Not being PC in my response actually. I am heavily influenced by a whole lot of research I did a couple of years ago. Mostly looking at what would strictly be considered illegal. Often that is a mute point of course as these things don't get to that point and I don't think it is beneficial either for a lot of situations. I agree that many things are talked about as being abusive that are not and the word is thrown around.
I was very surprised when I looked at laws and definitions and what they entailed. Before that I dismissed anything that wasn't violent and the whole shebang. In reality there is a range and spectrum of behaviour that is considered unacceptable.
Just because something is less severe than another behaviour does not mean it is not problematic or even considered potentially illegal or abusive. Saying that a fully clothes brother with a possible mistaken erection is not the same as rape is misleading as noone is talking about something such as rape here. A black and white approach is not relevant.
I was surprised to find out that sexual abuse included many non physical things and there are many specifications that influence how problematic they are considered. That includes the age difference, how closely related the parties are, power dynamics and if the behaviour happens repeatedly.
For example non consensual grabbing by a peer would be considered very differently to a brother or cousin 5 years older doing the same behaviour.
Also there is a tendency to dismiss behaviour just because it is done by an adolescent. That doesn't mean adolescents should be demonised for lessor behaviours but they certainly should be calmly addressed so that they know what is appropriate and not. It also doesn't mean the person on the receiving end is any less affected than if it was a adult.
http://www.cyc-net.org/cyc-online/cycol-0905-charles.html
Link Removed
I think it's important to realise that someone may not be a rampant paedophile in order to behave in a way that is considered unacceptable or technically classified as abusive. They also don't have to be aware that what they are doing is problematic for it to be so. How something would be best addressed or dealt with is a totally separate issue to how it potentially affects the person on the receiving end of things or if that behaviour is classified as a problem.
I do think there are factors that could affect how this would be seen such as family culture but in most families children do not go around naked after adolescents and especially with an erection and certainly not when interacting with children. Of course it isn't rape! but I do think it would be considered exhibitionism which can potentially be considered non contact form of abuse.
I am sorry I brought up the A word now as I think this getting sidetracked into a debate about definitions instead of looking at Jesse's feelings isn't useful.
Jesse, we all agree that you have a right to feel violated by this. How you feel is how you feel and important. Maybe its best to leave out the terminology and look at how you experienced it.I think it's very unfortunate the therapist didn't do that with you - re focus it on how you experienced this. There are many nuances that are not easy to relate to such as body language and other subtleties that affect how one would experience these things.
have never felt comfortable around him since
It seemed that this affected you enough to change your relationship with him permanently afterwards. And that it took you a lot of courage discussing it with a t and over here. I know you said it was difficult to post.
f*cked me up worst of all because I finally opened up
It seems that the therapists response was very upsetting for you and that it has made things worse.
I hope you discuss it with another therapist. I would start by telling her/him what happened the last time you discussed it. I hope you allow yourself to look at how you experienced it and how it made you feel.
