Today, I am very sad deep in my heart. I was looking at and talking with my sister and I asked her, (since she was looking kinda pale), if she was alright?. She answered me saying, "I am tired." and I knew that she meant she was tired of struggling. I looked at her closely, her eyes half vacant and glazed over and she said, "Aren't you tired too?" And I answered, "Yes, I am tired too." *( I had to turn my head because I started crying).
She looked up at me and said, "Can you tell I am tired?" and I answered, "Yes. Why don't you lie down in my bed and cover up with the comforter," I asked, "I will be here when you wake up." and so she is now lying in my bed fast asleep and it occurs to me that I don't know, when she goes to sleep, if she is going to wake up again.
I understand on a deeper level that I am watching my sister slowly slip away from me and it is so heartbreaking to watch that I am almost sick to my stomach from the emotional pain. I never knew I could hurt so much and still live.
Just last night sis and I had ice cream, well actually it was about 2 am this morning, and I was thinking how blessed I am to have such a great sister... I am truly blessed. I have over 52 years of happy memories and for now, I still have her in my life.
I wish I could tell you that I feel strong and that I am going to be alright, but I am not feeling strong or like I will be okay. I feel lost, heartbroken, and afraid.
Thank you for letting me share my troubles here.
