Livy's Mom
Silver Member
I've been slowly coming out of the shock and awe of his leaving and am very slowly beginning to take steps to secure my daughter and I for a life that doesn't include him.
It is so so hard. I still cry everyday but I'm moving.
It took me 2 months to print the child support papers and another month to fill them out. I plan to file them on Monday.
After another week of yes I will be there for her and no shows, he showed up last night expecting a warm welcome. Not little one and I were just getting ready to decorate our Christmas tree. I admit that the timing of his arrival couldn't have been worse since I was emotionally raw. She's never known a Christmas without him and he always makes a big deal about lifting her up to do the star.
I made him leave and asked him to respect me and not come back. No more of this.
No more coming into her life for a day just to leave her wondering where you went for two weeks. He truly seemed shocked and appalled that I was saying this. That made me sad.
He said "just remember YOU did this".. I said well congratulations you finally have a reason to blame me. It's ok I'll take the blame of it means she will not have to be hurt by you anymore. He really doesn't believe he is hurting her in any way. Even though I am knowledgable about his disease I will never really understand how that is possible to live with.
He also told me that he's getting a lawyer... This was a comical moment. I said wait... You are going to go and get a lawyer, so you can force yourself to spend time with your daughter and pay that lawyer to also force you to financially support her?? Well that sounds like a pretty damn good idea to me! What an ass.
He didn't even understand how the idea of him getting a lawyer to do exactly what I've been begging him to do was insane.
Anyway, I don't know if him not being able to control this situation anymore will make it worse or better, I just went with my gut.
Where I'm struggling now is yes I'm taking steps forward and yes I took a hard stand for my daughter but I'm doing it all continuously looking over my shoulder hoping and wishing and praying that he takes a step back toward us and back toward life.
There is not a single part of me that wants to let go. It's a strange and awful feeling to do the things it takes to let go when everything within you says no don't.
It's so bizarre to feel hopeless and 100% certain of our family at the same time.
It is so so hard. I still cry everyday but I'm moving.
It took me 2 months to print the child support papers and another month to fill them out. I plan to file them on Monday.
After another week of yes I will be there for her and no shows, he showed up last night expecting a warm welcome. Not little one and I were just getting ready to decorate our Christmas tree. I admit that the timing of his arrival couldn't have been worse since I was emotionally raw. She's never known a Christmas without him and he always makes a big deal about lifting her up to do the star.
I made him leave and asked him to respect me and not come back. No more of this.
No more coming into her life for a day just to leave her wondering where you went for two weeks. He truly seemed shocked and appalled that I was saying this. That made me sad.
He said "just remember YOU did this".. I said well congratulations you finally have a reason to blame me. It's ok I'll take the blame of it means she will not have to be hurt by you anymore. He really doesn't believe he is hurting her in any way. Even though I am knowledgable about his disease I will never really understand how that is possible to live with.
He also told me that he's getting a lawyer... This was a comical moment. I said wait... You are going to go and get a lawyer, so you can force yourself to spend time with your daughter and pay that lawyer to also force you to financially support her?? Well that sounds like a pretty damn good idea to me! What an ass.
He didn't even understand how the idea of him getting a lawyer to do exactly what I've been begging him to do was insane.
Anyway, I don't know if him not being able to control this situation anymore will make it worse or better, I just went with my gut.
Where I'm struggling now is yes I'm taking steps forward and yes I took a hard stand for my daughter but I'm doing it all continuously looking over my shoulder hoping and wishing and praying that he takes a step back toward us and back toward life.
There is not a single part of me that wants to let go. It's a strange and awful feeling to do the things it takes to let go when everything within you says no don't.
It's so bizarre to feel hopeless and 100% certain of our family at the same time.
