Medication Compliance

[Lady of Longbourn]

Is the creativity you perceive with a manic episode "real" or is it your perception?

It is real. There is a lot of research behind it; chemical changes for example in the brain. There is a also a lot of research behind the damage it causes; debt, jail, crime, loss of family and friends and job, suicide.

Also, I have Bipolar type 2, which means I get hypomanic not full blown mania so a bit different. No psychotic episodes but I did start having what my therapist called 'mystical experiences'. While this was fun (in a scary sort of way) I realized how much worse it was getting and how fast. That was pretty normal for Bipolar disorder late teens to early 20's is normal and I was about 22 at the time.

I'm trying to picture the "manic" version of Ayesha as a moderator and wondering if that would actually work. I think "not".

Trying to figure out how to take that but it made me laugh. I think I know what you mean. Me, as a staff member on the forum, is a small part of who I am. :)

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Ayesha
Your original posting started a fascinating thread! I identify with you. Medication has saved me from suicide, lessened my disabling anxiety, and stopped tremors I get due to my chemical exposure, thus allowing me to work, albeit at a part time basis.

The Geodon caused me to gain weight. I hate that. No antidepressant ever helped my depression, but the Geodon has. It can cause diabetes. I look at my bedtime pill-cocktail and wish I could function without them. I want to be ME, unaltered(well, I dissociate, so I have always been altered).

I yearn for a steady life. The closest I have gotten to one is by the grace of meds. I was born normal. I was derailed by psychotic people and my developing brain took the toll. All my wishing won't change that. I totally get your point. In the long run, my life is more tolerable, productive, and sane on meds.

 

[scout86]

If it made you laugh, you took it the way I hoped you would! :)

There was a time, this past winter, when I was having a LOT of trouble sleeping. I don't take any medication (which in many ways it probably a "good" thing.) When I started working with my T, I promised, in writing, to avoid using drugs & alcohol. But I was getting REALLY tired.... I got sick & had some cough medicine left over that I KNEW was going to help me sleep (it was a prescription and came with a page of warnings about what not to do when you were taking it), so I used the cold as an excuse & got a couple of good night's sleep. And, told my T the following week, when he asked about how sleeping was going. He gave me kind of a disapproving look and suggested that maybe there were chemicals naturally occurring in my brain that work on those same receptors and maybe I could try to learn how to access THEM..... It would be cool if we could learn to do stuff like that. (He actually seems to think it's possible. I sure haven't figured it out, yet anyway.) It would be cool if you could learn to access and control those parts of Bi-polar that are potentially useful too.

The more I learn, the more amazing our brains seem. Frustrating, sometimes, but definitely amazing.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

At least after medication I no longer try to hold records for how long I can go without sleep.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Medication has saved me from suicide

I remember when they first put me on Lithium. My current medication had been working, my mood was more stable but it could have been working better. I was still getting terrible depression, depression that was still causing me to drop out of college and not have a life. How sad does that sound actually? When I think about it...That was a terrible way to live! But at the time I thought that was all I had to look forward too. I thought that was as good as life would get.

My psychiatrist had closed her practice, she was young, and decided to go work for a hospital instead. She gave me 6 months worth of medication and I had to search for a new doctor. I found one but it didn't work out and that same office got me in touch with a nurse. I wasn't expecting much. But she decided to give me Lithium. I was willing to try Lithium and had honestly always wondered why none of my doctors had never given me lithium. I think it was becasue of birth control, when I was given lithium by the nurse I had/have a IUD. Lithium has been around since the 50's and has always been the somewhat go-to of a miracle treatment for Bipolar Disorder so I was willing to try it having heard so much about it.

But I still wasn't expecting much. Lithium was still used mostly for mania not depression. But the nurse really wanted me to try it, there wasn't many options for me left and I knew/know that. Actually there was almost nothing for me left and off label uses work too, in fact they probably work most of the time. The nurse also told me that @KwanYingirl Lithium reduces the risk of suicide with people with Bipolar Disorder and depression. I think the number is about 60%. Just with that information alone I started talking lithium...and then my whole world changed.

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/0...isk-in-depression-bipolar-disorder/56637.html

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/news/20030916/lithium-best-to-stop-bipolar-suicide

So maybe my psychiatrist who I liked so much, maybe her leaving was a good thing. Otherwise I wouldn't have met that nurse who gave me Lithium. You know, I have thought of calling that nurse and thanking her?

I could go to college. While I had some depression last fall and winter, I didn't have weeks and/or months of it. I didn't have to or come close to dropping out of classes or college. Suddenly I had a future! My lithium pills cost me less then my lunch does! I beleive less then 5 dollars. My husband and I joke about how I am out of 'batteries' (the joke being from Lithium ion batteries) when I run out of my medication. Yes, they smell like chemicals, Lithium is element number 3 on the table.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It would be cool if you could learn to access and control those parts of Bi-polar that are potentially useful too.

The creative parts?

I was reading this:

"All the experts interviewed for this article agreed mania was not necessary for creativity, and medication made productivity possible, although at times when used to get mania under control it may blunt emotions. Mania left untreated, they said, leads to chaos and disorganization.

Dr. Schuldberg says people often wonder if they will pay a price in terms of their creative endeavors if they take medication to control symptoms. And some patients think that if they skip a dose, they can experience hypomania and can get more work done, but most patients report it’s a slippery slope, says Eric Youngstrom, PhD, associate professor of psychology and psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University. “Your insight is one of the things that gets compromised very quickly,” he says."

Which I agree with.

Medication is just still difficult sometimes. The side effects, the weight gain.

And then sometimes. I wish and I wonder. Maybe my doctor's are wrong. Maybe I don't have bipolar disorder. Maybe if I come all of the medication everything will be just fine and I will be magically just fine....

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I just took my antipsychotic for the first time in...I am not sure how long. I took only half, just like I am with the lamictal and the topamax right now. Taking the full dose was making me sick so I have to re-work my way up again. But I am proud of myself.

My mood was and is shifting terribly. Sort of a mess of depression and exited restlessness.

In the morning I am hoping to drag myself to AA. I am hoping to text my therapist that I finally took my medication and that I am getting back to the full dose and that I went to AA. That I am being responsible.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I wish you the best @Ayesha
Meds are lifesavers, but it can be frustrating getting dosing right.

 

[TimeToHeal]

@Ayesha, do you mind if I ask which antipsychotic you are currently on? (You are welcome to answer me via PM if you'd prefer; or, of course, just tell me it's none of my business!) :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@TimeToHeal Saphris 10mg

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am upset right now, actually pretty angry.

I set about 5 alarms last night around 2am for 10am. Then put my phone on charge in the hallway like I have been doing all week so when I hear it I have to get up and get it. I put the phone on the highest volume it had.

10am still gave me good sleep and gave me enough time to get ready for AA.

I woke up when the cat came in and started trying to wake me up. I thought it must be around 8 or 9 in the morning becasue It never heard the alarms. It was 1:30 in the afternoon. I had slept through all the alarms and when I looked at my phone I had also slept through a phone call from my doctor's office and a voice mail. Ironically, it was from my psychiatrist.

It took me all week to get it so I was waking up in the morning instead of after noon. I have a hard time falling asleep so I was having days of 3 or 4 hours sleep but at least I was waking up in the mornings and that make me feel very happy. I was tired but I felt positive.

I hate waking up after 10am.

And the saphris is still making me feel hung over now. It will take me hours to shake the feeling. It will take me days or maybe longer to start being able to wake up normally again, without it being so difficult to wake up.

And that was only 5 mg. That wasn't even my whole dose.

 

[TimeToHeal]

@Ayesha, I'm sorry your day didn't get started the way you had hoped. I too, hate it when I end up sleeping later than planned (though for me it's more like 8 or 8:30 - ugh, I'm getting old!).

I know you've been struggling with taking the saphris at all, and I'm proud of you for taking it last night, even if it was just half! :tup: Does it make you sleepy or drowsy when you take it, or just hung over the next morning? I ask because I was thinking perhaps if you took the saphris much earlier at night - say somewhere around 10 or 11p - it would enable you to get up earlier, and with enough time to shake off the "hangover".
Just an idea. :)

I hope you'll be able to cut yourself some slack for today and let go of that anger and make the best you can of the day! :hug: