My First Prolonged Exposure Appt....

[tatertot]

Well, that wasn't easy at all.

:(

But I made it through it.

I wasn't prepared nor thinking I was going to start that day but T encouraged me to give a try. It was hard to talk in the present tense as if it was happening. I didn't like that but I can see how it helped get me "IN" to that room and feeling.

Well, what happened next was scary and made me really uncomfortable. After talking about just a bit of stuff (not even the hard details), I went into a full blown panic attack. My breathing was so fast and shallow, I was sweating, and what scared me most is that my hands and my legs were frozen. I couldn't move. T asked me to move my feet and I couldn't. I was freaking out. We tried so many things to get me "out of that" moment but nothing was working. 40 minutes later, I was able to stand up and she was able to help me walk and then slowly I got the feeling in my legs and arms again.

I got to the car and crashed. Wanted to fall asleep but didn't want to sleep in the parking lot. I was so tired and so hungry (probably due to the adrenaline).

I got home and was panicky wondering if what happened was normal because my body surely never got frozen like that before. So I called the T and we were able to talk and she was able to reassure me that yes, my body was frozen and that was a normal reaction due to me having hidden this pain and story for so long so my body was fighting me telling the story. I felt better having heard that from here because I surely didn't want to go back and continue what seems to be total torture!

But I'm going to go back. And try it again. THis time we are going to have me tell the story with my eyes open and talk about it as if it's in the past so I don't get stuck in that memory. I think that will help me some.

Anyway, just had to share my experience. It was so very hard. Hardest thing I've done but after listening to the CD of our session (something I'm supposed to listen to daily) I feel comforted that the T was trying so hard to help me through the session. She was trying to push me and at the same time let me know that I was okay.

This is just so different than "talk therapy" and I hope this will do the trick to help me heal or at least get 10 steps further than where I've been. I just don't want my past to haunt me anymore.

Thanks for letting me share!

 

[Joan]

I hope you can be proud of yourself for facing such hard things...AND being willing to try again. Make sure to be kind to yourself in the meantime. I have done some prolonged exposure. It is really hard work so make sure to commend yourself and be kind.

 

[maddog]

I have also done prolonged exposure in the past, and agree that it's extremely confronting and difficult, but also very effective if appropriately timed and delivered. I'm really glad to hear that you're going to take a step backwards and begin with a less direct exposure when reliving the event. I think it's really important to pace yourself according to your degree of emotional tolerance for the experience and the extent to which you are able to utilise safety and grounding strategies during and after the exposure.

While it is very useful to replay the CD repeatedly for its desensitisation effect, be careful as you do this, given the impact that that level of exposure had on you at the time. If both you and your T are confident that you are safe to manage this on your own that's fine, but remember that the level of exposure should never exceed your coping threshold, and if that session was a bit intense for you at the time, it's possible that you may struggle similarly when replaying it.

I really do know how intense this form of therapy is. It was some of the earliest direct trauma processing work that i did and I found it enormously difficult, but very useful long term. Make sure that you communicate as fully and openly with your T as possible about how you are managing the process - that way you will together be able to pace and titrate the therapy to maximum effect and to lessen the risk of retraumatisation.

Good luck, and do let us know how you progress if you feel like it.

Maddog

 

[Seasounds]

Experimenting with different things is the only way to know what works. It is great that you have a therapist that you can lean on!

Me, I'm a tortoise. I've found that talking in either present or past tense can be problematic-depending on the topic. Whatever the case, if I start to get frozen, or disassociate, or get stuck in the past, I realize I've had enough, for the time being, and switch to a safe topic before my symptoms get too severe. Moving slowly, was best for me.

 

[tatertot]

Wow, thank you for such thoughtful replies. I really appreciate this. It helps to hear from those (and anyone else too!) that have gone through this process.

I've done the talk therapy routine for years and have always known that I need to release the stories from my past but no T has pushed me to get there. We've danced around it so many times and of course I get scared and I back off and the T obliges. I guess what I've learned and have witnessed with this PE T that she pushes and pushes but does it in a way to let me know that I'm still in control but will still gingerly push if that makes sense. I need someone to keep asking me questions because I will answer but I'm not someone that will just come forth with the story.

So after you have done PE.........what part of you grew? How did you feel different? Better? What changed?

Joan, thank you.........my T was saying this too.....that I should be proud. I don't feel that way yet but I imagine I will get there.

Maddog, yeah, you know I talked with my T later on this week and we talked about the CD and what I was experiencing listening to it adn she told me that I no longer needed to listen to it. I guess it was more with the fact that in the CD, she stopped it before my anxiety/panic was on it's way down so it was not going to be helpful to me. T knwos that I have self injury tendencies and I've had to commit not to doing that but I told her that the urges were so strong that night that I had the session that I was doing it. I just had to do something to release.......it didn't help that after the session, I was home and someone was knocking on my door trying to sell something and I was just way WAY to anxious and wasn't able to come down even 70% after that.

Change, I hope I can get to a place like you where I can identify that too much is happening and it's now time to move to a new safe topic. Did you find before that you were too stuck in the past and in the memory and that it was impossible to do that kind of change? Because that's where I was. T was trying to get me out but I was so in the memory deep that I couldn't hear her. We are going to work on new ways of keeping me "one foot in the door and one foot out the door" per say when I see her next.

 

[maddog]

I'm really sorry you had such a rough time after the session, and am glad you were able to be honest with her about the self harming aftermath. Also very, very glad that she advised you to stop listening to the CD if it was stopped before your anxiety was lowered. This is an absolutely critical part of prolonged exposure and the process could be very damaging and dangerous if not followed through to its full conclusion of having your arousal/SUDS levels lowered again.

Hopefully this session has helped you both to identify a robust and safe process, with some modifications, for next time round.

Maddog

 

[ronin47]

You should've put this in the "Accomplishments" forum. Really you ought to be so proud of yourself. You made it through the first time and are going to go back and do it again. Not everyone can do what you have just done. You did some very admirable self care when you called your T to follow up on the session. Keep it up and your progress will be amazing.