Made It Through Church Without Puking

[ShodokanJenn]

So for the last few years, I have not been attending church. It is too triggering. Services make me terrified. I shake, sweat, hyprventilate, my heart races, I throw up, and I get really dizzy. I know that there are many belief systems here, and that's totally fine. It's part of what makes this sight work so well. To me, though, church has always been important. The last time I was there was last year in February. I went the day before my surgery for my hemorrhaging kidney so my Pastor could pray for me. But today I went. So many people were so happy to see me. I made it through the whole service without puking. Afterward, I talked to my Pastor. He hugged me and then prayed for me. Then he said that in my eyes he sees someone who has gone ten rounds and still has some rounds to go. He reminded that he is there for me whenever I need him. And that I don't have to fight alone. Then he gave me another big hug and I left.

I am glad I went. And I am proud of myself for making it through the whole service. And I am going to go back next week.

 

[joeylittle]

Great job!!!!

 

[SabrinaB]

Church is my haven and the one place where I am most myself. That's why it really stinks when my symptoms act up there. So I totally get what a milestone this is for you!! Keep strong in your faith and how wonderful you have a support system there for you!

 

[ShodokanJenn]

@joeylittle Thank you.

@SabrinaB Thank you for your support. I do have a wonderful support group there. I have to remind myself that they are flawed too, and I don't have to be perfect to be around them. One of the women there recently asked me if I would be willing to tell her why I quit coming. I told her it was because being there caused flashbacks and intense fear. Sunday morning she came up to me and very, very quietly told me I was in a safe place. Her timing was perfect - I was just starting to slip into panic. Church used to be my haven, too. I need that back. I need those few hours of peace and safety.