Supporter My Husband Is A Vietnam Vet With Ptsd

[You can get through it]

Hi Fender

I doubt your husband at 53 would be suffering from any form of dementia, although it can affect people as early as 60. Any strongly independent person can have very personal views on how they would wish to end their life under certain circumstances, except with a PTSD suffer those feelings can be even stronger because death can sound a better proposition when you have come from the jaws of hell and you are being plagued by flashbacks and dreams of horrific events made from within your own mind. It does not sound as if he is being totally selfish with you because he is concerned about your welfare which is a very good sign. Try to give him some space and let him know you will be there for him, but tell him you need him to have a check up for your piece of mind. Whatever you do don’t turn these events into something you blame yourself for, as you can only guide a person and not fix the whole problem yourself; he needs to tackle his issues himself with you and some outside help if you can get him to take it.

All the best,

Steve

 

[Fender]

Thank you. I appreciate the advice and support. My family and friends are trying to be supportive, but they don't have a real grasp on what's happening because they don't truly understand the nature of PTSD and depression. It helps to hear from someone who knows.

 

[You can get through it]

Hi Fender

Your husband is srong or he would not have made past the New York gangs and Vietnam. Our past can sometimes catch up with us, however he has an asset he did not have back then, that asset being you.

Together you will work it out,

Steve

 

[Eleanor]

I have suggested that he should see a doctor and have a full health check-up because there very well could be other issues at work.

He's shocked that he's still here at 53. He never expected to be happy or live a normal life with a wife and kids who loved him.

He's also always told me that he will not die a long, slow, painful death. If he develops a debilitating disease, he will end his own life rather than be helpless or be a burden to someone. Am I right in thinking that these feelings and ideas are fairly common among combat PTSD sufferers?

Hi Fender, Welcome to the forum!

Don't know about PTSD sufferers in particular - but this is pretty common for the kind of guy who goes into special ops! I think the "won't see a doctor" thing may come with the Y chromosome (three best friends, all with guys in 50s with health problems, all guys resist seeing doctors, two of three "forget" the symptoms when they see the doctor after months of cajoling... sheesh) that part is "perfectly normal." Grrr.

On a more somber note - it is hard to wrap one's head around unexpected survival. Never having expected it, there may well be consequences of his continuing presence that he hasn't fully taken into account - specifically his well-being's effect on you and his girls. If you can communicate That to him in a non-demanding, non-accusing way (there is a technique called non-violent communication that is very helpful on this front - you can search for it) it might help him think about a different ending too... Stories are powerful things.

Wishing you all a happy future that does justice to your love for each other.

 

[Fender]

So many good thoughts to ponder. My husband and I communicate almost daily, but right now its just logistics and checking in. I want to give him the space he needs for a while longer. There will come a time when he'll be ready to open up to me again. I hope.
Thank you all. Your good thoughts and support are invaluable.