My Day Of Terror Yesterday

[bluebeard]

I collapsed yesterday afternoon and finally relised I had to face my fear

I gace information to the police that led to the arrests of two brothers , one of whom wa charged with an assault

I live in a smal town and it was only a matter of time before I bumped into the brothers or one of their sons

so I phoned up the younger brother and said I wanted to speak to him .....to my surprise he was ok on the phone

but I was still terrified ..my father had to come with me

we went into the house and I explained that although I saw exactly what the brother under charge did ....I now had information that it was in fact the other party involved ( who was injured ) who had started the trouble and that although since the incident the police had asked me to be a witness and make a statement , I had refused

god I was petrified but they were ok shook my hand and my dads hand and at the end my father turned to the brother ( who is my age , mid forties ) and shook his hand and put his hand on his shoulder and said " thank you for listening "

I came home and was so scared I took a few valium and have had some awful fearful thoughts today that now they know it was me that I will be next but my father has said they probably respect you for refusing to give the police a statement and probably think more of you now

I just hope my father who I love so dearly is right

my mother has also been trying to help me , saying that I did the right thing and facing your fear is better than living with it

hopefully I can get some good advice off you guys

 

[deer_in_headlights]

((((((((((((Bluebeard))))))))))))

Oh, dear Bluebeard, how incredibly brave of you!!!!!!
I came to the site, awash in adrenaline, (so joining you, in empathy).

Is there a victims assistance center where you are? There is one, locally, who offers counseling at no charge (grants take care of expenses). Victims would also include bystanders / witnesses who are afraid for their lives.

They also offer good legal counsel and support, in case you might ever feel a need for an order of protection, if you become a victim of harassment.

You might want to read Gavin de Becker's book, "The Gift of Fear". It's a wonderful, extremely helpful book that can address some of the concerns that you have, and help you know what to do. It's been a wonderful help to me (I had a very dangerous person in my life).

I hope you can relax and rest your body, mind and spirit today, knowing you did a very brave thing.

Do you know how to practice getting present? (Anxiety like you're having is about the future, so practicing being in the present is a valuable tool to stop "what-if" terrors.) This can include being in nature, enjoying birds and animals, smelling something that smells wonderful (like Christmas dinner yum!), enjoying something beautiful (ie studying a flower), being aware of what is happening in your body. If you're in the present, you're more naturally aware and can think and act with greater clarity.

(((((((((((((((Bluebeard))))))))))))))
Wishing you a comforting, healing, wonderful Christmas... in a world where it is possible to live safe among the wolves, without becoming one.

 

[bluebeard]

thank you so much

I think that by me facing up to these guys , letting them know what I saw but making sure they knew I wasnt going to be helping the police was a protection strategy but also one that had a double edged sword ..I got the feeling they were ok with me

certainly sitting in their house over a drink with my father was a strange experience ...I think I had to do it as if I had done nothing and 6 months down the line seen them then I would have been terrified ..at least they know well this guy saw things but he aint going to be against us ...and I let them know that I knew it was the other guy ..who was injured ..who started the trouble

I am still scared now ..after all its only yesterday ..but I am certain that have done the right thing

 

[bluebeard]

sorry guys for putting this in wrong section xx

 

[shadowchaser]

Don't worry about the wrong section thing. The mods move stuff when needed and they are very nice about it. I've messed up a couple of times and they have always been more then polite.

I'm glad your ok. It can be tough when family is involved. We all have so much we are afraid of in here and to face one of those fears is always a huge event. Congratulations!

 

[bluebeard]

thank you very much

I am very nervous about what happened yesterday but there was just something telling me it had to be done

 

[BloomInWinter]

...and probably think more of you now

WOW. You...COURAGE IN ACTION!!!

To @#$#@! of what THEY think of you! :> I hope YOU think highly of yourself...you have SO MUCH to be proud of.

It will get better...when we stand up to our families, sometimes it goes bad for awhile. But their feelings towards us don't have to BE us.

You are writing your own story. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

 

[Philippa]

I think it's very powerful when we can reach the point where we HAVE to take a stand and demand acknowledgement and accountability for the actions that have harmed us. It gives us self-respect, and it is one step towards taking power back...regardless of whether the family member admits to their behavior or not...it's acknowledging that the truth of the matter is out and their lies cannot hold anymore.

Bravo. It must have taken a lot to do this, so I wish you well and healing to come from all of this.

 

[Heather]

Wow! It took a lot of courage to do what you did and know that you are NOT all alone. Four years ago my brother-in-law sexually assaulted me and I went to the police and let me tell you I was NOT supported by my family at all my mother didn't want me to do or say anything. so, when I did the fall-out was not pretty at all. So, I can imagine how much it must have taken for you to be able to do that but keep reminding yourself you did what you needed to do because there was no other alternative. I wish you much healing.

 

[bluebeard]

Thanks guys and gals , xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Froggie]

Wow! It took a lot of courage to do what you did and know that you are NOT all alone. Four years ago my brother-in-law sexually assaulted me and I went to the police and let me tell you I was NOT supported by my family at all my mother didn't want me to do or say anything. so, when I did the fall-out was not pretty at all. So, I can imagine how much it must have taken for you to be able to do that but keep reminding yourself you did what you needed to do because there was no other alternative. I wish you much healing.

I find that absolutely horrible for a victime to be alone when they stand up to their agressor (I prefer that term than abuser because it defines it as a crime). (((Heather))) you did right, and as you wished to Bluebeard, I also wish you much healing.

 

[Froggie]

thank you so much

I think that by me facing up to these guys , letting them know what I saw but making sure they knew I wasnt going to be helping the police was a protection strategy but also one that had a double edged sword ..I got the feeling they were ok with me

certainly sitting in their house over a drink with my father was a strange experience ...I think I had to do it as if I had done nothing and 6 months down the line seen them then I would have been terrified ..at least they know well this guy saw things but he aint going to be against us ...and I let them know that I knew it was the other guy ..who was injured ..who started the trouble

I am still scared now ..after all its only yesterday ..but I am certain that have done the right thing

You're doing amazing steps and each victory will lead you to a healing road. Your integrity will pay off.