Mindfulness problems

[Meadowsweet]

I've recently been given some mindfulness techniques to try.

First is to be mindhul of my thoughts, to acknowledge them and let them pass. I'm doing well with that.

But the other technique is supposed to ground me, but it does the opposite. I'm meant to focus on the sensory experience of what I'm doing, where I am etc. So for example washing up, I'm meant to feel my feet on the floor, notice how the bubbles are moving in the bowl, notice the sounds that are being made etc.

But I'm finding that it makes me very on edge. I notice the hardness of metal, the sharpness of knives etc. Alongside of this by noticing the movement of the bubbles I'm becoming acutely aware of movement, so that I'm checking over my shoulder or jumping at a hair on my head moving.

Also, when I'm being mindful of physical things, I find that I become ultra aware of my own body and aware of it's reality and fragility and the possibility of harm.

I'm not sure if I'm not doing it right, if it's not suitable for me, or if this is a normal reaction and I should perservere. So I'd be grateful for any thoughts or advice.

 

[Hashi]

I've had a very similar experience to this, and my T says mindfulness isn't about everything being suddenly calm and wonderful, it's about paying attention without judgement. So I acknowledge any feelings and thoughts that come up, without judging them, then return my focus to what I'm doing.

Have you heard of "detached awareness"? An example of what this means for me is that I have to check things excessively and that can make me very angry and frustrated. Mindfulness/detached awareness lets me be aware that emotionally I need to check more times than other people do. The idea is that I recognise that as a neutral fact. Not focussing on how ridiculous I am for needing to, or my fears about what will happen if I don't check properly. Just seeing that I feel I need to check many times, and I have concerns around being safe.

Calming myself in any way can allow anxiety to surface. I've found this with deep breathing. I have to do it for a while and move through the anxious thoughts, allowing them to be there, but not allowing them to derail me.

It's difficult to do, but it does help. I can even observe how angry I am that I'm still checking the door after 10 minutes, and that it makes me feel stupid and powerless, but I'm more like a detective making a note of that than a vicious critic attacking myself for it.

There are days when mindfulness means I'm able to look behind me before I do something, know that everything is locked and there's no-one there, and focus on what I'm doing. On days when I still feel compelled to look behind me, I try to mindfully pause what I'n doing, turn and look around, and then take my attention back to the original task.

I find mindfulness really difficult, but I also think it's one of the most important things for me to learn.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Have you heard of "detached awareness"? An example of what this means for me is that I have to check things excessively and that can make me very angry and frustrated. Mindfulness/detached awareness lets me be aware that emotionally I need to check more times than other people do. The idea is that I recognise that as a neutral fact.

Yes, this sounds like me acknowledging my thoughts and letting them go. I'm finding this a great benefit, especially when it comes to reaching for chocolate to numb my emotions. Now I say, I am wanting to comfort myself with some chocolate because I am feeling emotional - it's ok for me to feel emotional and needing comfort. By doing that I tend to feel more relaxed about having the emotion.

But being aware of my senses when I'm doing something feels almost like my brain suddenly notices that everything is real, and even if I talk myself through the thoughts, it still seems to add a lot to my anxiety. I think I must walk around in a daze most of the time.

 

[piratelady]

My therapist has told me to be mindful, but he has only suggested it when I am doing something to try to relax. For example, when I when I went on my walk at the park last weekend, I tried to be very mindful of what I was experiencing and it did make it more relaxing. That is the only time I try to be mindful, is when I am doing something like that.

I have never been able to be mindful of my thoughts - to acknowledge them and let them pass. I acknowledge them and then get stuck.

 

[Hashi]

piratelady, I think there's a lot in what you siad. Meadowsweet, I don't know how often you're trying to practise but I started with only a little bit each day - just one small thing, like making a sandwich or washing one mug. Mindfulness can feel overwhelming at first. There's a reason we're in fog most of the time.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Thankyou for the replies.

Mindfulness can feel overwhelming at first. There's a reason we're in fog most of the time.

I think this says it all for me. But I am only practising for a small time each day and as long as I know it's just part of the process of getting used to it, I'm good with that and will persevere.

 

[nimkekaa]

But the other technique is supposed to ground me, but it does the opposite. I'm meant to focus on the sensory experience of what I'm doing, where I am etc. So for example washing up, I'm meant to feel my feet on the floor, notice how the bubbles are moving in the bowl, notice the sounds that are being made etc.

But I'm finding that it makes me very on edge. I notice the hardness of metal, the sharpness of knives etc. Alongside of this by noticing the movement of the bubbles I'm becoming acutely aware of movement, so that I'm checking over my shoulder or jumping at a hair on my head moving.

Also, when I'm being mindful of physical things, I find that I become ultra aware of my own body and aware of it's reality and fragility and the possibility of harm.

I'm not sure if I'm not doing it right, if it's not suitable for me, or if this is a normal reaction and I should perservere. So I'd be grateful for any thoughts or advice.

I wonder if being mindful in a situation that is very calming to you in the beginning might be helpful. I can be very mindful going for a walk or on a hike and be fine. But if I try and be too mindful in the shower or somewhere that I have been abused then I can be jumpy and watching over my sholder also.

Is it possible that knives, or bubbles could be a trigger for you? Just a thought.

I really believe in mindfulness and need to start practicing again.

Very interesting thread.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Yes, I think it may be worth trying mindfuiness in a relaxing situation.

I have spoken to the therapist who suggested this and explained what was happening and she just seemed to accept that I'm not comfortable with that level of real.