Lost, But Not Real Good At Asking For Directions...

[Razorback]

Yeah, I'm a girl and in reality rarely have a problem asking for directions to get somewhere. I'm pretty good at telling people where to "go", too. At least in a manner of speaking...:devilish:

Anyways, it has been a long summer. I quit my job, moved to a bigger city down the road from where I was, am going to school all online, and so many more changes. Like I've said, a long summer.

I gave up on the Vet Center. My first T was kind of loopy. Also not too good about keeping appointments. When I moved, I thought great no uncomfortableness or me blowing up and telling the T to piss off. So I started at the new Vet Center, but my first appointment they rescheduled and my second one was a full month and a week out from the first one. I said piss on the Vet Center. They act like I'm some apparition anyways since I'm not from the Vietnam War or older. Plus being female seems to throw them for a loop. f*ck dealing with them. Plus, they were always pushing for me to go to the VA and file a claim. I know it is probably in my best interest, but still being in the military and dealing with the beauracracy of the damn VA isn't high on my wanna torture myself with list.

So, I've been seeing a counselor on campus. They have a little experience with Veterans and are pretty well versed in trauma, though it isn't combat PTSD. Yet, they try. They know when to push and when to back off. They keep to their schedule. A month doesn't pass between appointments. So, it's good with them. Except this week which kind of sucked. It is really hard to trust and I was more honest with them than I've been with anyone about what I feel and think. Does being so vulnerable make anyone else want to step in front of a bus?

They had suggested group therapy and I went, but sitting around with a bunch of younger college girls didn't seem to fit. Maybe group will be beneficial, but for now I think my plate is pool with warming up to my T.

Since my last appointment, it has been pretty rough. I'm really feeling alone and isolated. I mean, I meeting new people but those kinds of relationships are still way in the early stages and this isn't the kind of shit you dump on people right away. I need to find a job, too.

I'm struggling. Yeah, sometimes my thoughts are a bit on the darker side. What is part of therapy? What is something you should call about? And who says I really want help?

Honestly, I'm just tired of fighting sometimes. Tired of feeling like this. Too pissed off all the time.

Then the sun rises and I say, well let's see how today is.

 

[Zipperhead]

College T's might be a good fit for you, but do you really think some group session with a bunch of idealist left wingers who think they are morally superior than you is really going to help? I have a few neices like that, and we have agreed to disagree. Some day they will grow up and see that the world isn't so friendly after all. For now I'll call them sheltered University students that haven't lived yet. If you want to join a group, try to find a group that can understand where you've been. They will understand the blanks you can't fill, and support you more than some goody little toushoes university snob.

Al

 

[Ted Moen]

Hey Razorback, people tried to direct me to the VA in the late 60s when I returned from Vietnam. They were into experimenting with shock therapy in those days. There was no way I was going to present for that! I used my educational benefits and got a degree in psychology instead. Kept me busy. Then in the 80s they had the Vet Centers and the outreach program. They were ok if you just wanted to talk, but not really much help for me. I didn't belong with the crowd there. And they kept insisting I go to the main VA and get a T and file a claim. The first Ts I encountered weren't for me, and there was no way I was going to participate in the BVA bureaucracy.

I would get by ok for a while, a period of time of six months to a year or two at a time, then my symptoms would take over and when the dust settled I would be starting over again, former friends and associates pushed well back to a safe distance. Out of my world.

Finally, 27 years after I came home from Vietnam, I encountered a VA therapist who was a clinical psychologist specialized in combat trauma. The therapeutic bond was immediate. Besides PTSD support, she supported me through the claim process and got me to good inpatient programs. She helped me understand PTSD and learn how to live better with my specific symptoms in my specific environment.

While I shared your feelings toward the VA for a lot of years, there is a world of benefits and support available to you at the VA. When you feel you can, check out one of their clinical psychologists specialized in combat trauma.

Ted

 

[Sarg]

Ted, I'm glad you got the support you needed. However, I must amend your statement that there is a world of benefits and support at SOME VAs. The VA I apparently used to go to had none of the above. My last visit with my VA shrink, I told him I could care less if I ever set foot on that campus again. Well, I'm over due for my usual quarterly shrinking, so I guess I now being refused treatment. My shrink was O.K. but it was 30 minutes of small talk, renew my meds and out the door. Kinda of a waste for a 90 mile trip down there.

Now, I have private care and have received more quality, effective and timely care in months than I received in years of going to the VA. I know, I know, most can't afford private care but that doesn't excuse shitty treatment at a VA facility. If a Vet is getting crappy care at the local VA, start complaining. If they don't fix it, go up the chain of command until they do.

Some VA's have gotten it into their heads that the VA exists solely for the benefit of the employees. It's up to us to remind them WHO they are really there for. I would imagine when the POTUS starts receiving thousands of letters from Veterans complaining about their VAs, things will change. But it's up to us to sit down and write those letters.

Sarg

 

[Razorback]

Ted,

When you are talking about getting by for a bit...well, that is exactly what I've been experiencing the past 6 years. It comes and it goes. And when it shows up? Well, I do seem to be starting all over again.

With the VA, there is just a lot of fear you know? Statistically I seem to have better odds flipping a quarter and getting heads than I do of getting help from the VA. Plus, I'm trying to get my military career back and I don't know that pursuing a VA claim will be all that helpful to it. You know? Especially as a Reservist where there is limited knowledge and help. In a year I'm back up for re-enlistment and will have 10 solid years in. 2 more enlistments and then I'm good.

I don't know.

Zipperhead, not all college students are like that. Particularly where I'm at. We have a large number of non-traditional students and a high number of veterans and military brats. We also have our share of left wing liberals, but this is a pretty conservative area of the country. So, there was no telling about the spectrum that would be in the group. But, I did go to the first meeting and could assess that it wasn't the group for me. Of course, I've worked with college kids for the past 5 years. They I understand and expect to behave their age. It was the "adults" I worked with that I found to be intolerable and clueless. They wave their American flag and give lip service to supporting the military and veterans, but that is all it is. Lip service.