My Husband Feels Like A Doormat He Told Me He Feels Like He's My Sugar Daddy Because I Don't Want To

[Long lost angel]

If you find you have a good rapport with this new therapist, then therapy should help, but your hu...

I understand why medication is off the table, there's a history of drug addiction in her family....

Can you point me in the right direction?

 

[The Albatross]

I can try. On the home main page there is an archive of articles, some of which are really helpful. Start a members diary (if you don't want it open to non members of the forum) and start journaling. Some members with experiences or encouragement can respond to you there. Personally I started my diary and would challenge myself to write for 20 minutes. Continue to pursue therapeutic assistance and consider asking for some joint counseling (with your spouse) if it's available.... as you become a member here, you'll likely find a base of peer support. That's just for starters. There are many posts about things like stress reduction, relaxation techniques and coping skills or questions.

Honestly it's very hard to say, as there are a lot of areas of stress/anxiety/disturbance. What do you think may be the most beneficial thing for you to learn about?

 

[Long lost angel]

I can try. On the home main page there is an archive of articles, some of which are really helpfu...

Well, I've been remembering more and more details lately. Things that I had completely pushed out for years. Then I started to pry into it more. Searched for people from my past that might be able help me find answers. Now I'm having trouble in a whole new way. The things that I've learned, and are triggering more memories that are extraordinarily difficult to deal with. I'm having this deceptive feeling, because I'm so alone on this journey. But I'm too scared to start talking to my husband about it, so I feel like a liar or a cheat. I KNOW he would feel disgusts or disappointed that we didn't discuss things and I didn't even let him know that I am suffering this way.
I can't handle confrontation so now I feel like I've overlooked the opportunity to involve him properly. The more I think about things the more scared I become, and then I feel less likely to do anything at all. I can see myself shutting down, I'm becoming more withdrawn. I'm pretending my heart away.
Do you know that nervous feeling when you're waiting to get into the worst trouble of your life? Down in the mouth, traveling down with a shaking, thru my chest to my stomach, into my bowls. Settling in the depths of My very being. It reached my cells and is now infecting my brain.
I don't know what I need. I don't know what I could learn that would help me to find my voice where it should matter most, with my husband. I need physical peace, the nervousness is preventing that.
Thank you for listening and the guidance and advice. It is not in vain

 

[The Albatross]

What you are remembering is past, though it doesn't feel that way... your present circumstances are the reason you came here... your relational issues. Sounds like you need to learn some anxiety and relaxation techniques.

You're faith based? (you made a reference to praying...) What faith or denomination?

 

[Long lost angel]

What you are remembering is past, though it doesn't feel that way... your present circumstances ar...

Nondenominational. No man tells me how to believe or what. I am faithful, that is all. I believe in the Triune God, Abba Father. And that he resides inside me.
I definitely need to learn some anxiety and relaxation techniques you are right.

 

[Alistair]

So, my husband told me that he feels like a sugar daddy sometimes because I never want to have...

I have been doing emdr on you yube. I find it washes away the immediate panic and other rising feeling that can stop me from being functional.

I am waiting for emdr with a therapist but it's been a month or so to get an appointment and I find the videos only temporary.

 

[marjorie murphy]

I feel exactly like you do. I can't even string those words together like you just did. Thanks. I feel all alone.

So, my husband told me that he feels like a sugar daddy sometimes because I never want to have...

 

[Long lost angel]

I have been doing emdr on you yube. I find it washes away the immediate panic and other rising feeling...

I'm looking into it. Thanks.
Well I tried but couldn't seem to focus for very long, maybe 2 minutes then spaced out for about 3. So I stopped. Maybe I'll try again later when my four kids are sleeping

 

[Long lost angel]

I feel exactly like you do. I can't even string those words together like you just did. Thanks....

Marjorie, I'm so sorry you feel like that. Of course I can relate. I don't know what I could ever say to you that would be able help.
Misery loves company...So know that you are alone in this...But by my side in kindred.
I will always be here to chat. It's not like I'm chatting yet at home.
I hope you find a way to address these issues and gain some peace, your voice, something that may help.
Please don't forget to enlighten me if you do find something I need help too.
Regards, your sister in the saddest battle, Angel

 

[void]

Dear @Long lost angel ,

You are in a crisis.
Think of this as being in a storm....churning, chaotic, out-of-control, blustery, fear, when-will-it-end, rain, wind,......help!

The storm will end.
You will get through this.
We believe in you:hug: and we've been there.
It is VERY hard.

Your thoughts are fast, much fear, much guilt, rapid, frantic at times..........it sucks!:(.....we know it well.

You can slow this down.
Say " STOP!"......firmly in your mind.
Then breathe in slowly.......and say "In." in your mind.
Then breathe out slowly......and say "Out" " " " .

That is one technique which may help a little.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The problems that you have run deep and they are complex.
To address them you will need a calm systematic approach.
Right now you are in a desperate reactive mode of being.....not your fault...this is what having PTSD and being in a crisis feels like.

My T. taught me that in this state the focus must be STABILIZATION not therapy per se.
Your T. will be able to guide the stabilization process.

Nutrition.
Sleep.
Deep breathing.
Mild exercise.
Self-soothing.
etc....

Then when you are stable....therapy can begin.

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You are very brave.
Your husband is lucky to have you.
I feel compassion toward you for how you have and are still suffering.
May you be free from inner and outer harm.:hug:

 

[Long lost angel]

Dear @Long lost angel ,

You are in a crisis.
Think of this as being in a storm....chur...

So a crisis you say? @void, that is the word to best describe the feeling of it all. Thank you so much for the kind words and advice. I will make an attempt to remember to reconnect with those words of advice, if I can even see through my thick fog of stubbornness whilst in the heat of the moment. Very good suggestions. Nutrition, sleep, deep breathing, mild exercise they all seem to be the things that I am failing to do on a daily. Somehow I have every excuse in the book for each of them.
Maybe these other reasons I'm failing to reconnect with my therapist. Is it because I feel like I'm in need of something else first. Stabilization... you may be onto something my friend. I do find it nice to have this bubble to refer to. Again thank you.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

Hi Angel, I like to use guided meditation to help relax. Self compassion dot org has some great ones, "soften, soothe, allow" is my favorite for the really tough times. I hope this can help you. Take good care of yourself.