My boyfriend hit me again and I left him


First I want to say that I'm so sorry this happened and also very proud of you for leaving!

The thought of being alone for the rest of my life is tearing me apart.

This haunted me for like 15 yrs and due to that I seeked out abusive men purposefully to abuse me. I asked for it. Due to that my therapist has helped me stop seeking out men and stay single. Now being single for several years, it actually feels good now. Freeing almost. I dont need no damn man! I am independent. And I really have a very independent personality anyway.

I say all of that to say that these feelings can fade and maybe reframing that can help with the emotions around it?

Either way, :hug:s
Hey @EveHarrington

Im so sorry to hear what you went through. I myself recently left an abusive relationship this year. I completely understand everything you are feeling and just know you are not alone.

I know its hard not to feel ashamed for not leaving sooner. I felt the same way but then I remember that when you are in the relationship, its not all just abuse. There are good times and loving times too so, at least in my case, that clouds your judgement of them because you truly believe they love you and care for you (all the gifts are a perfect example, my ex did the exact same thing.) It is practically a way to groom you. But in my eyes the most important thing is that you LEFT. You are out of that terrible relationship and now you can truly begin the process of growing and healing. No matter how long it took you, you did it and that just shows you have the strength to get better too.

I don't feel safe anymore as well. But that is no reason to believe you will be alone forever. Right now is the perfect time to focus on YOU and processing everything you endured and overcoming your fears. Once you find that love and acceptance within yourself THEN will you be able to focus it into a relationship and finding a partner who is not a lying, abusive sack of s***. And you gotta give yourself time too. Its been a few months since I was last with my ex and I find that I still not ready to be with someone else romantically yet. I still have a lot to process and deal with as well.

I hurt a lot too and its hard to find people who understand what it feels like. You have a support system here in the forum though. And if you ever want to talk you can always message me. I am in no way a therapist but if you ever need someone to relate to don't hesitate.

I really hope you are able to see your therapist soon. Keep pushing people in the office until you get an appointment! Talk to a supervisor or office manager if you have to.

You deserve the world and I hope you realize it and take good care of yourself. You are not alone. And take your time bby??


So sorry for what happened to you, but KUDOS for leaving and taking care of yourself. Keep those texts, maybe try to print them out and save them in case something happens to the phone (sorry, watch a little too much Judge Judy, LOL!) It sounds off for the front desk to make therapy related decisions. Keep persisting with the appointments and consider reporting it to the state licensing board if it continues. Maybe ask the therapist about it when you do see her, she may not be aware of it. Hang in there, and keep advocating for yourself. You've got this!! Prayers for strength and peace.
I don't understand how hitting his ex justifies him hitting you? :confused: That is really f*cked.
Like did he know who he's now in a relationship with? Doesn't make sense Eve. Glad you called him out on it - that's good for your spirit and ending the relationship with him is good for your health.

Even if Mr Perfect (lol is there such a creature??) came wandering into your life right now, I don't think you're ready. Time to settle, calm the wounds and reset.

And you're psych doc??? What!! Nope not right fire them too and get somebody who is available - possibly the first and most important aspect to have in a therapeutic relationship!

When you're feeling well and good about yourself you'll be ready for the prospect of healthy relationship.


Hi @EveHarrington I agree with everything everyone else has said and just want to reiterate that you should ask to speak to your therapists supervisor. Maybe even report them to the appropriate board. If you don't get a reasonable response then get a new therapist because they're treating you really badly. I'm so sorry you've suffered like this and never forget that people on here really care about you. Keep posting and let us know how you are. ?


I am so sorry you have experienced that Eve. You have done the right thing by ending it and it will take you a while to heal but please don't blame yourself for realising after 2 years that he was an abuser. Chances are you did notice red flags but gave him the benefit of the doubt. I am sure that now, looking back you can spot the red flags but we know abusers are so very skilled and can con anyone. Don't feel bad about that, I am sure he is very crafty and manipulative.
Well done for saying enough is enough and for loving yourself and putting your needs first. Not sure if you live with him? Give yourself time, take baby steps and be kind to yourself. There is no pressure to think about future relationships. This is time for you to work on being kind to yourself and keeping yourself safe. Are there any support groups in your area for survivors of sexual / physical abuse? Not sure what country you are based in but hope you can look for some support groups / online groups or see a different therapist. It sounds like your current therapist is unavailable and in order to get your needs met, please seek therapy with someone else even if it is just for a while and if you would prefer to return to your original therapist because you have already built up that trust then fair enough. For now though, you do need to have an outlet and have support. I hope that this forum can give you some kind of sense of a support network. Be gentle with yourself and block any possible interactions with this guy so that you can heal and not have any further triggers.


I’ve read all of your replies and I very much appreciate them. I am not strong enough to reply just yet as I am still struggling with so much shame. This is why I am hardly here anymore.


I’ve read all of your replies and I very much appreciate them. I am not strong enough to reply just yet as I am still struggling with so much shame. This is why I am hardly here anymore.
You’re learning. No shame in that. None deserved, anyway. Including if you went back to him, to try and fix things / give things a chance... or were horrified you’d let him into your life at all.

People are complicated. Lives are complicated. Cut yourself some slack. It’s YOUR life. Learning how you want to live it? Isn’t a ‘just add water’ kind of thing. It’s an adventure of mistakes, problems, lessons, frustrations, failures, victories. And that’s what makes it badass. That it’s yours.


Sorry to hear this, @EveHarrington. I remember in one post I read some months ago that you had said that he was practically your only friend. It must be hard to deal with the loss of someone who played such a big role in your life. You're really strong for sticking to what is best for you and leaving. How are you doing? Have you been in touch with your therapist?