Meditation is making my symptoms worse... or am i doing it wrong?

[joeylittle]

When I meditate I sit up on my bed in the dark, close my eyes, and quiet my mind. Focus on slowing my breathing and heart rate. After a few minutes of this the I start getting vary insecure and depressed (I start crying and even get suicidal). I have stopped at this point which didn't help because then all day I felt insecure and depressed.

I just want to back up something @Chava said: don't meditate in the dark, and don't do it alone. I seriously recommend you try the Jon Kabat-Zinn guided meditations. This is just one - Kabat-Zinn breathscape , but there are lots on youtube. I find him really, really easy to follow and very non-nonsense. If it gets to be too much for you, just turn it off.

Also, you don't need to meditate with your eyes closed; personally, I find it better with my eyes open.

What you are describing is something that I think was happening to me when I started. Without anything to focus on, and being unable to actually maintain my attention fully on my breath, odd "background feelings" would bubble to the surface. Not even in a way that I knew what they were, exactly, just that it was bad.

So, try guided, try daytime, try eyes open, and preparing the space (also like Chava said) with a little bud vase or a little rug or anything, really - can make the space more "yours" and that will help with feeling more secure.

 

[Friday]

In order to clear my mind... My body has to be moving.

This is one reason some people run, swim, etc. It's a meditative practice for many people. (Not everyone. Also, some people I've known switch. They think better in motion, so they use the time both to think, and to empty their minds, etc. Switching back and forth between what's needed or wanted.)

The repetitive motion doesn't have to be big (like running)... Many religions use prayer beads (rosaries, for example). Knitting is another common one that transcends cultures. And there are all kinds of walking meditations (usually along a prescribed path. A lot of the "big" intricate floor designs in many temples are for walking meditations).

I used to meditate while drying my hair. Very curly, hip length hair = a solid hour or drying it if I was going to blow it out straight. What worked best was going to the gym for a few hours, blasting myself with hot water, then perching up on a high stool in the corner, blowing my hair out in front of the mirror. I needed both the combo of wearing out my body first, then being totally clean, and then the height/ time/ rhythmic motion. When I injured myself, I couldn't still my body without the exercise... And when I chopped my hair off to my ears? There simply wasn't enough time. That's only 20 minutes, and it takes at least 20 minutes to fall into the motion of it. While I could sometimes manage it on the floor, the corner & mirror were totally necessary. Otherwise my hypervig never let me relax, with my back exposed.

Also while swimming laps (but running and I'd fall down! I have to pay attention running.), while dancing (peace. Pure peace.), and certain forms of martial arts. I never did Tai Chi, but that's one example of meditative martial arts.

So... Are you doing it wrong? I'd say wrong for you. There are many different types of meditative practices for good reason.

 

[Tanishq]

I would like to tell you meditation works but it will take some needed time. It sure works IMO.

 

[Ronin]

@Momofthree thank you, I'm watching it.
@Tanishq q, may I ask how you do it? Aside of curiosity killed the cat, I like your certainty with it working, so I'm basically curious on what you do and how that got you there, if it's even remotely something about the method and not about mindset.

 

[Tanishq]

@Kaia It is natural to feel the curiosity when attempting to go within and perceive knowledge about it. I am still like as I was before. :)

I don't remember when my meditation started working for me. Um, Last year or this year, but I remember one thing properly and that is when I tried to sit in meditation it started working for me slowly. Sitting in meditation is very important.

People say you feel so many thoughts and emotions, this is true. You still need to sit and face this all to go past this. If you practice sitting in meditative position you feel most comfortable with, then you will open the gate for yourself to go within yourself.

I tried many techniques, none worked for me. I learned I am unique, so others techniques will never work for me. I had to find a way which works for me, I got that with people's help (I am thankful to them who helped me) and learned sitting will help me to go in meditation.

You will need to find what works best for you and start from there.

Thank for asking me and I am glad to share meditation works. :)

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

I started transcendental meditation maybe a month after I started therapy. As usual with everything I do I hit it too hard and "over meditated". My anger was insane... It actually made me realise I had an anger problem, it was my first WTF moment. My poor partner even noticed the radicle change.

I wouldn't have believed it but people with PTSD are actually at risk if they meditate, so my Therapist and a few studies done say anyway. It can , in some way, dissociate one too much, causing further dissociation and problems. I don't fully understand it but it's recommended to ease into it... It's still a valid practice for a PTSD sufferer but ease into it.

I think any meditation that helps bring you into your body and "feel" what's happening will help. Even if those feelings may not be pleasant if you sit with them at least your engaging mindfulness and being present, not avoiding it. Any type of meditation that's isolating and teaches one to disengage will not help (IMO)

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

Also , I should mention that studies show that TM supposedly helps calm the Amygdala and strengthen the frontal cortex (I think I got that jargon correct) anyway, what this means is that you become stronger and less likely to be emotionally hijacked.

 

[ms spock]

There are walking meditations, lying meditations, sitting meditations, breathing meditations - it might take a while for you to find the one that fits you.

This audio tape has really been helping me.
[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/albums/the-mindful-way-through-depression-full-youtube.802/[/DLMURL]

How much exercise are you doing? You need to discharge a lot of that cortisol before you do meditation, in my opinion.

Guided meditations work well for me so that all the other stuff doesn't rush out. But it might not be right for you now.

Back off on it until you get another therapist. Be safe.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

Can confirm the above video link is awesome ^^^^^