Loud noises

[desiderata310]

This has been something I've tried to deal with since forever it seems: loud noises, or rather the panic response I have when I hear them.

It's part of the reason that I have therapy at the ass crack of dawn. For whatever reasons (I guess the structures around here are made of cardboard with a little spackel thrown on to make them look good?) I have been hyper-vigilent about noises outside during therapy. Even with the white noise machine on, I was always aware of the sound of deep heavy trucks etc. I have always been hyper-aware of chain saws, etc when there are people doing yard work. My therapist finally had a chat with the people who trim in the backyard space of his office, not to do it on certain days before 8:30. The few times that they did show up, I wound up freaking smooth out and running out the door before he could get up and stop them.

TODAY there was a tree trimmer across the street. I parked up the hill and watched, trying to steel myself and argue with my brain (which was already freaking smooth out) that there was absolutely NO REASON to be so anxious. I was going to try to push and get out of the car when my therapist saw me, pulled up along side and suggested that we try another day. I must have looked horrified or something. I immediately burst into tears. It's such a failure on my part. At some point, I won't live in the country far far from all the noise. I have to find a way to deal with this and push through it but I honestly don't know how when I have such an extreme reaction.

The fun part? There is NO- Zero-zilch-nada trauma associated with the sound of a chipper or chainsaw. I mean, I get the reaction to trucks. My ex drove a big truck that you could hear miles away (especially on cold winter nights) and that was always my cue to have things... ready and waiting and to steel myself for whatever was headed my way. But he never used a chainsaw or a chipper. He did use gardening equipment and he was always pissed when he came in but seriously, chainsaw and chipper?

There has to be some way to push through this and stop having environmental sounds dictate my life.

 

[Eliza]

I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom on the subject, but I can assure you it's not just you.

I get jumpy at any loud noise (and living in London that happens a lot!).

I'm hoping to someday get used to them and be able to just carry on with them - but at the moment, the sound of a siren sends me into a cold sweat!

Is it just during therapy that the noises bother you? Because it could be that you're in a more vulnerable state there anyway, and I guess that wouldn't help things!

 

[Deleted member 41765]

There has to be some way to push through this and stop having environmental sounds dictate my life.

I struggle with this as well, daily, am constantly grappling with my startle response to various noises, and wish I lived in the wilderness. Not in an urban area with a backdrop of sirens. Oh, the sirens. I've gone so far as to buy industrial use (Home Depot!) noise canceling headphones. Wearing them is comforting, until I realize I can't hear ANYTHING and what if...

I wish I had sage advice, but I do not.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I think that the truck being loud transferring to other noise making things makes sense. I think back to that thing in high school psychology with Pavlov and a bell/dog.

Anyway, I startle to loud noises when my suds is at a 5+ and then it starts to increase.

The noise issue I have is "magnified noises." Every night when I am in the bath I hear the sound of my husband's belt buckle drop to the floor when he is changing his clothes. It always seems about 10 or more times louder than it should. And every night I think in my head, "for the love of God." I shudder every single time, but feel safely locked in my bathroom. (Belt in trauma/nothing husband related)

 

[scout86]

It happens to me too, to a point. This particular thing doesn't cause me the amount of trouble that it causes you. Other stuff does, though.

There was a time when I had a peculiar flashback involving pine trees..... My T, when we were talking about it, said, "You might want to find a better way of thinking about that." He says stuff like that. :banghead: And he often literally means it. I've always like pine trees. But, they do have an association with something and they played a dramatic role in this flashback thing, and I could see the potential for going down a road where it became "A Thing". So, I thought about it. And about "Other Ways I Might Thinks About This". I decided that the trees weren't the bad guys in any way, shape, or form. They were silent witnesses who couldn't have helped me if they'd wanted to because they were TREES. How are trees going to come riding to the rescue, even if they WANT to? And, maybe they DID want to? Maybe they felt horrible because there were standing there, forced to just be trees, when they really wanted to rush to the rescue? I made up a whole, detailed, ridiculous story about what those pine trees really might have been about. It actually helped. (Everything isn't that easy)

I've found that arguing with myself almost never works. Neither does beating myself up, calling myself names, or any of the rest of that stuff. Sometimes, weirdly, M's "you might want to find a different way to think about that" thing actually does work. It's just often hard to come up with the right spin.

On the noises thing, M & I have had a lot of pretty normal sounding conversations that start with "What was THAT???" He just treats it like its perfectly normal, we have the conversation, and move on. He's also good at waiting for me to come back to the conversation, when I pause to alert to the sound of a siren etc. (His old office was right next to the railroad tracks....... Train horns are REALLY loud. :bag:)

The current thing is, once in awhile, sitting around in the evening, out of the corner of my eye, I think I see motion and my brain screams "It's a BAT!" (Usually it's not.) Even if it's clear there's nothing there, for hours, I'm jumping at nothing and hearing imaginary wings. And, obviously. can't sleep. And I suspect not getting enough sleep has something to do with this to begin with........ I have no ideas on a better way to think about THIS. :( Working on it though. (M's idea has something to do with morphing bats into bunnies......... Either I'm missing something or he's lost his mind.)

 

[anonymous]

I startle and freak at the sound of raised voices. It does not have to be loud per se, but just louder than before. A tone shift so to speak. It sends me into a freeze response. This can be extrapolated to email or text or whatever. I have no email trauma just as you have no tree trimmer nor wood chipper trauma. But if something is slightly "off" or "shifted" or can be perceived as critical (even if I have to twist it to make it so), I freeze.

My therapist was imitating somebody one day and raised his voice. The session pretty much ended at that point. I was pissed at myself for my reaction after I finally calmed down.

I know it does not make sense, and I know I should not react that way, but I do, and I have not figured out how to change it.

 

[Muted]

Sometimes I'm reactive and other times I'm not or it's delayed, I think that's weird and I don't understand it.

 

[desiderata310]

Is it just during therapy that the noises bother you? Because it could be that you're in a more vulnerable state there anyway,

Well.... yes. If I am in therapy or at a doctor's office it's often worse. Some days though, I can HEAR things in therapy and still keep it under control or mostly under control.
But this happened before I ever got out of my car. :rolleyes:

Sometimes I'm reactive and other times I'm not or it's delayed

I'm always aware but there are times it's worse.
Recently it's been a thousand times worse.

M & I have had a lot of pretty normal

Yeah. In session, J is GREAT about getting up and checking things. I hear things he just DOESN'T. I feel like I have the hearing of a dog or something. Hell, a lot of times I will check Kaia's reaction to see if I should be super anxious or not (same with Charlie)

All that said, none of that helps with me reacting so strongly to what happened this morning.

I suspect not getting enough sleep has something to do with this to begin with....

No, lack of sleep never helps any of this. It makes the reactivity worse. I know this but I don't seem to have that much control over that.

I think that the truck being loud transferring to other noise making things makes sense

Considering the anniversary I guess none of this should surprise me.

 

[Lionheart]

I have developed learned helplessness in response to loud noises and I tend to freeze rather than fight or flee. So I don't startle as easy as I once did, but the discomfort is still there. I think most of us with PTSD will have a dislike for sudden, loud noises and I'm no different.

I wish people and machinery were quiet and mellow, but that is just wishful thinking on my part. What helps me is to get in touch with my inner stillness and remain silent as to not add anything to the noise levels and to keep myself calm.

 

[scout86]

Is there a chance you can sort out what that experience meant to you? Well, maybe not to YOU, to your amygdala? Because it meant SOMETHING.

That's something that's helped me in other situations. I might over react to some part of someone's behavior. Usually don't stop to analyze it, just react. (Usually wrong) When I manage to pick things apart, I find I'm reacting to one thing like it's something else. Once I see that, it defuses things a little.

Whether it makes sense or not, something about that scene came across as a threat,, or as dangerous. It doesn't have to be exactly the same as something else, just similar enough to set off an alarm.