General My heart is breaking

[NaeNae75]

I am at a complete loss right now. So, we're in the middle of one of his avoidance periods, and today the bottom feels like it is falling out.

We've been together 8 years on this roller coaster, and his son is basically my son. His "mother" didn't raise him, I did... I'm his mom.

Things have been progressing little by little for us, but today his son was admitted to the hospital with suspected appendicitis. I got there after my woman's group when I found out.
I stayed with his son so that he could get some things from home. Once he got back and his son finally got his room 3 AM this morning, he made me leave. Because he might "need me tomorrow".

I just wasn't to scream! He tells the hospital basically I'm family, but hold me at an arms distance because he is still confused.

Now is not the time to push me away and isolate that little boy. He basically begged his dad to let me stay.

My heart is broken... all I want to do is comfort the little guy. He was sobbing when I first got there. I had him cheered up and better within minutes. His dad is so stressed (rightly so) he just paced like crazy and kept going outside to smoke. I guarantee he hadn't left at all until I got there.

I'm the one that was there comforting him. I don't know what to do or say. How do I get him to see that this is hurting his son, not me! In times like this I want to pull Cheer in MoonStruck... and whack him one and say" snap out of it"

I don't know if I can handle it!

 

[The Albatross]

It hurt your feelings and thwarted your efforts to calm the child only to have your partner put his needs above the child's or???

Personally I would have left bedside to go to a lobby with him, or outside and "had the conversation". Are you visiting him today?

 

[Buttercup]

It's always hard to tell the exact situation and feelings involved when not directly witnessing, and even then we all come away with our own version of the scenario. But based on what you wrote, my impression is that he is not pushing you away, but actually thinking it best that you go and get some rest because he will need you more today.

And also he was very stressed as you say. But as a mother, you don't want to leave and no, I don't think he should have made you leave.

I understand you're at your wits end probably and very worried, but maybe there's another perspective to be had.

I hope the little guy gets well soon.

 

[Snowflakes]

@NaeNae75 I don’t know what to say at the moment other than I am sorry you are hurting. Gentle hug for you.

 

[NaeNae75]

Thanks, guys. What bothers me is that when I got there, he (the little guy) was sobbing, but calmed down once I got there and comforted him and was "playing" with him. His dad is on super high alert. He was pacing and went outside to smoke several times and was short with him a few times. He's normally very nurturing to him.

He told his dad he doesn't want his biological mother to come because I'm his mom and he misses me. She knows and so far just wants to be updated.

I hate that the s/o isn't himself right now... and this is obviously way more stress. He told me I can come back up anytime now... So we'll see how long he'll let me stay.

It sounds like they are somewhat sure he's going to need surgery today... those of you that pray, your prayers are very welcome right now.

Man I'm tired...

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @NaeNae75 , I am so sorry for your fear, pain and stress. :( :cry: Totally agree 100% with @Buttercup , you are both going through the same because of your mutual love for the little guy. Unfortunately, even without ptsd this is a very 'normal' response to the fear of him being in danger, mutual and common suffering makes for bumpy roads and often 'blow-outs' between people. Let alone with you both having ptsd, many more complicated connections there to fear, loss, death, powerlessness. It's very evident that for both of you the little guy is Your World.

Man I'm tired...

I think that's why he told you to go home. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

Much love and many prayers from me for all 3 of you. :notworthy::hug::hug::hug: Xox

 

[Sighs]

Nothing worse than your baby suffering. I can't imagine how painful it is to then be told "go away - he's not your baby anyway".

Thoughts are with you. I'm sure the hospital will take good care of him.
:hug:

 

[NaeNae75]

So, I went back. The only time I wasn't there was when the "biological mom" showed up for 20 minutes. He told his dad again that he doesn't want his "mom" there, and doesn't want me to leave. He kept telling his dad how much he misses all of us. We miss him too.

So he was released this morning. His blood work showed that his WBC count is back to a normal range, and they said if was appendicitis that wouldn't happen. They told him he just had a really bad viral infection. Well....now dad is sick and hibernating back in the bachelor pad. We have talked on and off all day.

While I was at my T, my daughter texted me, "I think we might be screwed"....she sent me into a total panic. I couldn't figure out what she meant, so I texted her back. She told me the baby had a bout of diarrhea, and she felt a little icky. So I stopped at Walgreens and loaded up on Pedialyte, probiotics, anti-nausea, immodium, ginger ale, gatorade, etc. Oh dear Lord, please don't let the baby get too sick! She had her flu shot a couple of weeks ago, so I'm really hoping for the best. I don't know if I have the emotional stability to keep holding it together.

I told the S/O that if he needed anything to let me know because I was at the store, and could take care of it on my way home. I told him that I don't know what kind of shape any of us will be in tomorrow living on no sleep. He told me he stocked up on the way back from the hospital.

I hate that we obviously all need each other, and love each other, and are being there for each other, but for whatever reason, he doesn't get it. I don't know if this is making it better or worse, or both. But I'm doing everything I can, and he won't get it until he does.

 

[mumstheword]

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time. ((((Hugs)))). Hopefully he comes round. It sounds like he's really stressed and maybe confused and conflicted? Maybe relying on you for so much is bringing up feelings of vulnerability? Which, as you most likely know, can be extra confronting and scary when you suffer from PTSD.

It sounds like you are handling things as best as you possible can, though. I hope things settle down for you soon, and the rest of the fam don't get too ill.

 

[ms spock]

@NaeNae75 I have been in your situation, and it is a tough one. Thinking of you tonight.

 

[NaeNae75]

Thanks guys... now EVERYONE is sick. My daughter keeps putting the baby of on me so she can get some rest. I'm going to lose my mind. But if I tell her no... she's just gong to end up getting short tempered with the sick baby.
I haven't really slept in 3 nights now from it all. I'm exhausted. If I get any worse, I'm worried I'll have to call an ambulance. Ever since my brain surgery, I often pass out when I vomit. So no driving.

For now, we're managing. Or, at least I am. The other two adults are behaving worse than the children. Oh and it's my son's birthday, so I'm sad for him that everyone else is sick

 

[Buttercup]

Yep, you need some care for you. I hope you get sleep soon. I am glad your son is out of the hospital, though. That's a load off at least.