Loud Noises are a Trigger

[RavenWine]

One of my triggers is loud noises at night. Especially after 10pm because anytime after 10pm is usually when I'd want to try to go to bed. My abuser would play loud tv or music or just talk and not let me sleep. There's nothing I could do to try to sleep besides leave the room and try to sleep in my car. Trying to sleep in another room was rarely an option, mostly because he'd still come find me. He'd be mad I was not sleeping in the room with him and would want me to come back and wouldn't stop begging until I agreed. But it'd just keep going in a viscous cycle. He'd eventually fall asleep after drinking more and then I'd quietly lay beside him until I fell asleep too. Sometimes he'd wake up and be mad I'm there next to him. Sometimes he'd be so mad he'd repeatedly kick or punch me in the back. Sometimes I'd just lay there defeated and not even move or fight back because it just wasn't in me from not sleeping much for days. Back to the point.. loud noises. My downstairs neighbors often have their tv loud, and lately it's so loud it's like they got surround sound. I've told my landlord repeatedly, and he said he texts them to stop(they're friends of his). Well clearly this friend of his doesn't care and I'm too anxious from the noise that I fear confronting my neighbors directly. It's like I just lay in my bed and struggle trying to figure out what to do. Sometimes I'll listen to something loudly on headphones but it doesn't always work to calm me down. I just don't know how to effectively deal with this situation. Any thoughts?

 

[EveHarrington]

Go to a thrift store and buy a ten pin bowling ball ???? It’s so passive aggressive but hilarious AF.

 

[Friday]

The nuclear option is that you could move. Either done in style (IE to somewhere else better suited to you) or desperation (camping, couch surfing, shelter). Moving doesn’t guarantee no loud neighbors, although a smart move can tilt the odds in your favor (a stand alone house on acreage, an apt/flat above retail heavy on the insulation and concrete, etc., a sailboat or caravan/motorhome that you can literally leave loud people miles away from you)... so that you can have some time to work on that specific trigger in your own time, rather than have it be randomly & regularly spiking you past being functional.

Personally? I like to get the nuclear option on the table, and out of the way, so that I know I’m not trapped & have at least one option... before I get down to brass tacks.

So... assuming you don’t want to or aren’t yet able to move in the style to which you’d prefer? What options do you have available to you that could help make this situation better?

- Working on the trigger/stressor. (Exposure therapy requires a degree of control that isn’t possible when you don’t have a sanctuary to pull back to. So if you’d like to work on the trigger? Building a sanctuary of some kind is going to also be necessary).

- Building a sanctuary. Either literally... like a sound proof sauna room in your apt/flat, or renting a workspace you can go to 24/7 to get some distance... or far simpler once you’re practiced, but harder to get up off the ground... by practice (a series of grounding techniques & practical options, that become a routine you can relax into without even thinking about it, to combat the hypervig, anxiety, & fight/flight, that keeps you here in the present without being hijacked by your neighbours). >>> Like, they start going at it, and you turn on your music (not earphones, but replacing their sound with your sound, in your own space); turn on & take a shower or bath, running water both drowning out their noise further, and washing away the scent of your fear/anger from your skin, along with the sensory tricks involved in sensation of noise/temp/hot-cold/scent/etc; make a sandwich & cuppa tea/coffee or icy cold soda, or similar. Start working on a passion project, curl up in bed with a good book, etc. All newly grounded/centered/fresh-start go about your life in a way of your choosing, rather than in desperate reaction to the past/present <<< They start going at it, and you immediately shift into a self care routine that defines YOU, in your space now, in control, deciding how to live despite what your instincts are shouting at you from the past, bringing you present, and enjoying your now instead of half trapped then-now.

- etc. (the first 2 options of working on the trigger/stressor & building a sanctuary, are only a couple of probably dozens of courses of action to take, to get you started on brainstorming).

 

[Coffeegirl83]

I struggle with the same thing! Loud Noises, especially after 10pm. I cannot stop crying. I do not know what to do.... And I do not know how to tell my therapist.

 

[RavenWine]

I struggle with the same thing! Loud Noises, especially after 10pm. I cannot stop crying. I do not know what to do.... And I do not know how to tell my therapist.

I don't even have a therapist so I wouldn't know. But I feel like if you trust your therapist enough, just tell them you are triggered at night if there's loud noises. I'm sure they'll be super helpful to you. It's nothing to be ashamed about ?

 

[Coffeegirl83]

I don't even have a therapist so I wouldn't know. But I feel like if you trust your therapist enough, just tell them you are triggered at night if there's loud noises. I'm sure they'll be super helpful to you. It's nothing to be ashamed about ?

Thank you, RavenWine ?