I endured severe bullying at school from 6th through 11th grade. At times I honestly didn't think I would survive. Today I have chipped teeth, minor hearing issues from an ear injury, and a permanent but not incapacitating back injury. My worst memories come from 2 incidents. One in 6th grade was being hung over the gym floor from the balcony by my feet and actually briefly being let go but caught right away. The school teachers were no where around. Then they bombarded me with basketballs (9th graders), knocking me repeatedly off my feet as I tried to escape. I was the youngest kid in the school (6th-9th grades). The other most memorable of many experiences was walking down the hall in 11th grade and a group of 12th graders slammed me against the wall and I ended up with a deep thigh bruise that impacted my walking ability for weeks. Recently my high school son suffered a deep thigh bruise in summer league basketball and the memory flashes back.
Anyway, I work for a major university. In my department, 85% are getting laid off, including me in 2 weeks. It is budget driven. A few have been allowed to be rehired in other positions. I've been doing the job for 12 years and have excellent evaluations. Partially due to the PTSD, I am the best educator in the system. The hyper-vigilence has some advantages. I absolutely love my job. It fits in well with the PTSD. There are some bullies in Admin, but I haven't had to deal with them much. I am not being rehired, even though my credentials and evaluations are at the top of the list.
Several years ago, a colleague's husband (a convicted sex offender) was telephone stalking my wife and daughter. We didn't know who it was at the time. He was getting my schedule while visiting his wife by sitting at the secretary desk after hours while waiting for his wife. The guy actually was in women's home and could tell them very personal things on the phone. He was charged in the past with attempted rape, child molestation and so on. My then supervisor pressured me to persuade my wife not to testify as her testimony was very key to the prosecution. My supervisor fought a restraining order on the husband and was transferred out for doing this. She also placed the wife of the sex offender on my tenure committee the first go around, which of course failed. He was convicted in 7 counties and served 3 months. The best friend of the former supervisor is in charge of who is rehired. This Administrator was also the mentor of the the wife of the sex offender.
So, here I am facing the end of my job in 2 weeks. Lots of good educators are also losing their jobs. I should be at the top of the rehire list for the very few positions left. The sex offenders wife (been demoted before for performance issues) obtained one of the jobs I applied for. She will be in charge of an organization that involves youth. She didn't do the crime, but she did marry a convicted sex offender and allowed him access to office records.
I need to be looking for work, but I am absolutely paralyzed with flashbacks from being bullied as a child. Just like when the school staff didn't help me in school, I feel the same way now. I feel like a frightened little kid. My son's injury really took me out emotionally for a few days. Prior to all this I'd had maybe the best six months from ptsd anxiety I ever had. I feel like puking. I'm reliving childhood bullying all over again, just like it was yesterday. I can't focus. My son told me I ran a stop sign near our home I've been stopping at for twenty years. I am a mess emotionally.
Anyway, I work for a major university. In my department, 85% are getting laid off, including me in 2 weeks. It is budget driven. A few have been allowed to be rehired in other positions. I've been doing the job for 12 years and have excellent evaluations. Partially due to the PTSD, I am the best educator in the system. The hyper-vigilence has some advantages. I absolutely love my job. It fits in well with the PTSD. There are some bullies in Admin, but I haven't had to deal with them much. I am not being rehired, even though my credentials and evaluations are at the top of the list.
Several years ago, a colleague's husband (a convicted sex offender) was telephone stalking my wife and daughter. We didn't know who it was at the time. He was getting my schedule while visiting his wife by sitting at the secretary desk after hours while waiting for his wife. The guy actually was in women's home and could tell them very personal things on the phone. He was charged in the past with attempted rape, child molestation and so on. My then supervisor pressured me to persuade my wife not to testify as her testimony was very key to the prosecution. My supervisor fought a restraining order on the husband and was transferred out for doing this. She also placed the wife of the sex offender on my tenure committee the first go around, which of course failed. He was convicted in 7 counties and served 3 months. The best friend of the former supervisor is in charge of who is rehired. This Administrator was also the mentor of the the wife of the sex offender.
So, here I am facing the end of my job in 2 weeks. Lots of good educators are also losing their jobs. I should be at the top of the rehire list for the very few positions left. The sex offenders wife (been demoted before for performance issues) obtained one of the jobs I applied for. She will be in charge of an organization that involves youth. She didn't do the crime, but she did marry a convicted sex offender and allowed him access to office records.
I need to be looking for work, but I am absolutely paralyzed with flashbacks from being bullied as a child. Just like when the school staff didn't help me in school, I feel the same way now. I feel like a frightened little kid. My son's injury really took me out emotionally for a few days. Prior to all this I'd had maybe the best six months from ptsd anxiety I ever had. I feel like puking. I'm reliving childhood bullying all over again, just like it was yesterday. I can't focus. My son told me I ran a stop sign near our home I've been stopping at for twenty years. I am a mess emotionally.
