My Boss And His Continual Failure To Recognize That I Have A Physical Problem

[Lady of Longbourn]

I'm sorry about your work....keep posting.

 

[QuietNow]

There's a lot to fill in. I can't do it tonight, but I will post more in a while. Once this sorts out.

Despite the offer of "work with us instead of filing the reasonable accommodation" things didn't work out well. I made a self-accommodation to the cubicle --I cable-tied pvc pipe to the cubicle standards [where you hang the clip-on shelves] in a frame and hung a curtain up. I pull it back most of the time, but there are times when I close it. It provided enough of an illusion of protection that I can tolerate the cubicle --if I up my medication and take frequent breaks and do most of my work at home anyway.

The director, Chris, saw the self-accommodation and the cubicle that I'd chosen (two were occupied and one was completely unsuitable when I picked mine) and blew up. Evidently the unsuitable cubicle was specifically designed for me (6'x6', closest to the door so people coming in tend to just pop a head over the wall, desk facing into corner so the back is completely exposed to the room). It was made "smaller with a very narrow door". I'm not positive, but I think they translated my agoraphobic fear of people into "needs a small space".

(I'll also state that the cube I chose was the second largest and has a window in it. It was slated for the new hire [who was our previous employee returning to us after trying a consulting gig for a while] after he was hired. So the two largest cubes were for the men and the two smallest for the women. And built that way for them. I don't honestly think the management even considered how it would look to the women. And this woman exercised her right of seniority to take the nicer cube --not that I realized that I was supposed to take the unsuitable one. The cubes were never assigned. No one told me that I was to sit in the unsuitable cube.)

(I think they must think that I'm mocking them but I'm certainly not. I'm trying to work within this framework to find something that will make everyone happy. I'm not sure that that is possible.)

(The only thing that I can also say is that I am relieved that the changes were made. Despite the unsuitable cube, it's one of 3 that would work in the grouping of 4. The old furniture arrangement was 4 of 4 that wouldn't work. This one I can make workable enough --I think.)

It's blown way up. The manager, Oliver, called campus HR. They sent me a letter demanding a medical form filled out by my physician in 10 days. Since I can't get in to see the pdoc for roughly 30 days, that 10 day requirement was waived --verbally.

Oliver also torpedoed me in my annual review in June. When I pointed out that I'd have appreciated the faults being pointed out in a mid-year review but we never had one, he stated that if we'd had one in November it wouldn't have helped anyway because he didn't think that it would have made a difference in my behavior. Nice. (But that's a major point, actually. Contractually they are required to do expectations setting at the beginning of the year, mid-year review, and final review.)

I won't talk more about this until I see how it shakes out. But Oliver told me that filing the paperwork with our department HR person was not a request for accommodation. That a request for accommodation has to be sent to the central HR.

 

[QuietNow]

I've been in the hospital for a while. Things got to a head at work and my psychiatrist thought it best that I'd go to a "partial inpatient" (day-long group counseling) program for trauma. When I called the intake for that program, they shocked me by saying that they'd like me to come in for full inpatient. The panic attacks and dissociative events were at crisis point.

I was there for about 3 weeks. Now that I'm out, I'm running through my sick and vacation time and trying to figure out what to do. Today I'm taking the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) paperwork to my psychiatrist to let her fill out the Department of Labor form for the FMLA paperwork. I'm not going to do advance sick leave, but instead take leave-without-pay. If something happens, I don't want to be in a position to have to pay back a ton of back-pay.

This doesn't look good for me. Work hit such a bad note that I can't imagine going back. I don't even want to run into my manager or my director in the hallway, much less in a supervisory role. I can't do on-call paging anymore, and that's a huge chunk of my job.

I think I'll get better. But last night I had a full-blown dissociative event again which ended up with me drooling under a desk and my spouse pulling me out in the worst possible way. We never covered what to do if I actually *do* dissociate. Just methods to keep me from dissociating. (discussed at the hospital when I was being discharged) My husband let me go for "10 or 15 minutes" then came in and took my hand and tried to pull me out from under the desk (it was a kid's desk and I certainly didn't really fit well under there). He said I was limp and he kept calling my name and telling me to come out. Well, I had no clue who he was and someone calling my name and pulling me out fit about a dozen not-good scenarios.

Once this was over with, I let him know that if that ever happens again, intervene immediately. Try to get something very cold in my hands. Tell me who *he* is, ask if I know where I am, tell me where I am, let me know the year. Repeat over and over again soothingly. Really. I need that. Otherwise I'm stuck in a bad place.

We've now got a frozen orange ready in the freezer in case I vacate the premises again like that.

But what in the world do I do about work?

 

[QuietNow]

And I'll add that at least the FMLA paperwork will put off the decision on work until I feel stronger. I don't feel stable at all right now.