Relationship Moving On

[tac1212]

Hi all,

I recently ended a friendship with a sufferer. It was just too one-sided for too long. In the beginning I thought this person could thrive if they just had support but the more he asked for the less important it seemed I became. I was there for him emotionally an monetarily. We spent a lot of time together. I know he opened up to me more than he does with most people and that kept me involved. I didn't want to abandon him even though at times i felt it wasn't the best situation for me. After a while it seemed he just contacted me when he needed something and then mostly when he needed money. I would have never put myself in that position for just anyone. I thought we had a strong bond. I told him how I felt and he said it was all in my head and that our friendship was fine but you know when someone isn't giving you a second thought. A few days after this conversation he contacted me asking to borrow money again. I refused and expressed that I was not comfortable doing that any more. I haven't heard from him since and have not reached out either. I know its for the best but it's been tough.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sorry things have been so rough for you.

Sometimes it's not the PTSD, Sometimes people are just users. It sounds like he was a user and took advantage of your kind nature.:(

 

[nursenurse]

Seasoned veteran here with all sorts of relationships, and I am so sorry for you. Use this experience to make yourself stronger and wiser, but not numb, to the powers of love. What you described is not just PTSD. Use this as a general lesson in life. You will cry or feel sad or both, but life has a way of bringing good things back. I bet I have quite a few years over you, and I am still learning. Keep strong, stay away, go out with friends, travel, volunteer. Life will go on. You are good, you are stronger than you think, and stronger than many I have seen on these boards :)

 

[tac1212]

Thank you. I am striving to be stronger about this situation every day. Thing is, this was so not like me. I am very savy and have had to do for myself for a very long time and had no family support ever so I usually spot users and stay clear out of self-preservation. Not sure why this person struck such a cord with me where I was willing to let down my barriers and boundaries but I am examining that so it doesn't happen again. I know all of his behavior can not be attributed to ptsd but I do know that his life experiences with ptsd altered they way he saw the world and how he related or didn't relate to people. I will always wish him well and sympathize with his struggles but know I can't be the easy answer to his issues or immediate needs. Still, friends mean a lot to me and don't give cut people off easily. I just hope some day he realized what he gave up but I'm not waiting for it.

 

[Lifeline]

Other than the whole "being a jerk" thing and being a "user", I would shut people out because I just couldn't handle the level of emotional Intimacy they craved because of feeling exposed.

On one hand, the guy was a monumental jerk for using you but on the other hand, you guys shared some intensely personal moments of vulnerability that he probably didn't know to how to deal with.

If someone was willing to put that much emotional investment into me, I would be scared like it was too good to be true, resentment for feeling exposed, and a possible obligation to do the same for the other person (which I may or may not want to do).

This isn't to say that any of his behavior is justifiable. I am guessing he probably cared about you to some extent but the expectations and boundaries of the relationship did not seem to be clear other than you were going out of your way to be there for him and him expecting you to support him (taking you for granted). There was a imbalanced dynamic from the get go so when healthier boundaries were being set, it threw off the original nature of this friendship (if it can be called that).

I think that there are a lot of "users" in the world but most of them don't seem to realize to the extent they are using others.

You are much better off moving on. I am sorry that this happened to you.