Mixed My Klonapin With Alcohol On Purpose.

[Panda Bear]

Probably not in the right area?

Anyways, it's been a long day. Husband and I got a growler of hard cider to share(we don't drink often, maybe a few times a month). I took a Klonapin on purpose, I knew he wanted to have sex tonight and was just feeling small and distant. He needed me, and I wanted to be available.....

I knew the konopin and alcohol would make me more relaxed and not so uptight. I knew what I was doing..l did it to get 'drunk' easier. To make me less upset.

Don't get me wrong, he's awesome and very aware of sex and my history. He's always careful, kind and he in no way pressured me. I just knew deep down he'd be disappointed a little if I said no. This was in no way him doing something to me....

It was my choice....

I wanted to be drunk(er)

I wanted to be unaware.

This is probably going to bite me in the ass.,,,

 

[The Albatross]

Strikes me as a very conscious decision to bear an intimacy with your partner. Did it do what you intended it to do and was the experience okay? You wanted to please or not disappoint your partner.

Course you know that mixing alcohol with.... yadda yadda yadda, and that coping by taking something to change the way you feel... yadda yadda yadda.

How do you feel about it Panda?

 

[Panda Bear]

@The Albatross

I feel hungover and angry with myself.....

I know I shouldn't have done it and that it was wrong. But, I'd probably do it again if need be. I just can't always do everything right, and sometimes ptsd gets in the way of me being able to function like a normal partner. No matter how hard I try! Suppose I'm gonna have to tell the psychiatrist what I did....