My Husband Was Diagnosed With Ptsd...are These Normal Symptoms Or Is It Something Else?

[armywife05]

My husband got home from Afghanistan in Dec. He was fine for a few months (i guess the honeymoon phase of him being him after not seeing each other for a year and just happy to be home). Well as the months go on he gets worse and worse. We have 2 kids together and another one on the way due in Nov. My husband has become so lazy since coming home from afghanistan. He almost seems like he cant deal with the kids (which i know theyre hard to deal with because i have them constantly). He doesnt help around the house at all, i mow the grass, take the trash out, do everything around the house plus do everything for the kids while being almost 8 months pregnant and needless to say i am exhausted. We argue a lot because of how lazy he is. All he does is sleep. He did get diagnosed with PTSD/severe depression/anxiety. The thing is, he doesnt have flash back or bad dreams. He is irritable constantly, he has a hard time controlling his anger (he isnt physically abusive). He comes home and is either on his phone in our back bedroom or he is drawing or sleeping. He always avoids us and it is really annoying.Which causes us to fight more. Well this whole week he has been avoiding the house. He works and then gets off and says he is going to tattoo someone after work (he just started tattooing on the side because this is what he wants to do after the army). Well the other day he had to go to work for 24 hours (staff duty) and before he left he freaked out and started saying mean things to me and bringing up old problems in our marriage that i thought were resolved. I mean he literally brought this up out of nowhere. Then he left. I called him after he left crying because i did not understand why he is lashing out on me for no reason then he started saying he doesnt know who he is anymore, he feels like he is going crazy and doesnt even feel like himself anymore and he was going to tell his first sgt to admit him to a mental ward because he needs to be admitted and he needs help. Well he went to work and got off yesterday at 5:30pm and i left him a lone because he said he needed to be a lone, so i left him a lone. It turns 11pm and i call him to see where he is and he gets annoyed that im calling him and he says he is tattooing someone and i asked if he was gonna come home, he said yes....but he never did and now he isnt even answering my calls.

Is this much avoidance normal? Im stuck between thinking he's cheating or his PTSD is a lot worse than i thought. I have been trying to read as much as i can about ptsd but it seems like there can be so many different symptoms so i dont know what to think.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

he feels like he is going crazy and doesnt even feel like himself anymore and he was going to tell his first sgt to admit him to a mental ward because he needs to be admitted and he needs help

i asked if he was gonna come home, he said yes....but he never did and now he isnt even answering my calls.

AW - Welcome on board. If you do a search on this site for "combat ptsd", there's a crop of us who have similar situations to you, so you can read our stories and know it's not all in your head. I highly doubt it's cheating, it all sounds more classic case to me - not that it makes it any easier I know :confused: If you've been doing your research, you know anger tends to be one of the worst things they have to deal with since they've been hyped up on anger 24/7/365. There are no clear cut triggers unfortunately. Also do some reading on this sister combat.ptsdforum.org. You'll see a lot of first hand posts by soldiers who came home and can express themselves and what they are a feeling/thinking. It's a great resource.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Dear Armywife05,

What you are describing fits severe PTSD and depression. The irritability was one of my main symptoms that showed up whenever I was stressed. My response to that was to withdraw completely. The withdrawal can go on for days, weeks, and even months. For me it is easy, as the only person I have to take care of is myself. Taking care of my service dog is not a stressor at all for some reason.

Is your husband receiving help (e.g. therapy, medication, regular check-ups on how he is doing)? The fact that your husband brought up the hospital, makes me think that he is dealing with significant symptoms which he has not shared with you. Struggling to deal with daily tasks (e.g. his children, home tasks, being a supportive spouse) can easily lead to a sense of failure. This sense of failure can quickly turn to suicidal ideation. As Anthony so eloquently described on the main page introduction PTSD is a serious disease which can be fatal. I do not mean to bring this up to scare you. I just want you to realize that there are probably lots of things going on in your husband other than simple laziness. Those are the things for which your husband should be receiving treatment, sooner rather than later.

However, do not misunderstand me. I can fully relate to your situation as well. You have been dealing with two kids and one on the way while your husband was deployed. You finally have him back and you are still stuck with all the house work, work with the children, not to mention being 8 months pregnant. You need and fully deserve some relief. Would you qualify for some home service through your local center for independent living or the local NAMI chapter or through the county services? I think it would be worth checking out to see what you could receive. Your husband may be back physically, but if he is unable to actually help you with daily tasks, I would say that you should qualify for some support, especially when the baby arrives.

Best of luck!

 

[wife of]

yep all classic signs,I lived with all of the above being misdiagnosed as "just depression" for 14 yrs before my hunny developed some of the more severe symptoms.

 

[ronin47]

Avoidance is one I still struggle with. When you feel the way your husband is probably feeling you just want to shut the world out. You want to lock yourself away from anything and everything that could be even mildly stressful. It is a vicious circle because by trying to totally ignore problems and stresses you just make them worse which compels you to isolate even further. It is good you husband acknowledged that he needs help. The next step is for you two to work together as much as you can to help him find the professional help, care, and support that he needs. You must recognize that you as a non-professional can only do so much to rectify this situation. Your husband can't control his PTSD on his own, but he does have a responsibility to seek and apply himself to the necessary help for managing it.

 

[armywife05]

Thank you for the replies. Things are spiraling even more out of control. He has now said he does not want to be married. He has pretty much alienated himself from me and my son (his stepson). We do argue a lot and always have. We have always had a rocky marriage because we got married quick and we have had financial issues then issues with my family, then his family, then he deployed. We have never tried to fix the problems, we just sweep the problem under the rug for a few weeks then fight about it again a few weeks later. I have begged him to try counseling so we can save our marriage but he said it is not going to work. He even took my wedding rings and said he was going to pawn them. His emotions seem very erratic. He tells me he doesnt want to be with me, but then if i go out without our kids i come home to "where were you? Cheater!" stuff like that. Then he said he'd try counseling one time and if it didnt work then we would end things for good. Then he flipped back to saying its not gonna work. So i am seriously so confused because he is so hot and cold. Then he said he keeps saying he will work things out because i keep trying to make him feel bad by crying. I normally am not a crier but i get the grunt of all the mood swings, being pushed away, etc. I dont know if it is the ptsd or what. It is very hard to even know what to do because his emotions seem very erratic. So im not really sure what to do. He has also said he knows he needs help but they keep canceling his appointments on base. Then he said he didnt wanna talk because he hates counselors because he never knows what to say to them. He also said they're civilians and dont know what he has been through. He has also blamed me for him not getting help. He said he has to work then come home and he hear me complain constantly then eat then go to bed. Im not trying to play mrs. innocent at all, i do complain to him a lot because i am exhausted and over whelmed with the kids and the house work and drunk baby sitting him.

Anyone have any advice on what i should do? I really dont know how to handle this.

 

[wife of]

What country are you in hunny? It may help someone to advise you on the specifics of getting treatment in your locale.

 

[Jacquie]

Armywife you have 2 almost identical threads on this. [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-this-please-help.19794/[/DLMURL]

And this one is from 2 months ago saying he wont get help and you are ready for a divorce and leaving. [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/husband-has-ptsd-and-wont-get-help.17902/[/DLMURL]

Sweetie I think you need to talk to someone, and talk all this through. Thats 2 months now.

 

[armywife05]

Thank you. Things are worse now than they were 2 months ago. Things go in a circle. He's ok, then hes distant, then he's erratic, then hes mean, then hes ok again and so on and so on. I am going to a counselor saturday (although i may try to bump up my appointment to tomorrow or this evening. Im also trying to decide whats best to stay since my oldest just started school and since im about to have another baby or if i should just leave and move back in with my mom until i can get on my feet again and have the baby up there. Im sorta running out of time because i have about 8-10 weeks until i have the baby and i know by 35 weeks (which is in 4 weeks for me) i can not travel a long distance due to being so far a long and could possibly go in to labor. So im trying to make this drastic choice for not on my life but my kids as well. Im also on the fence about bouncing my kids around because we have moved so much due to the army. :(

 

[wife of]

Sounds to me like you are utterly confused and split by the "loyalty" issue.
You have to put the safety of you and the children first if you ever want a shot at making this work.
The stress feeding back to your unborn must be enormous.
Maybe some time out temporarily at moms would be good all round.It might give him the headspace to seek some help and it would take you out of the day today stress.
If you decide to go then be careful not to burn any bridges,reinforce the fact that you are not leaving him or the marriage but that you simply need some space to breathe and to get some support for you and the children that he obviously can not provide right now.
He needs some space to concentrate on working out how to fix himself and he will be more inclined to do that knowing he has your support and understanding but at the same time you need to have your practical and emotional needs supported by someone.
Keep the lines of communication open on your side.
Sounds like he is in major distress,he's prob scared he will have a complete snap from reality,something that is going to terrify any man who is at a point in life where society expects him to "be the man" for a momentous family event.

 

[armywife05]

wife of - Thank you for the advice. I am trying not to burn any bridges but he is the one saying he doesnt want to be with me. He said he tried to pawn my rings yesterday but the gold was "dull" and they only offered him 100 for it. Which really killed me that he'd try to get rid of my rings that fast. Now he is doing it again today saying hes going to pawn them. Not really sure if i should just let him do it or not. I know if he does its going to completely push me out of his life. Thats the last step. He packed his bag this morning so i guess he is not coming home tonight. Which is fine because honestly the house is a lot less stressful when he is not here. He wants a divorce but i am afraid if i leave he will push me away for good and things will never get worked out. I also feel responsible for him. He abuses his sleeping pills and drinks a lot. I caught him a few weeks ago trying to take 3 (he is only suppose to take one). He gets so messed up on them he cant even see straight. So i am also scared to leave because if i leave who is going to "drunk baby sit him". I told his brother every thing last night because my husband wants to divorce i obviously cant keep staying down here when he wants me gone, i cant force him to want to be with me. But i feel like his family needs to know how he is acting and all the drinking, etc so atleast when i am gone, someone can keep up with him. He needs help. He admits he does. His brother said its just like him to know he needs to help but not get it. Thats just how he is. So i am really afraid of the future for him. But since he wants to divorce and wants me to leave the only thing i can really do is just that, leave. I guess its not really my place anymore to be trying to look out for him.

 

[wife of]

To be honest,I think he is playing mind games,wether it be subconcious or consiously to test you and see if you are going to stand by him or not while he figures out if he can put his trust in you.
For service guys trust is the be all and end all,if the guy next to you aint upto the score then you get killed....
It sounds as though his thinking is messed up in the extreme and you need to try and not take it personally,he sounds realy sick......
The other question you need to ask yourself is this..." If he had a lump that you thought was cancerous and was ignoring it,what would you do??"
I'm betting you would tell all to his family/doctor/friends and enlist thier help in getting him the medical help he needs.....