Major Si, Anxiety After Doing Well For Awhile

[TeaLeaf]

My suicidal thoughts, anxiety and overwhelming sense of doom have come back with a vengeance in this past week. I've had some difficulties, the worst being major conflict with my husband that has resolved some at this point. I've also being feeling rejected by friends and invalidated over some of the non PTSD triggers I have been having. I just can't handle the difficulties, I also have been having bad dreams at night so it is depressing to even sleep, if I can even sleep.

I had slowly weaned off my meds over the past 9 months and was happily medication free for the past month, prior to that I was taking 1/4 pill lexapro for some time. I don't think the suicidal thoughts have ever been this strong because I was medicated and the intensity was numbed out. I've been back on my medication for almost a week and hoping to feel relief soon. I feel like I am safe right now but the intensity of it coming and going is so sad. I've emailed my therapist and should talk to her tomorrow, I'm in contact with The Samaritans, an organization that provides email support to those in crisis. I've also reduced some of my stresses, not seeing triggering family members over the holidays and not interacting with invalidating people.

I'm really scared, discouraged and need support.

 

[jd9900]

I believe if you couldn't handle the difficulties, you wouldn't be able to have just said what you did. You should be so pleased with that choice. :) *offers you a smile* I know those feelings, but I think we can do this. Get better. We've gotten here.

You have my support.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Thank you JD9900, that helps. I have to go back to work on Thursday, I am worried that I will completely melt down by then. I've never been so close to not being able to put thoughts together and feeling like I am just going to scream out in public.

Again, thanks for the support.

 

[jd9900]

Just remember, if you can't beat 'em...wait, you are PTSD survivor, you already did. The rest is just all about puffing your chest and being like, "What, yo? You think YOU got game?" :)

 

[Nativia]

Hi TeaLeaf! I have been where you are many times. Doing so well, then suddenly I find myself right back in "that" really dangerous place for what seems to be no reason at all. With or without the medications (talk with your Dr. about them...follow instructions to a "T") there are many things you can do today that will help prepare you for going back to work tomorrow.

First and foremost, don't let it throw you that these symptoms can come back after being under control for so long. It happens to all of us! Next, don't try too hard to figure out what it is that set this bout of symptoms off. We can't have you stressing yourself out trying to understand all of the many things in our daily experiences that do or don't contribute to this phenomena. Don't stress about what could happen at work, because you have been going to work, I assume, for at least a little while and have learned that when you are there you actually cope quite well. Work may in fact help you to take your mind off of this somewhat. It may remind you that you are more capable than you may have once thought you were.

Spend time on the forum as you need to, but breathe today, rest your nerves and feed your senses with quiet joys. Watch funny television shows, do a few Sudoku puzzles, or indulge in a special treat.

I always used to go to Starbuck's for a venti Mocha Latte when I needed to get through something difficult. I would get one on my way there, for instance, going to the grocery store, then maybe buy a favorite food to enjoy when I would come home. Rewards worked well for me for a long time!! lol!

I hope that something in this post will help at least a little bit. I really do. I just hope that you can try to keep all of your successes up front in your mind when these sudden drops occur. A friend of mine always tells me that "When we are sick it is hard to remember what is it like to be well, and when we are well it is hard to remember what it is like to be sick." Just stick with what works for you and try your best!

 

[Mercy]

Nativia, thanks. You just lifted me today from lying face down in the mud of depression.

 

[Nativia]

You deserve soooooo much better! We all do! If you need to come back on for more encouragement, please do. I will keep an eye out for you, but realize that there are many wonderful people on this site that can help you more than I can. So many people with so many great ideas, who are so very supportive all the time, anytime... That is why I am so happy to be here now!

Now...Have a TERRIFICALLY fabulous day!!!! -- Nativia

 

[TeaLeaf]

Thank you Nativia. Yup, it is hard for me to remember what it was like to be well or think that I will ever be well again. Thanks for the encouragement to feed my senses with quiet joys and treats, I think I really need to do that.