My daughter has PTSD too

[Kubash16]

I totally get that @Zoogal. It would definitely have made things easier for you. I was just pointing out to Shimmerz and Albatross that privacy laws are there for a reason and it would be dangerous if every therapist assumed that every parent can be trusted.

 

[Gs172003]

I totally get that @Zoogal. It would definitely have made things easier for you. I was just pointing out to Shimmerz and Albatross that privacy laws are there for a reason and it would be dangerous if every therapist assumed that every parent can be trusted.

I absolutely understand. Believe me.

 

[blackemerald1]

But what if OP was an abuser or protecting an abuser?

If the OP was the abuser (being the parent) the therapist would have been obligated to report her. Mandatory reporting laws? But she wasn't and the child returned home to her mother during and after treatment.

it would be dangerous if every therapist assumed that every parent can be trusted.

Agreed however two points to consider. Firstly, therapists have a lot of room to manoeuvre about what they divulge to parents/guardians/caregivers in terms of details but a diagnosis goes a long way in assisting the parent deal with other professionals that may need to know. Teachers, other medical professionals, lawyers, Courts etc.,

Secondly, there a lot of shabby therapists out there. Holding Privacy Laws above the rights of a child to receive the best care possible, and for the parent to advocate for this, in this particular scenario.... idk... that seems like too much power being given to a system and strangers imo. Who takes the burden of risk if not the parent, on behalf of the child? Who will ever know if anything goes awry if the parent is not kept in the loop.. again at least for a diagnosis if not details..

We all hope that therapists etc., are good, experienced and sensible but we know that's not always the case. Do we have a situation here where Privacy Laws trump the rights of a child (minor) and a parent right to protect that child? Idk..

I just think that there seems to have been enough ppl who knew the OP and the 'history' that lead to the disorder with the child for them to involve the OP in knowing the diagnosis. The OP was not the perp here and it's clear that she was not complicit in respect to the child being traumatised. Trust isn't an issue.

But when parents are perps or negligent, reckless etc etc there are other parts of the system and other laws that are supposed to kick in and protect that minor child. Privacy Laws are not pseudo child protection laws or not meant to be.

@Zoogal - you may have been years away from receiving your own diagnosis but I'm sure you love and care for your daughter and would have made it your business to learn about this disorder and help your child appropriately. Not knowing must have been a disadvantage I'm sure.

Is there any reason your daughter gave you for why she didn't tell you all those years ago or sometime sooner?

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal - you may have been years away from receiving your own diagnosis but I'm sure you love and care for your daughter and would have made it your business to learn about this disorder and help your child appropriately. Not knowing must have been a disadvantage I'm sure.

Is there any reason your daughter gave you for why she didn't tell you all those years ago or sometime sooner?

No she didn't tell me but I have a feeling it was to protect me.

 

[Kubash16]

I am not accusing OP of anything bad, so please don’t think that’s what I’m implying. I completely understand why she would want to know the diagnosis and why it would be helpful.

My point is, the therapist doesn’t always know where the parent lands on things. Let’s take my case for instance. I spilled about what was going on with my stepdad to a friend at school. After some run around at the school, CPS got involved. Whose the first person they contact? My mother. Whose the person they believe is going to do everything to protect me? My mother. Who do they trust to give them info and cooperate with them without being suspicious of her? My mother. When they put me in a room with a therapist and gave me the knowledge that she would know what was said, I shut down. Made up lies. Because I was TERRIFIED. I was destroying the family and she would have a front row seat to it. So I didn’t talk. She lied and made excuses, so they dropped it and she pulled me out of school and we went gallivanting around the country. Without a doubt, the abuse continued with her full knowledge of it. Her only concern was protecting him. But they trusted her, because she’s a parent, she’s a mother, so wouldn’t she be a person they could talk to about me? He knew everything I said, and you best believe it didn’t end up pretty.

 

[grit]

My 25 year old daughter just informed me today that she was diagnosed when she was 13. She never told me until today. She just started going to therapy again. Why wasn't I told as her parent by the person who diagnosed her?
I do have to say I am not surprised at all by the diagnosis just that she got it that young. We got it from the same person.

@Zoogal,
I hope you do not blame yourself on this matter. Just as that person caused you as an adult that much damage, just imagine what he or she could have done to your daughter. She was probably too afraid or too dissociated to really take you on her side at that time. Hope you find respite, your child has been to therapy that long and that has something to do with you as the mother.

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal,
I hope you do not blame yourself on this matter. Just as that person caused you as an adult that much damage, just imagine what he or she could have done to your daughter. She was probably too afraid or too dissociated to really take you on her side at that time. Hope you find respite, your child has been to therapy that long and that has something to do with you as the mother.

Thank you.

 

[blackemerald1]

I am not accusing OP of anything bad,

I know you are not accusing Kubash... I hope you don't think I am saying that you are. :)

I completely understand why she would want to know the diagnosis and why it would be helpful.

That's good that you can understand this. When parents, like the OP are willing and able to help their children it really is best that they be included in the management and care regime. That doesn't mean being left to their own devices btw.

My point is, the therapist doesn’t always know where the parent lands on things.

^That's probably why therapists should not make the decision alone.

There should be someone else (aside from the parent (s)) involved who investigate the matter. Trauma by another person against a minor is illegal. Mandatory reporting should have triggered a proper investigation. I am unaware if this happened in the the OP's situation.

I am acutely aware that the process is fallible. But there are many occasions where it does work and parents are included in the ongoing treatment and care of the minor child. A lot of times that also includes the whole family. That's the best outcome imo.

Why exclude a parent if they are capable of assisting in the overall recovery of a child?

With very limited information available in this circumstance, it seems the Privacy Laws? outweighed the parent (OP) rights and responsibilities to know vital information, in particular a diagnosis. On this occasion it seems that the 'system' (and I hate the word system) didn't work in favour of the child nor the (OP) mother.

I'm not saying all parents should know information about children who present with trauma. Particularly when there's some doubt about the identity of the perpetrator and it's domestic related. That would be naive.

However these are incredibly complex scenarios that require sensitivity and intensive investigations. Without these investigations situations like yours and the OP's happen. Determining if the parents should be told information and diagnosis is part of that investigation.

If they are not fit to be told for any reason, then I completely agree with you Kubash16, they definitely should not be told.

This (investigation and determination) doesn't seemed to have happened in this OP's situation and that's the only circumstance I am referring to. Not hypothetical (s), not black and white - one rule for everyone. Just this OP and her particular situation from reading this thread.

Let’s take my case for instance.

^I'm so sorry this happened Kubash16 - it must have been terrifying for you. Your mother was entirely negligent and so very damaging.

I can also see why you are inputting into this thread from the direction you are...having that dismal experience behind you and knowing that mother's do not always step up and put their children first and the lengths a negligent parent will go to to avoid and evade the very system that ought to have protected you.

Yet again, I am 'disappointed' that ppl who did know, or ought to have known didn't set aside their own fears and protect a minor child.

 

[mamachick]

You did have a right to be informed of her diagnosis at that time. However, unless parents push for that specific diagnosis, they are trained to avoid it. Rather, they may say she is struggling with x, y and z. There is good reason for it for the most part. Sometimes they even withhold adult diagnosis if they feel it will be counterproductive to their care.

This is a little different twist that relates more to what Kubash said. I have a 17 yr old granddaughter who has been the "identified Patient " for the past several years. She has a had a couple hospitalizations for cutting and been in detention and has to see a probation office and be clean for alcohol and marajuana. Unfortunately, she see's moms bf do crack and both adults use needles. She fears being pulled out of the home and says she only has another year now. I have called the parents out on it numerous times and things just go back to the way they were. Im disgusted with how the system works. Foster homes can be much worse. I am sickened and it has only got worse in some ways.

 

[EveHarrington]

I am not accusing OP of anything bad, so please don’t think that’s what I’m implying. I completely understand why she would want to know the diagnosis and why it would be helpful.

My point is, the therapist doesn’t always know where the parent lands on things. Let’s take my case for instance. I spilled about what was going on with my stepdad to a friend at school. After some run around at the school, CPS got involved. Whose the first person they contact? My mother. Whose the person they believe is going to do everything to protect me? My mother. Who do they trust to give them info and cooperate with them without being suspicious of her? My mother. When they put me in a room with a therapist and gave me the knowledge that she would know what was said, I shut down. Made up lies. Because I was TERRIFIED. I was destroying the family and she would have a front row seat to it. So I didn’t talk. She lied and made excuses, so they dropped it and she pulled me out of school and we went gallivanting around the country. Without a doubt, the abuse continued with her full knowledge of it. Her only concern was protecting him. But they trusted her, because she’s a parent, she’s a mother, so wouldn’t she be a person they could talk to about me? He knew everything I said, and you best believe it didn’t end up pretty.

Just because the system failed you doesn’t mean that parents should be kept in the dark.

You’re making a lot of assumptions and painting every non abusive parent with the same brush. Not every partner of an abuser will act this way.

You’re blaming the system for failing you when the bigger issue is that your mom failed you. The system isn’t perfect and never will be. They did the best with what they had.