Life Of The Party Around Friends. Dud With Me.

[Pelanol]

With me he's moody, angry, tired, withdrawn. Then the instant he gets around a group of friends he instantly comes to life, starts working the room, makes everyone laugh, and is the closest to his "former self" I've ever seen him. Why this sharp distinction? Am I not worthy of experiencing that side of him when it's just us?

 

[Eze]

I don't think it's you. You get to see the real person, not the front he desperately hides behind. I have been told by my spouse no one would believe that I struggle so much. I put on the front out there in the world and I am exhausted when I get home. Not sure thats what's going on but it may really be a possibility.

 

[Kanak]

I think that's probably the reason too (think Robin Williams, et al.)

 

[Liber]

:hug:

We fake it around other people because we desperately want to feel/look normal. It's not sustainable.

 

[Hesa]

My husband is a sufferer and I have had this issue with him for a very long time with him. It hurts, makes me feel so sad and almost like I get the crappy version of him. He has told me it's a front in front of people that he really is putting on a show.. he dreads going out and being social but once he's out he's like the fun guy again. I don't get it still. He has asked me if I want him to be rude to everyone and I just said no, I just wish he was happy with me alone like he is out there. But once again he says it's fake .

 

[Doso]

I get it. I'm not a sufferer but I get depressed. Nobody wants a "Debbie Downer" around so even when I feel down, I try to act up. For me that can be a good thing, it actually does pull me out of my slump sometimes. But with a sufferer it's more complicated.

I notice when I'm able to think of something lighter to talk to him about he'll often respond and stay engaged, even a little when he's MIA. I also find it helps if I say something positive to him about himself. Recently he's had physical ailments along with his depression. About a week after he texted me telling me what was wrong, I texted him saying how much I admired that he still works in spite of his health issues. He kept the conversation going for a while. He kept making negative replies, but he kept replying. I think it was helpful for him to hear that I appreciate what he goes through.

It can be really lonely being a supporter but I can't quit yet. I'm still learning and he still hasn't gone for good, so I'll take it one day at a time.

 

[Wejes]

I'm a sufferer and I feel like I do this to my best friend. I try to be fun around everyone else (including him, even when it's just the two of us) but when I'm having problems, he's the only person I feel comfortable to go to about it. He always gets the worst of me and I really do feel awful about it, but when I don't talk to anyone, I feel even worse.

He probably feels just as bad about it as you do.

 

[Ahid]

It's a bit different with my sufferer, she's not actually the life of the party around others, but I definitely see that she puts on a mask around other people and tries to act as normal as possible no matter how much pain she has (emotional or physical).

It can be very tough sometimes to be the only one (besides her mother) to see how she's really feeling and therefore experience the bad moods and everything that comes with it. But to frame it different, it's also a great sign of trust, because she feels safe enough around me to show her real face and put that mask down. I appreciate that she is just herself around me, no matter how tough it may be sometimes to deal with the bad moods, irritability, emotional numbness and so on.