Mornin

[sea]

Over on PTSD Forum. Was a medic in OIF. Thats bout all I can say. Mostly just read this place, articles and shit. Signed up before, so I could download some of the resources and read some. f*ckin hell, took ages just to write this shit. I seriously have a huge f*cking problem talking on here. Signed up before, got deleted cause I didn't participate. Not cause of any of yall, just me being f*cking stupid. Anyway wanted to sign up and say hi while I could. If its not welcome to just hang out and lurk thats ok, just delete me again. Have a tough time talkin bout any of this shit, just tryin best I can I guess. Took me a damn hour to even write this introduction and it don't even say anythin! Lord god. Any way, hi.

 

[Zipperhead]

Hi Sea. Have a look. No secrets here. And if you don't want to post, then obviously you're not ready yet, and tomorrow will be a new day. When your ready, jump in. This place isn't really like the other forum. Mostly we just hang out and remember the soldiers we once were. Kinda a drinking mess without the cheap beer. But we do talk about symptoms quite often, and it is reassuring to see that others feel the same as we do. :tup: So look around, and maybe tell a few jokes.

 

[Ned]

Hello Sea. You want to hang around on the edge of the firelight that's OK mate.
Thank you for saying hello.

 

[sea]

THanks guys :geek:

 

[Ted Moen]

Lurking is good. Everybody likes a medic hanging around :tup:

Share when you feel a need to.

Ted

 

[Anglesachse]

Hi sea and welcome mate.

Lurking is good, a rant every now and then is welcome, wiered pics and bad jokes are all go. and if you want, you can let the beast out now and again too. does him good to get a kicking, opps i mean an airing once in a while.

 

[sea]

i feel like an alien :alien: Uhg. Kay. Gonna try and vomit out the shit in my head. (And you know I've been part of the forums for like 7 months almost 8 months, and havent had the courage to post here til now, and Im heavily medicated now) Maybe itll make sense but I doubt it. Joined this place, therapist says, "connet with other veterans" (Sory for the typin, I am puking as I speak LOL aren't ya glad ya came in my thread)

So, well, here's the thing: I suck at people. Society, people, groups of people. Alien, outside, right? War f*cks you up. Puts you outside. You're different so then you go and you meet these --Groups of people who are in war too, so they get it yeah. Like this forum. They're brothers, sisters, they're people, you get, and you understand, and you like, and it's good and you fit, even if the rest of the world hates you I don't got that. Hell barely got the number for the people in my old team. xcalled one guy, hung up on me, "thought you were dead."

f*ck, makes me want o f*cking cry. I cry every day right Turned into a wuss.

Part of me wants to be a soldier, cause it was the only place I ever belonged, and I know about, but every thin else is, so far away from all it you know? People talk and its like they're all f*cking aliens. Go to the VA hospital, went there twice. Everybody ignored me, people try connect with me, i cant do it. Jesus aint this a rant, guess I'm ranting now huh.

Don't fit in with civilians. Can't fit in, can't just can't. Feel like can't fit in with anybody in the army, whatever, cause , I am this weird f*ckin alien . It just aint the same after certain shit happens. Its like that bond, for me, got broken. And I don't fit nowhere. Nowhere. Shit, you know, I'm fluent in Arabic? lol. Nowhere. Shit I am wasted and f*ckng rambling my ass of f here. Just....find all this hard huh.

f*ck therapist should shut up for a goddamn year after this. Tryin, real hard, to, talk to a group of f*ckin people bout this in puvblic! Scared as f*ck! Scared of I don't know what. Scared I"ll come in like "hey guys :laugh:" and y'all will just be like "man, f*ck off. :O_o:"

That is the way it usually goes when I talk to other vets. Either they piss me off because I cant stand so many normal things that normal vets talk about it just rings foreign to me, just rings, it just triggers the f*ck out of me and I snap. Get along with Vietnam vets though. Guess we both know what it's like to be trashed when you get home. Shit, half the people I know either think I'm a f*ckin hero or a god damn traitor. Whats the f*ckin difference

God damn, godda shut up now :p

Not tryin to bash , just , explain - I guess? Nobody pissed me off here or nothin I don't know I have never written this shit for nobody to see nbefore. Tryin to understand shit I guess. Try not to be so f*cking alien. Therapist says: "Write out all your feelings, talk to people, connect to people"

lol

 

[Wagon]

Hello sea. We all ramble. You will notice that most threads here can barely stay on subject. And anger and rage are a commonality in us all. It's the beast, he's a f*cker. But at least we get back ours by talking about him here.

Wagon

 

[Sarg]

Square pegs in round holes, Sea, that's us. Simple explanation is you've been rewired. Like some goddamn Frankenstein movie. The beast is born. Que peasants to run in mortal fear.

There is help out there. If you don't know about the Vet Centers, check them out. The councilors are combat Vets and you're welcome to join us Nam Vet groups if you're comfortable around us. It helped me get my shit as close to "together" as I can get it.

Welcome, Sarg.

 

[Zipperhead]

Sea, I spend the summers camping all over the Maritimes. We've got a trailer and off we go. Last summer we went down to Cape Breton to see the highland games and relax. The people who had the next site over seemed friendly enough. They had 2 kids about Max's age, 7 or 8. Thier Grand Mother was out with them. We talked, and she found out I'd been in Afghanistan. "But of course, you never killed anyone though, eh?" Her 2 grand kids sitting right there. I have never felt more judged in my life. Happy to get outta there a few days later. A Grandmother for f*ck sakes. Aren't they suppose to be nice? I can still relate to other army guys. They don't know I've got issues to deal with, and I keep it that way. In the end, I can understand where they are coming from, and they understand where I've been. Enough said. Now hand the beer over.

 

[Ned]

Sea. That's pretty normal alien-speak. I used to fly off the handle all the time at civvies and bullshit REMFs who didn't get it. Still lose it sometimes. But I try to keep a leash on the anger and I've more or less learned to live with the fact that people don't get it. (would I wish that on them?)
I don't even know if it's possible to go back. But it is possible to live with it. And to make progress. One step forward two steps back sometimes, but you can even learn to live with that...
Problem is we often find it easier to shut the f#ck up, rather than try explaining to people who can't get it.
That's why I appreciate this site. There are times when I'd have cooked off without it.

 

[Wagon]

Hmmm. Grandmothers. My experience is they have all been bitter judgmental old hags. Actually have yet to run into a good one in adult life. As a child, yeah OK. But as an adult, no luck.