My Abuser In Court

[harrywgtn]

I have finally gone to the police about my abuser after 20 odd years of keeping it to myself.
I really wonder if I have done the right thing. I saw his pic in the paper and I started dry reaching.
3 other people have backed me up and have given their video interview.
The police think there could be 100s of victims.
Now I'm really put to the test. I have to stand up in court with him sitting in front of me.
I'm at work today and just trying not to burst into tears. I think I'm finally feeling sad over what happened to me.
My abuser still looks so scary to me and so big, I think I'm feeling like a little boy again.
How the hell am I going to get through this. How am I going to face him in court.
I'm hoping once he is sent to jail I can start fixing my life, hopefully.

 

[Deleted member 541]

How strong you are......OMG!!!! I can't imagine how difficult this was for you, but you did it. I know that you feel afraid and scared, and are worried, but even if only for a moment.....Feel proud of what you have done. You are an advocate for those that may not have a voice to be heard.

Yes, it will be hard to face him in court, but there will be help for you there. They should have people in place that will help you to give your testimony, and those that will help you to prepare for it. Ask for this, before hand..

You should be very proud of yourself for standing up and telling what you did.

 

[harrywgtn]

Thanks, people that know and my counselors are saying how brave I am and I should be very proud of myself as me going forward and has helped others come forward against this guy. Amazing how you can feel 100 emotions all at once.
At least now he cannot touch any other kids.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hang in there, it will be hard, but you can do this......

 

[harrywgtn]

Thanks, I needed a nice comment right now.
It is hard as nobody understands how I feel, my family tries but they will never understand. I'm going to take some deep breaths and try and get on with my day.

 

[jefferylee]

I hope you can see that you have already taken the biggest and hardest step by the act coming forward. You made that decision for your own health and safety and you can be very proud of that...not to mention the help you are providing other young men. Hold your head high and know this man no longer has any power over you.

Peace and Hope...jefferylee

 

[Blues in NYC]

Wow. I've not had to face my assailant in court. She went to jail for something else. I can only imagine how hard that must be. It is AMAZING that you are doings this.

 

[harrywgtn]

Yea it was eating at me that I was keeping silent and he could still be doing it to young kids. It's coming out that they think there were 100s of young boys but so far 4 of us have come forward. I sat outside court the other day in my car and watched him walk in and out of the court. He is still very scary to me which pisses me off.
I will keep you up to date as to how it goes. At the moment he is pleading not guilty, I can't believe he's pleading not guilty after making my life hell.

 

[igasho]

dear Harrywtgn,

thank you for your courage!!! It is so important what you do! You can be very proud of yourself, i think!

I can relate to that it brings up all the old feelings and also frightens you... but maybe it also works out different? In that you see him as being accused and you are the brave attestor, who stands up against him... it is possible that it gives you a feeling of power which can overcome the feeling of the little boy???

Perhaps you could ask your lawyer whether it is possible to make a video-testify instead of having to face your perpetrator directly, if it makes you too frightend to confront him directly?

Do you have good support through therapist and friends?

My thoughts are with you and I'd be glad if you could keep us updated...

Friendly greetings from germany
Igasho

 

[Deleted member 541]

They always plead not guilty. They will deny, deny, deny, till their last breath. The never take responsibility for what they have done. They place the blame squarely on their victims, and at times they try to make their victims believe that their fault for what has happened to them....Sick bastards!!!!!!! May they all rot in hell!!!!

 

[Manic11]

Harrywgtn,

I agree with what everyone has to say here. You're so strong! You have said that he still looks so big and powerful to you. Completely understandable. One of my abusers is 6"3 and I was very young when he hurt me. I'm now 5"11 so he's still taller but I'm not that far off....He still looks about 10 feet taller than me. It's completely understandable.
But think of it this way. You have many people behind you in court to have this man taken away. And you have even more people here behind you and supporting you. Yes, it is going to be hard but you have so many people you can lean on.
Good luck!
My thoughts are with you.

Manic

 

[stacey.lane]

I went to court a few years ago, to see the attacker sentenced and it was hard, but you have to do it. I am glad I did now, as i had to see him again, somehow it helped to have justice.