Marriage= Exhaustion

[Punky143]

At this point, I have no idea how relationships function, in a way people claim it to be good. So judge me or not, I looked at my husband's phone this morning. He's behaving out of character. Instead of falling asleep before me, he now stays in the living room. I can hear odd sounds but it could be me having flashbacks too. Last time he did this I found out he was having a sexting relationship and since then, its been all downhill. So, I looked at the cell bill and noticed a lot of unfamiliar numbers. That's why I looked in his phone. And I was correct, again. He's texting these random half naked girls from whatever websites and seemingly interested with meeting them too. Is it normal for husband's to do this?
Familiar to my inconsistent moods, that is how my intimate life can be. I'm justifying his actions right?
I make excuses for everyone around me, minus myself of course. I guess its proven that I'm not good enough for him and know for a fact he can't handle me...and all my issues either. It's really too bad because I already feel like the shittest person around. No friends, barely making it at work and hate it, child's sexual assault case in process since the bastard got bail, struck a child with my car Halloween night, husband clearly has his own agenda and talks from two sides of his mouth.
Then the SH is back. Why? Because.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Gs172003]

At this point, I have no idea how relationships fuion, in a way people claim it to be good. So judg...

Are you OK with him sexting random girls for meetup? Hell are you OK with him sexting girls period? I sure as hell wouldn't. That is a breach of trust in my book.

 

[Punky143]

No, I am most certainly not. Lets just say, a year and a half ago when this occured, destroyed me. I thought I was his one and only...like marriage should be right? Pile this on top of losing friends, my grandmother dying, and all the rest of the shitty mess I'm in.....recipe for destruction. Course on myself

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Punky143 Once a cheat, always a cheat. If you're not happy, he's sexting and apparently meeting up with other women, then I guess now would be the time to have a conversation with yourself and make some decisions as to what you want, how will you achieve what you want, and what action needs to be taken to get there...

If it were me, I'd throw his ass to the curb, and then figure it out, but I am an independent bitch, that takes no shit, so I wouldn't do as I do.......

 

[watundah]

Sadly, the fact that you tolerated this in the past gives him permission to continue the behavior. I can never be comfortable with a sneak. I have had enough of unhealthy relationships after surviving the hell I grew up in. If I were in your shoes, I would thrive on knowing I was in a loving, supportive relationship vs spending my energy feeling like someone is cheating and I am not enough. If the other side of that means solitude, so be it. I'd rather hang out waiting for a healthy connection. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but no one else will look out for our well being better than we can. Best to you.

 

[Gs172003]

No, I am most certainly not. Lets just say, a year and a half ago when this occured, destroyed me. I t...

Then you need to put a stop to it by either telling him you won't tolerate it and let him know what will happen if he crosses it ( and mean it) or just kick him to the curb. You deserve better than that.

 

[Punky143]

Its complicated, we have a daughter so walking out (with her) isn't all that easy. I did voice my concern and demanded it never to happen again. But, here we are, again. I could go on and on about how last time he tried blaming me. My entire stupid life, everything is always my fault. I have so many large events in my life right now, to deal with this seems impossible.

 

[aut555]

Okay stop right there. This could happen to anybody. This man may cheat on anyone, take you out, insert any female, he will cheat. He is hardwired that way. It clearly has nothing to do with you. You are just stuck with his loser axx. I understand you can't go. Should you then slowly start making plans. If married for ten years, then eligible for ss. Can you support your child and you in another year? Get all the stuff off your plate,(court, etc.), then start your plan of escape. This will help with the bigger picture then dwelling on his bad behavior. Do you have any close friends? Do you think he wanted you to find his phone? A lot of men are to timid to ask for divorce so they skillfully get "caught". Yes, of course try marriage counseling, (before l get fried by other posters here. Lol)

 

[Gs172003]

Its complicated, we have a daughter so walking out (with her) isn't all that easy. I did voice my conc...

Leave. If it's happened before and he started again he doesn't care about you or your daughter. Your daughter doesn't need to grow up thinking this is OK or worse yet what she needs to do to make a man "love" her Trust me on that.

 

[watundah]

^^^^^^
What she said!!!

 

[dulcia]

Its complicated, we have a daughter so walking out (with her) isn't all that easy. I did voice my conc...

OH HELL NO!

I have found similar things on my SO's phone in the past, but much less extreme. I immediately left (moved out) for 5 days when I found out. He apologized, we had space, he took the lock off his phone in a show of solidarity and it hasn't happened again. I couldn't help but think, why is it so easy to lie? Why are you in this relationship if you want other things? I'm not making you stay, but if I'm staying under false pretensions, I at least deserve a heads up, etc.

Leaving is hard. Leaving with a child is super hard. People are saying "leave" and there seems to be a few logistical reasons why you can't. Have you confronted him about the things you found on the phone? The longer you wait to take action after confronting him, the more power you are giving to him. You didn't do anything wrong. He has done many things wrong. Why can't he leave? Get a hotel, stay with a friend... If you are primary caregiver of your child, then the two of you shouldn't have to go anywhere. At the very least, he needs to be shown that this is NOT OKAY and that he has jeopardized not only his relationship, but his family as a whole. Space can also give you a clearer head to think things through and make any necessary plans, if that is the route you choose.

This may not be productive, but I'm pissed that this has happened to you -- He may be attractive to all of these girls now, but how attractive will he be with no home, no family, and no guaranteed love and affection from you? Stand up for yourself, girl! For you and your daughter. I assume you don't want her to have a relationship with these sorts of issues when she grows up. Set an example for her. Cheating is disrespectful but it seems like he wasn't even trying to hide it at all, which is added disrespect. Don't give him permission to do it again.

Sorry to get so crunk about it. I hope you figure something out, whatever you choose to do :hug: