I am just wondering if there are other ptsd people who have been married to someone who is passive aggressive and if their behavior had negative effects that added to your ptsd symptoms?
I have been married to a passive aggressive for 27 yrs and seperated from him for the past 10 years. Partners with passive aggressive make sure that they never give you what you need or want, and for me, that has been the need for safety throughout our marriage, among other things.
He controls all the money and has agreed to divorce several times but then procrastonates, also wants to work our marriage out, says he will go to counseling and then backs out. He has always been withholding of love and affection. If I asked for any help, his response was always "one of us have to work". (we agreed for me to be stay home mom and care for kids). It has made me feel unlovable, or reinforced that maybe I already felt unlovable.
If I went to the grocery store at night, he would repeatedly put chains on doors and shut himself in the bedroom so he could not hear me banging to be let in. He said he forgot I was out. He also forgot to come to marriage counseling, to pick one of our children up, and anything that was important to me.
I have read that the women who marry passive aggressive men have usually grown up in a household where they did a lot for very little in return, and that they have adapted to a high level of frustration. That would fit my background perfectly.
Since I still have dealings with him about certain things (house, medical insurance, kids), he with make messes for me that leave me extremely frustrated. He did not inform me of insurance changes, my not knowing has left us with high medical bills for me that he will have to pay, leaving him a victim and me the burden. He also convinced my daughter to stop payment on a check to me, overdrawing my account, having my account closed, and my disability check in cyber space. Even though I promptly paid the bank the overdrawn amount, it took months to get the correction to the credit bureau or what ever banks check before opening you a new account. While I was doing this and had no bank, I had $2200 taken from my house.
During the marriage, we could not have sex. He had premature ejaculation in 20 seconds and blamed me for being to sexy. Ya right. I was patient for many years and sought out help but he would not participate. I eventually gave up on that too.
He would undermine my parenting, mess with the garage door opener so I could not get out to go to work, and even though he had money, would not part with it for books I needed for school, and then send me roses.
I am so discouraged right now that I cant seperate some of my symptoms as to if they are ptsd or just loss of all hope and that things will never be any better. I have no motivation left. I have been in bed for 23 hrs a day for the past month and dont want to get up. I dont feel depressed at the moment, I feel like I am just waiting to die. I dont even have the energy to brush my teeth. I have panic attacks and think that is related to ptsd. However, I am starting to think much of my lack of motivation is about this marriage that I cant get out of because I have no money for an attorney.
If anyone out there has had this experience, I would appreciate knowing how it has effected you and how you handled it. I think I have hit rock bottom.
I have been married to a passive aggressive for 27 yrs and seperated from him for the past 10 years. Partners with passive aggressive make sure that they never give you what you need or want, and for me, that has been the need for safety throughout our marriage, among other things.
He controls all the money and has agreed to divorce several times but then procrastonates, also wants to work our marriage out, says he will go to counseling and then backs out. He has always been withholding of love and affection. If I asked for any help, his response was always "one of us have to work". (we agreed for me to be stay home mom and care for kids). It has made me feel unlovable, or reinforced that maybe I already felt unlovable.
If I went to the grocery store at night, he would repeatedly put chains on doors and shut himself in the bedroom so he could not hear me banging to be let in. He said he forgot I was out. He also forgot to come to marriage counseling, to pick one of our children up, and anything that was important to me.
I have read that the women who marry passive aggressive men have usually grown up in a household where they did a lot for very little in return, and that they have adapted to a high level of frustration. That would fit my background perfectly.
Since I still have dealings with him about certain things (house, medical insurance, kids), he with make messes for me that leave me extremely frustrated. He did not inform me of insurance changes, my not knowing has left us with high medical bills for me that he will have to pay, leaving him a victim and me the burden. He also convinced my daughter to stop payment on a check to me, overdrawing my account, having my account closed, and my disability check in cyber space. Even though I promptly paid the bank the overdrawn amount, it took months to get the correction to the credit bureau or what ever banks check before opening you a new account. While I was doing this and had no bank, I had $2200 taken from my house.
During the marriage, we could not have sex. He had premature ejaculation in 20 seconds and blamed me for being to sexy. Ya right. I was patient for many years and sought out help but he would not participate. I eventually gave up on that too.
He would undermine my parenting, mess with the garage door opener so I could not get out to go to work, and even though he had money, would not part with it for books I needed for school, and then send me roses.
I am so discouraged right now that I cant seperate some of my symptoms as to if they are ptsd or just loss of all hope and that things will never be any better. I have no motivation left. I have been in bed for 23 hrs a day for the past month and dont want to get up. I dont feel depressed at the moment, I feel like I am just waiting to die. I dont even have the energy to brush my teeth. I have panic attacks and think that is related to ptsd. However, I am starting to think much of my lack of motivation is about this marriage that I cant get out of because I have no money for an attorney.
If anyone out there has had this experience, I would appreciate knowing how it has effected you and how you handled it. I think I have hit rock bottom.
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