List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[forrest]

Being from Kentucky, I often run into jokes about the Redneck way of doing things, I found this one on facebook and thought I would share it.

REDNECK HOME SECURITY SYSTEM:

1) Buy a pair of size 14-16 work boots.
2) Put them on front porch with a copy of Guns & Ammo.
3) Put some giant dog dishes next to boots & magazines.
4) Leave note on your door: ......

"Bubba: Me & Bertha went for more ammo & beer. Back soon. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they messed the mailman up bad this morning. I don't think Killer took part; hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all 4 of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."

Be right back.
:D

I love it.
I think I will actually do something like this, thanks for the hot tip:D

 

[Sandra]

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat

 

[Sandra]

This is a true story. My nephew is on the local police force here in my city. He pulled over a young lady for going through a red light last Xmas eve. First things he checks if no drugs or alcohol is involved and there wasn't. But when he asked her to get out of the car to make sure. All she was wearing was a coat and nothing else. Needless to say when she was getting out he had full view of the lower anatomy. He asked her why she was dressed like that. Her reply was I was going to surprise my boyfriend. Since there was no drugs or alcohol involved he decided to let her go. But when she got back into the car. His reply was I hope you have heated seats in that car. :roflmao:

 

[Sandra]

With halloween coming up soon I always think of this true story. My nephews were 8 and 12 at the time. And the 12 year old said he was going to dress up as a girl for halloween. I said to the 8 year old I would like to dress him up as a hooker. Then I asked the 8 year old if he knew what that was. So he was thinking for a bit and says isn't that when a lady dances around and takes off her clothes. My sister replied no that's a striipper. I was shocked he knew things like that at that age. So he was thinking some more then says I know thats when a lady has sex for money. :eek: Anyhow the 12 year old chickened out so the 8 year old said I will dress as the lady for halloween. So he put on his costume to go to school. Then he comes out this comment. "I bet i'm going to be the best looking babe there today". "I hope no one hits on me". :roflmao:

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Sorry ahead of time....my sense of humor can be somewhat warped at times......

 

[Sandra]

While Tim Cameron was sunbathing naked at the beach in Florida
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting
sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering,
"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied,
"If you were better looking it would lift itself."

 

[Sandra]

I believe there are 30 animals in the pic. Can you countLink Removed them all?

 

[Sandra]

oops was a repeat. My computer froze.

 

[Sandra]

Could I put a lot of names on this one.

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[Ladyhope Somerset]

Could be an Italian, Scottish, English, Aussie or anywhere wedding!

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At an Irish wedding party recently someone yelled,"All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

 

[Sandra]

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[Sandra]

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