L
LiviLou
About 3 years ago I put myself into a compromising situation. At the time I didn't know it, but looking back now, I know it was not a place I should've been. I had just gotten home from working an overnight shift, I was scrolling through Twitter and saw that some friends of mine (guys) needed a ride home. They had been at the bar and couldn't drive themselves home. So trying to be a good friend, I told them I would come pick them up, little did I know they would soon take advantage of the situation. Once I picked them up, I took them to an apartment complex in town. They invited me inside to hang out for a bit, we had done so in the past, so against my better judgment I said "okay." I reluctantly took off my seatbelt and followed them inside. I followed them into a bedroom where the lights were on and a movie was playing. I sat down on the edge of the bed and began watching the movie while the boys sat around me, doing the same. After a few minutes went by I could feel the vibe in the room change. The boys started whispering amongst themselves and proceed to move closer to me. Before I could process what was happening, one of the boys was touchy me all over and kissing on me. We have had sex in the past, so I assume that is why he thought it was okay. But it wasn't, I told him "no," but he continued. He began to pull my pants down and this is when it all started to get out of hand. During all of this, the other three boys were out of the room, but once "J" climbed on top of me, the other boys came into the room one by one. I didn't know what to do, I had never been in this situation before, I didn't know what they were capable of, I didn't know if they would become violent with all of my pleads for them to stop. So I just laid on the bed while they treated me like their rag doll. Tears rolling down my face I just wanted it all to be over. I wanted my dad, my big brothers, anyone to come to my rescue. No one was there for me. No one. Once the four of them were finished, I put my clothes on in silence, grabbed the rest of my belongings and left. As I drove home I couldn't help but to cry and wonder "why me?" The following day, my parents got word of what happened from my older brother and they took me to the police department. I was forced to recount the previous night and press charges. I knew it was a case of he said/she said, therefore I knew the boys would never truly be punished. Against my parents' wishes, I dropped the case because I felt that no one believed me. Not my parents and especially not the police. The way the questioned me and hacked into my phone made me feel that I was at fault. I felt like I was being punished and I was in the wrong. Now 3 years later I still can close my eyes and see the inside of the room, hear their whispers, see their faces, and remember that feeling I had as I was being assaulted. I deal with this pain constantly while those boys life everyday like nothing ever happened. All I want from them is a sincere apology and I want them to know that what they did is not okay. I may never get an apology from them, but I do forgive them. I choose to not carry hatred in my heart for them, it will not make what happened go away nor will it make me feel any better.
