Making The Best Of A Bad Situation : Holiday Edition

[Friday]

I am a firm believer (if erratic practitioner) in Predictable is Preventable... Or at least Forewarned is Forearmed. ;) Cause sometimes? Things are just gonna suck. And sometimes? No effing warning, great one moment and on the ropes the next. But when I've got warning? I like to use that when :sneaky:

Holidays suck, or have, for a lot of us... For a lot of different reasons. I'd really love to hear the ways you've made them suck less, or even be effing amazing, on accident or on purpose over the years.

 

[ms spock]

Humour, doing random acts of kindness, thinking of how to contribute to someone else's happiness, involvement in social justice issues, reading random funny stuff to talk about. Ignoring the holidays. Being pretty neurotic about things. Breathing. Self compassion. (This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. Other people are flipping out at X holiday, so I so not alone with this. What can I give myself now - a physical gesture and words to be kind and comfort myself). Disco dancing. Reading. Listening to music. Distraction. Ring the suicidecallbackline ringing Life Line. Walking. Buying myself a present. Dog rescue.

 

[scout86]

I'm a huge fan of Abraham Lincoln. Especially his use of humor. ("I must laugh else I shall surely cry.") So there's humor in nearly everything. (Drove my ex-husband nuts! LOL)

The year I got divorced, we were still living in the same house. "Christmas at home" wasn't really an option. Some friends invited me to their house and this has become a tradition. They don't have much money, but have big hearts. (They "rescue" horses in their not spare time, with money they only wish they had.) So, there's no pretense. Dinner is eclectic, on a budget (that gets blown a bit because it's a holiday), and awesome. The first year, S baked a ham and was going to garnish it with cherries and pineapple. Realized at the last minute that she needed toothpicks, didn't have any, and the stores were closed. As luck would have it, I had a box of brand new horse shoe nails that hadn't been opened yet. She used a bunch of them instead of toothpicks. (Somewhere I have a picture!) For Thanksgiving, we're going out to a neighborhood restaurant. Buffet. Affordable, good, and no clean up or prep. If it wasn't for them, I'd probably find a soup kitchen of some sort to work at.

My all time best friend's birthday was a couple days after Christmas. Another friend had his BD on Nov 30 and shot himself the week after. These are anniversaries that ARE. No 2 ways about that. I miss these guys terribly in a lot of ways. I know it's a "thing". And it SHOULD be, you know? They were important people in my life. So I also take time to let myself feel that, as best I can. They will both have fresh flowers on their graves. I will make a point to do something, or say something that I know would make them smile and allow myself to feel the smiles when I do. I will spend some time, some dark night, contemplating what the barrier between where they are and where I am might really be. But I will also allow myself to know that they wanted the best for me, and that I'm still here so I have a responsibility to carry on.

 

[jaccat]

I think I make an effort not to get hung up on the day. Take the good stuff when I can. Years ago when I was living in a student house we held our own Christmas party before the end of term. There were eleven of us in total. We went full out, decorated, Christmas dinner, secret santa, party games. We even held our impromptu nativity, with balloons and tea towels and teddy bears as our props. It was epic and ridiculous and I'd never had a Christmas quite like it. So it wasn't Christmas? So what.

This year I'm trying something difficult. Arranging a spa day for my best friend and myself 3 days after Christmas, in a hotel. I couldn't care less about the day. I'll do what I need to then retreat and wait it out.

Good TV always helps, and chocolate.

 

[AnnaLost]

This is the first year I'm putting my foot down and refusing to do things I've always been uncomfortable with or actively disliked. Halloween to New Years has always been my least favorite time of year, but having a husband and raising kids I made the effort, even if I didn't want it for myself.

I am not putting up a single decoration, making any family dinners and I refuse to buy a tree. I told my kids that they were more than welcome to do whatever they liked, and I'd show up if invited, but that I was done. I'll buy them each something small probably, but that's it.

It felt...awesome. :tup:

 

[Ronin]

I'd really love to hear the ways you've made them suck less

By taking off.

Provided I can't do it, being with Mine anyway, and disregarding whatever is happening to me. New happiest memories made in the middle of drowning waves.

& by celebrating early. I've celebrated, I'll cling to that warm memory, whatdaya mean life gets in the way on that feast.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Good question. I've spent so many alone.... Early on, I made my own "feast" and decorated. Did that Martha Stewart Stepford Wife thing, pretending things weren't what they were. Now that reality had set in (10 years later), I don't do so much of that anymore. It's more of a white-knuckled affair that I just get through. Last year, I was invited over to friends' houses for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was very kind of them, yet still uncomfortable. Dang it, I want a Norman Rockwell holiday!!! This year, I'm going to another friend's house, but it is going to be a big mash with over 20 people. I didn't know this when I accepted, so I'm going to have to steel myself for all that noise, the kids, the food that I can't/don't eat, and her cats (allergies!) etc.... I wish I could relish all of this, but it just makes me nervous! Prayer sounds like a good idea and maybe a good excuse for leaving early - Black Friday specials start Thanksgiving evening around 6:00 p.m. where I live. Got to have that_________ that's on sale. wink, wink. Hoping you got some good suggestions and manage through the day. VB

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

A step back and a little emotional distance and suddenly, everything seems like an episode of Seinfeld. I try to observe the family from this distance, seeing absurdity and humor from my safe remove, instead of getting caught emotionally in the mess they bring to the table.

Probably a little less grounded than I should be approaching things, but it works. I'll practice being grounded and In the moment on the non-holiday days per year.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Read Mark Twain and make dog treats. Share the treats (though can't walk right now) will drive to the dog parks and share. Visit with my 90+ year old neighbors that are the grand parents I never had. They are a blessing. They are like butterflies in my mind and heart.

 

[Torrid75]

I don't have PTSD but I strive to make this time easier on my DV. So we're not doing anything traditional but making our own traditions starting with combining Christmas/New Years on New Years Eve. Thanksgiving I let him sleep/veg out....cooked a non traditional meal. For Christmas going to do same. We have 3 children and we plan on giving them there major gift but as for the rest not happening until New Years than were planning on getting Pizza for the kids and Chinese for us and doing the rest of Christmas.

 

[Ronin]

but making our own traditions starting with combining Christmas/New Years on New Years Eve

Sounds like very inovative path and something that could last long, as it's uniquely yours.

Also sounds like fun, please enjoy. ;)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My best Thanksgiving was when my kids were younger and my husband in his right mind, were on a road trip up north to visit my husbands brother and family and we stopped at a resturant and me and the kids had burgers and my poor husband had to find a place that offered a more traditional meal.

The trip was fun, as we continued driving North, we saw all of the semis bringing tons of Christmas trees to the southern part of California.

Holidays used to make me so ill physically. Not a big fan of the holidays. I have much to learn.