My dad ruined my life

[FlyingHigh]

Sorry if this thread doesn't make sense and is in the wrong category... I just need to write and vent.

I can't handle dealing with this PTSD anymore, its ruining my life. I can't trust anyone. My dad doesn't realise what he's done and the damage he has caused to me. He was so violent to me that I have a hard time trusting anyone. He kicked me with steel boots, smashed my head against walls, split my lip open, bashed my mother and a whole heap of other stuff.

He denies everything!!! He thinks he was a good dad but just because he provided for us financially, that doesn't make him a good father when he did all that crazy stuff. I feel like I have long term issues because of my dad. I tried many times to break contact with him but I never last long.

I feel numb right now. I feel overwhelmed at the same time. I feel like I have a moral obligation to my dad but dont want to be abused. I can't recover and heal when he's still in my life. I tell him I have PTSD because of him and he yells and screams at me. He knows he's the reason but won't admit it. I can't deal with him anymore. I want to get out of feeling like i am obligated to talk to him but he's my dad. I'm so upset right now. My life has been ruined because of him.

Has anyone had abusive / violent parents? How did you go with no contact?

 

[Chem Lady]

It is so hard to go no contact! There are different versions of no contact. My mom was emotionally abusive(which is even easier for the abuser to deny!!). I moved 3000km away from her. I did go total non-contact for almost a year which was good. During that time, my mom did figure out she needed to change some things, and stopped yelling at me constantly. I have never told her that I have ptsd because that would go poorly and I don't feel like being yelled at anymore. Now, I have a full life outside of her. I have other people who support and care about me. I still talk to her a few times a year but I don't ever share anything personal. We talk about the weather or our pets or how my car is working, etc.. When I keep it superficial, and when I don't depend on her for anything, we have a pleasant relationship.
I'm not sure if this is any help to you. I sometimes find that hearing other people's stories help me rule things out or rule things in which helps me make a decision for my own situation.

 

[FlyingHigh]

That definitely helps. Its always helpful to hear other peoples experiences and I hope some of my experiences can be helpful to others as well. Thank you chem lady.
I'm sorry you went through that chem lady, its amazing how you had the strength to go no contact for a whole year. Did you find you were able to heal a lot better than when you were in contact? I feel that my recovery might be easier without having contact with my father. He yells alot too and it really sends me on a downward spiral emotionally and then PTSD symptoms start acting up.

 

[FlyingHigh]

Sorry I meant to say "did you find you were able to heal better when you went no contact?

 

[Chem Lady]

I definitely needed at least some time of no contact. I needed to make sense of what I experienced without my mom twisting it all into something normal and making me seem like I was ungrateful and crazy. Once I was able to see things for what they were it was easier to allow her a place in my life; however, I made mistakes here and there and I did get hurt more times after speaking to her again. It's taken a lot of practice to get to the place where I'm not usually open to being hurt by her again.
I hope you can find a situation that works for you and where you are safe. Please feel free to post your attempts and how they went on this site. It's a great place for support.

 

[Sideways]

You talk about your father's abuse of you in the 'past tense', as though it was something that happened to you. Your father's denial of the abuse is actually a contiuation of the abuse on a very destructive level. Going no contact with him, IMO, would be your way of finally ending the abuse. Which is going to give you an opportunity to heal from it. Because, as long as his denial continues to be a factor in your life today? He is still abusing you.

 

[420kitty]

You are an adult. You're not obligated to talk with your parents anymore. As cruel as it may sound. Some times it is far better than to deal with the emotional ups and downs. I have not talked with my mother in over a year and haven't seen her in about 10 years, or so. It might be hard and you may feel guilty at first. But then you can start to fully heal. Good luck. *hugs*

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I cut my dad off in1985 and it was hard. I never spoke to him again and he died a few years ago which I found out after he had died. At first I felt weird and then relief that he could never hurt anyone ever again.

 

[LoveTea]

My dad did a lot of sh*t to me, and my mother is pretty emotionally abusive. They both act like they were great parents because I “turned out ok” (I’m in college and get good grades that’s the only thing they care about-looking good). I have a very strained relationship with my father and he at least acts like he can’t seem to figure out why. My sister is constantly pushing me saying that “he’s trying” as if that means anything now. She keeps guilting me into seeing him and talking to him. It’s not my job to be ready when he wants to be ready, and he has done too much for me to ever be alone with him again. I want to go no contact so badly, but I am still financially dependent. I’m trying to lay the ground work for that now though.

I get super numb from being overwhelmed a lot. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. Going no contact is not always as easy as it seems and other people (who havn’t had to do it) make it sound. I hope you do manage to get that though—it can certainly help with the overwhelmed feeling sometimes. I find that when I havn’t talk to my parents in a while everything seems just a little more manageable.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Sorry if this thread doesn't make sense and is in the wrong category... I just need to write and ven...

I had a husband like that.....it was always duck and run......and he dissociated so badly....I didn't know that's what he was doing but when I'd try to talk to him....he'd start snoring....and on a different day, holes in the wall...hands around the neck!

 

[Mach123]

I actually did this to my own family through my ptsd and it was done to me when I was growing up. We are much better we stayed together and they know how much I have changed. I never did anything physical in terms of my children but I had really severe cPTSD and was symptomatic around them in their formative years. I particularly hard on my stepson. I never talk about this. He comes and sees us. I am grateful to him for that because it makes my wife happy. I just want to say like "I'm sorry I know I wrecked your life." It speaks volumes to the differences in how things were. Some of those guys used to come home and eat and never even talk to anyone unless they were giving us a beating. We have been in therapy for years and we stayed married. It was a nightmare though for everyone I admit. We are what I'd call a close family in spite of it all. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm sorry we all have.