Monkeys driving the distorted cognition bus

[The Albatross]

Past is evidence of difficulty, present's about problem solving, future is unknowable. The key thing is... if this is a priority, you don't self sabotage/torpedo yourself before you attempt to try... sometimes try various times as "financial security" is the long term goal... you risk failure and you manage the other shit to do your utmost to attain the longer term goal. K? When it all comes down to it, all this navel gazing and reflection is a procrastination tool... it keeps you the same and the stressor stays in place. Even if you kick the can down the road, the stressor is still there... it is only in endeavoring to risk failure/stress/uncomfortableness... that you have a chance at succeeding the longer term goal. Over, under, around or through gal. But forward is the progression to solving a problem. Thinking about it... let alone over thinking about it will get you zilch, nada, frozen, procrastination, nada. Sabe?

 

[The Albatross]

I was not an advocate of you kicking over the last job... but you decided otherwise and I imagined it was for your own reasons. Yet here you are again, eh?

 

[ladee]

@Ragdoll Circus... apparently I have been just giving the keys to the monkeys and saying Go For IT... Interesting that I am discovering I don't counter the irrational stuff. Guess because to me, in the depression , it IS rational.
I know the 'I am a burden' is a deep core belief.... that I ignore or deny until I am headed toward crisis...The only thing different this time, is, I am asking for help before I go so far this time.... like I said, don't even know if I am making sense.... Thanks for the feedback..

 

[The Albatross]

Is depression rational or your norm? I'd question that I think.

 

[ladee]

No, I really knew I could not handle the last job... that is what has me asking for help this time... I can do this job, if I am hired... I feel I am being a self entitled brat and just stomping my foot and saying I do not want to work... and all the noise that goes with that statement. Instead of looking at my situation, sucking it up, and doing what I am learning to do....a new way, not the same old way I have been doing.
And what I meant about thinking about it.. I am foggy brained right now.. what you shared made sense, because it 'felt' like relief... but I can't concentrate, so will pick one and focus on it... I can do one...
I am so tired of pushing thru, pushing thru, nothing feels normal... I am tired of being tired... so am giving myself permission for a few hours of self pity, and then getting to hell on with it...
Thanks !!! Like always, you go straight for it... and I appreciate that... enough noise in my head as it is.. either be a part of the solution or hush.... not you saying this to me...or maybe you are...:), and just being kind!!, but me saying this to myself...

I asked for help and will honor all suggestions and honor my own healing by following thru....

 

[Sideways]

@ladee - more than enough sense. You feel like you're headed towards crisis, you'd rather not sit back and let that happen, and you've come here for support. Makes plenty of sense, and seems pretty sensible. For what it's worth, I hope you don't go all the way to crisis point - you don't deserve that misery.

 

[ladee]

I have no idea what my norm is.... have been depressed my entire life.. but never had the tools, like I do now to challenge the beliefs that keep it in place.

 

[ladee]

I know there is more self love and care than there has ever been.. so I know I am not going willingly this time... so will take the support and suggestions and do what I have to do... because depression is hell.
The people on this forum have added so many tools to my toolbox.. but have to be reminded how to use them... not practiced at this one yet... but I will be... I am not PTSD's bitch !!!:laugh:

 

[The Albatross]

Out of time... bbl. But if you're up for another job... and you get an offer take it.

 

[The Albatross]

"I feel I am being a self entitled brat and just stomping my foot and saying I do not want to work..." Sort of astounds me a bit that in the face of so many "feelings" flying around the forum... given the importance of "financial security" your feelings tell you (rather predictably I think... cuz no one wants to be uncomfortable/stressed/anxious or to risk) ... "I don not want to go back to work". Do and accept the challenges of managing or don't and accept the consequences of your decision. It's really an either or proposition... you gonna choose the shorter term "feeling" or the longer term shot at financial security?

 

[ladee]

I will, and not work myself into a frenzy before hand... do what I need to do , and test my safety zone, yet once again... thanks @The Albatross , @Ragdoll Circus, and others who replied...

 

[Sideways]

@ladee - I'm still fine-tuning my power of osmosis, but sending peace & calm your way. The monkeys are fed and ready for a snooze.