Yes Ironbird...... trust. I should have looked around to see what else you have posted here; to get your background; but I didn't, so I'll wing it. Please excuse me if I'm misunderstanding anything about you or your girlfriend.
Welcome to the forum, by the way.
For me, it is very difficult to fully trust anyone. One little perceived judgment, and trust is not an option. Example; I was involved in sexual slavery, and my carer asked "Why didn't you just leave"? BAM; there it is..... judgment, blame, accountability, and proof that he doesn't understand abuse, fear, and PTSD. Although I have forced myself on some occassions, and couldn't help myself on others, I have revealed all of my traumas to him. But I still don't trust him. It has taken years to be able to give the details and emotions concerning those traumas. If only he had waited to ask questions, I might have been able to find trust. It is perfectly normal for someone to ask questions about something they are not familiar with, or about something that is lacking details........ but the carer of a person with PTSD (as well as many other emotional disorders) has to be very careful how they word those questions, and in fact, I would personally recommend preempting those questions with words of reassurance and support first.
My advice to you, since the relationship is new, would be to let her call the shots concerning emotional issues. If she wants to talk, she will; but if it's going to be too hard for her to do that..... you asking her will make things worse. I guess I should ask which one of you has PTSD; I'm assuming it's her, but I may be wrong about that. I'm sorry if that's the case.
Her reluctance to open up sounds like many of us here. We are so afraid of blame and judgment because of our own guilt and shame that we tend to 'front' and be vague about our personal lives when we aren't close to someone. So much effort is put forth on our part in revealing ourselves (it really is exhausting to tell stories or to talk about what we feel) that the risk of being rejected or hurt is far too much to bear. The pain we feel already is enough, let alone letting down our guard and feeling more pain. PTSD sufferers tend to predict failure and have great trouble believing that someone can love us. Feeling unloveable is very common here, so even when someone is trying very hard to show that love.... it can backfire if it's done too aggressively.
I'm going to take a peek, and see what else you've posted now. Glad to have you here, and I hope we can help,
~Meli
