Relationship Met Someone With Ptsd, I Do Not Have. Advice On Important Things

[Sweetpea76]

Just because she has PTSD doesn't make her less than anyone else

Nope, but it's going to complicate the everlovin all git out outta your relationship. Hence the "take it slow" advice.

There's often a fast and furious honeymoon phase in PTSD relationships, then the poo hits the fan. Taking things at a relaxed pace can protect YOU as well as her.

I'm not talking about physical... but more emotional and logistical. Would moving in together after a month be a good idea? Hell no. Pushing for normal relationship milestones? Not a good idea.

Every good step forward may be followed by a stress reaction. Good stress is stress too. That's pretty sucky, trust me. First time we said "I love you" my sufferer FREAKED for a week afterwards. First overnight... freak out. Et cetera and onwards.

It is possible to have a healthy PTSD relationship, but it takes work.

 

[Area57]

ok, no, I am listening, I am.

I'll keep reading and I will load up my back pocket! Thanks!

I just think it IS a scary lonely world and I don't know what PTSD is like exactly, but someone victimized you sometime and they took something away. Aren't you letting them take something else away(having a loved one) if you don't try?

I know not everyone should, or should right now.

FWIW, she came over and stayed and it was like one thirty and i was like, "sooooo, you're not leaving tonight are you....ok, we can sleep together, but just sleep." So we haven't had sex yet.

 

[Gs172003]

ok, no, I am listening, I am.

I'll keep reading and I will load up my back pocket! Thanks!

I just thi...

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[desiderata310]

I just think it IS a scary lonely world and I don't know what PTSD is like exactly, but someone victimized you sometime and they took something away.

You're right. On all counts. just... I hate that word: victim....
But yes, something was taken away. It's not something I can get back. It's not something anyone can give me. It's something that will have to grow back if it comes back at all. I can't fill that void with someone else, or something else. It's a wound that needs to close and heal.

Aren't you letting them take something else away(having a loved one) if you don't try?

I ask myself that question all the time. But the answer I keep coming back with makes me sadder: I will wind up hurting the person who tries to love me because they can't heal the wound. I sometimes get very sad and lonely. Sometimes I wish I did have someone in my life. But that will come in time, if it's meant to be.

I'm glad you're here to read. This is not for the faint of heart on either end of things.

 

[Gs172003]

ok, no, I am listening, I am.

I'll keep reading and I will load up my back pocket! Thanks!

I just thi...

How often do you see her? And do you sleep together every time?

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's a learning curve. Nobody knows how to be a good supporter at first. There's some great advice here. Check out the rest of the supporter section, read some threads by some of the members that have LTR.

Definitely look up the Stress Cup The PTSD Cup - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Explained.

Check out stressors versus trigger, because there is a difference, and a lot of supports get "trigger guilt" over stressors. Stressor vs. Trigger - What Is A Trigger?

That's a good starting point.

 

[Area57]

How often do you see her? And do you sleep together every time?

maybe its been more like three or four weeks, this last month has been busy, I would have to think about when. I don't know....she just keeps calling and coming over. last night while I was writing this she knocked on the door, and then I let her in and then she was like
"i shouldn't have come"

I said"you mean you wanted to come, but now you're embarrassed so you want me to tell you I want you here"

"yeah"

"haha, I'm good"

So, please, don't think I'm putting on pressure. We really just do normal stuff, like I played funny videos I liked last night and then motorcycle races and music I like, it's not that different than anyone else I know, except I can see the darkness behind her eyes. She seemed happy.

I'll take it slow, seriously. yesterday I was going to not see her, so we don't fall immediately into a routine of seeing each other every day and taking things too fast.

Of topic, I found this other site that is like a list of what I was expecting you guys to say. stuff like:be a good listener, keep it light, don't pressure her to talk, that sort of things. I probably made it sound weird by talking about the sleep stuff.

FWIW OCD sucks ass too, anxiety, whatever. I always have this feeling of dread, like some unknown bad thing is going to happen. I just refuse to let myself be driven by it so I try my hardest to live a normal life. I'm sure Ptsd is worse tho, but its not a contest.

I dunno, I had a girlfriend for 8 years that had anxiety/OCD really bad, and we really helped each other. Instead of feeding off each others fears, we were mutually supportive and were both better for it. I thought things could be like that.

Sorry D your feeling that way. It won't always be like that. Maybe you aren't the burden you think you are you know?

 

[Area57]

What do you mean if I wind up on the wrong side of a trigger, not get out unscathed. what could happen to me, get hurt?

 

[desiderata310]

I mean get hurt emotionally.
ETA I can say some pretty hurtful things sometimes if I'm stressed or triggered

 

[desiderata310]

oh .. I've actually gotten worse in the last year or so. I agreed to meet someone for coffee and that sent me into a spiral. I freaked out completely. I read something into the conversation about meeting and decided that he was the enemy before we even agreed on a time. HAHA! I am no good for anyone right now.

 

[Gs172003]

maybe its been more like three or four weeks, this last month has been busy, I would have to think about...

I still feel like you need to back off the intimacy. It's too much too soon. You're rushing a relationship with somebody symptomatic that honestly probably can't handle it yet.

 

[Area57]

oh .. I've actually gotten worse in the last year or so. I agreed to meet someone for coffee and that sent me into a spiral. I freaked out completely. I read something into the conversation about meeting and decided that he was the enemy before we even agreed on a time. HAHA! I am no good for anyone right now.

Well, maybe not, maybe not. There's a lot of life left I'll bet. And there ARE fun things about being alone. I sailed to alaska all by myself, took me 5 months, so much solitude. Could get up when I wanted, go when and where I wanted.