List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[AdamAnt]

ROFL.... I'd thank you for that post adamant.... but frankly, I'm insulted..... :P

(Dang, realizing your persuasion I'm found wondering just which part pissed you off, superjen!! HA! 8)

 

[Deleted member 5760]

LOL AdamAnt

'My persuasion'.... That's very PC of you... hehe

Since this is a joke thread and the point is to LAUGH at ourselves and lighten our days - my ex was also named Jen (SERIOUSLY - this is TRUE). So an argument in our house went something a little like :

'Oh Jen. I can't believe you just said that!'
'Don't you 'ohhh Jen' me Jen!'
'Jen. That's it. I've had enough!'

On the flipside, I got to hear my name screamed twice as often during.........

The moral of the story = every cloud has a silver lining :)

 

[AdamAnt]

HA! good thing you have thick walls or the nieghbors would think you were talking to yourself?...heheheee

 

[cherryblossom]

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and
Grandfathers is?

Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning available when he would take his 7-year old granddaughter for a drive in the car for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out in the car.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her Grandfather was.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?'

'Great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere today!'

 

[cherryblossom]

DEFENCE FOR SPEEDING

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car
salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120mph;
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M4, enjoying pushing the pedal
to the floor even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police
car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as
he floored it to 140mph, then 150 then 160. Suddenly, he thought, "What on
earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to
the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of
the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes.
Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a
reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you
go."
The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, "Years
ago my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her
back."
"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

A man and a woman are driving in opposite directions on a road with their windows down. The woman looks over at the man and screams 'PIG!!!'. The man promptly gives the woman the finger and yells back 'B*tch' right before he runs into the pig on the road.

 

[cherryblossom]

Pam Ayres - They Should Have Asked My Husband

 

[AdamAnt]

(pretending not to smile......:)

 

[cherryblossom]

You can 'pretend' all you like, but we all know someone like that, and can probably identify ourselves in there too :poke:
But if I made one person 'pretend not smile' today, then my mission is complete for today!

 

[Deleted member 5760]

hehehehe..... oh cb, ya got me!

 

[Deleted member 541]

" I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead."

 

[Jimmy]

I Still Don't Understand Women

I have been married twice, and I still cannot get it through my head as to what went wrong.

With my last wife, I thought spoiling her would do the trick, but I was wrong. This is what happened.

I spent $2000 of a boob job for her, she was over the moon.

I then spent another $2000 on a nose job and botox, she was ecstatic.

Finally I spent $3000 on a tummy tuck and a bit of liposuction, she was just thrilled.

Then, not being selfish I spent a measly $30 on myself for a blowjob and she divorced me.

I will never understand women.

Jimmy