My abuser contacted my therapist - considering seeing a new therapist

[Scarlet13]

I wanted to emphasize what another person said, that he found a way to you via your T.
So that is f*cked up, psycho total manipulation bull shit right there!

She fell for it. He found a way to you in a safe space. He knew what he was doing. A more clever, ethical T who understands domestic violence and manipulative people would have stopped that shit.

You have every right to be angry and to drop her, so good for you that you did that!
Also, it is not cool for her to tell you about working with your mother in order to help you indirectly.
That is bull shit. That is boundary crossing.
I think your priority is to get a new T and you will.
I think you can then give your self a goal on how to eventually move out, like 6 mos or 1 year.
Be kind to yourself with your symptoms. You just accomplished a lot and you are doing great!
Also, you will not end up abused again because look at what you just did -you drew a line and prevented abuse!

 

[littleoc]

but I got through it and was basically just like "it's okay it's -just- panic nothing bad is happening you're fine you're safe" etc. to myself, breathed through it, calmed down enough to feel like I could breathe again.

Great job!!! That's really awesome!

I want to say more but these winds are f*cking with me too much, I'm going to go shower and see if that helps distract me.

Completely understandable. Take care of yourself.



Also, we here accept you no matter who you love, clearly. I hope that alone gives you a little confidence. Not as good as your mother, of course, but something. :)

I hope you can relax soon! As well as find a new therapist :) but, one thing at a time :)

 

[EveHarrington]

@Justmehere I'm not going to have any more dealings with her myself. She pretty mu...

If she helped your mom, wouldn’t you be worried about another breach of confidentiality? Just as she has broken your confidentiality? And your ex’s confidentiality?

She has a terrible track record in this realm.

 

[whiteraven]

!!!!!!! I sent it !!!!!!!!
holy shit
I did it. It's done. I officially no loner have a...

Awesome, @Sweetleaf! Onward!

 

[Sweetleaf]

If she helped your mom, wouldn’t you be worried about another breach of confidentiality?

I'm not very worried in that I -barely- ever touched on LGBT related stuff with her, and one of her main specialties is helping out LGBT people (on this site I usually just say she specializes in trauma and addiction, but it's trauma + addiction + lgbt issues).

There isn't really anything for her to break confidentiality on, that my mom hasn't already heard, essentially. I don't think she'd go tell my mom about details of my traumas that I've said to her, or anything like that - and even if she did, it's not going to really be surprising because my mom knows that there was some really f*cked up shit that was done to me.

I actually didn't even bring up LGBT stuff with her last session. She brought it up to me, and the way she was talking about it pretty much confirmed that my mom contacted her after a really bad argument about this stuff, that my mom and I had. Like, my T didn't say my mom ever contacted her, but I think it's too odd that she brought it up, and brought up my mom's bullshit (which I've told her about before) - out of nowhere - right after my mother was being a huge c*nt about it.

My mom also had said that she was going to contact my therapist about it (I told her she better f*cking not, because I didn't want to be embarrassed by how much of a f*cking 'phobe she is) so, pretty likely that's why my T is so keen on helping me not have so many problems with my mom anymore.

So basically heres the plan: I will let my T go do what me and her -already- planned to do before I decided to quit seeing her (sorry I didn't mention that bit yet, but it didn't occur to me to say it)- and have her help my mom be less of an asshole about my LGBT status. I will find a new therapist and tell my mom -nothing- about the new therapist, other than I'm seeing a therapist. Lol. Then she can't f*cking go embarrass me and contact my T, because she won't even have a f*cking clue who it is.

 

[littleoc]

I'm not very worried in that I -barely- ever touched on LGBT related stuff with her, and one of her m...

Perfect plan!

She doesn't need to be contacting you right therapist anyway. Your new therapist would find that incredibly weird :)

 

[Sweetleaf]

I wanted to emphasize what another person said, that he found a way to you via your T.

Yes, this, my thoughts have been on this, very heavily.
Thank you for saying all the stuff that you said, I really appreciate it, and it really hits home, in that you're right - he is a manipulative f*cking psycho and he found a way to me through my T.

I honestly think, because he wasn't actually -asking- anything of my T, that he was really just contacting her to get to me, even though I have no idea whether he knows I see her for therapy or not.

It -was- manipulation no matter how you cut it, but I think he was actually targeting me rather than just saying things to her.

But for all I know that's just paranoia.

Either way, I want -NOTHING- to do with that motherf*cker and I'm avoiding anything that has anything to do with him.

This shit is really f*cked up and so triggering in that it makes me feel some of that -strong- fear that I felt when I freshly freed myself from him, and I don't like to feel like that, because it's very hard to bear. It's a dizzying fear.

 

[littleoc]

I'm very glad you won't be seeing this therapist after the fact. Even just the worry is enough to compromise therapy. You deserve the space to truly heal

 

[Suzetig]

I hear you’re comfortable with your decision and I honestly don’t want to shake that but her working with your mum in any capacity is a very real ethical issue. She can’t have any communication with your mum about you that doesn’t confirm you were her client - your mum knowing that from you is different from her knowing it from your therapist.

Whatever your mum knows or doesn’t know is pretty irrelevant - you spoke to your T in confidence and I’m guessing if you had thought there was any chance of that stuff getting back to your family, there are things you might not have said. She doesn’t even need to say anything to your mum - the fact that she could is enough to undermine you.

Has your mum asked for help with your sexuality? If not, your T has no right getting involved even as a friend, even if it might make things easier for you - getting involved in that without you mum expressing she has a problem and would like help is a de facto breach of your confidence because your mum is going to think you’ve told your T age gives you a hard time etc. If your mum did ask for help, all your T needed to do was refer her to a colleague and - again - she shouldn’t have told you about it.

I’m glad you’ve ended with her, she seems way over involved with your family and that’s not healthy for anyone.

I hope the wind has died down too and you get some rest. It might be worth coming back to this thread in a couple of days and reading through with a clear head just to see how well you’ve processed all of this - in the middle of a storm and everything.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I hear you’re comfortable with your decision and I honestly don’t want to shake that but her working with your mum in any capacity is a very real ethical issue

Yeah. I feel you there.

I am done communicating with my T at this point so, as far as I am concerned, she's not there.

If she sends me more emails or whatever, I'm not going to respond.

As the day has gone on, my fear of my abuser has built up, and I feel like I'm at a point where I'm just going to ignore her existence. I'm so glad that I see my pdoc tomorrow. I am sure that will help me calm down.

But, I'm still going to avoid my T. Any avenue of communication between me and my abuser, past, present, or potentially future, must be severed. Having -anything- to do with her is way the f*ck too risky in my eyes. Purely because of my abuser. I'm not even talking about all the ethical concerns and all the other problems. Just the fact that she has -anything- to do with my abuser. Must. Avoid. !!!!!
!

This level of fear that I'm feeling isn't a good mental state, I seriously feel like, coming unglued, like I'm on the verge of derealization and just panic like a motherf*cker. I keep pulling myself back from it. Just gotta hold myself together. f*ck dude. Why the f*ck did she read that email to me? :cry: *hyperventilates* :coldfeet:

I just need to go and try not to think about this shit for a while. Going to play keys and see if that helps. I need to chill, bad.

 

[Sideways]

Has your mum asked for help with your sexuality? If not, your T has no right getting involved even as a friend

This.

I understand that your T may be trying to help. But having been your T? She now needs to seperate herself from professional involvement in your mum’s life. Period.

 

[littleoc]

I just need to go and try not to think about this shit for a while. Going to play keys and see if that helps. I need to chill, bad.

You're safe now -- you've taken steps to be even safer. :hug: