My Mom Passed This Morning

[Sideways]

What would it take for you to feel better? Real question.

Because I'm thinking that the answer will have nothing to do with your mum and her estate getting carved up. In a way, part of me thinks that if your sister in law is greedy, let her have what remains of your mother. You learned to not let her be part of your life while she was alive, while she was dying. So why now? If your brother ends up sending you a cheque from what remains, great. If not, let her and her legacy disappear on the wind like her ashes. This is you, carving out your own life without her, so let them send you cheques in the mail, or not, and let them have the headache of dealing with her estate.

As for your job, that's gonna be tough until you get some certainty and security. Your T will be back before you get any movement on that front. So right now, what can you do to refocus, and be kind to yourself? You've got a bright noggin, so what would your T tell you?

You can get through this. If you need to vent - go for it! We don't mind. We all need to do that at times. Whatever it is you need to improve this moment, this day, this week, make it your mission. The witch is dead, look at how well you can look after yourself without any trace of her left on planet earth.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is it actually hating to sound whiny, or are you worried that people will react to what you post in a way that you will interpret as critical because they think you sound whiny, and you won't be able to handle the feedback?

I have a big thing around doing something wrong, making a mistake, upsetting people etc (yes, i know, cant get through life without doing all of that but i struggle with it) so its about upsetting people because i sound whiny (if that makes sense). Though this is a forum and people dont have to reply, i mind read thats what X number of people that read my thread but didnt reply think.

Its a big mind f*ck. But its not about feedback as that I can handle most times. And if i cant (in a bad head space or whatever) then i usually dont post. I always love lots of feedback as the more i get the easier it is to fight with my brain. I have more to stand on or fight with. Like each reply is another sword in the battle or something.

What would it take for you to feel better? Real question.

Because I'm thinking that the answer will have nothing to do with your mum and her estate getting carved up.

Its not about her estate at all as thats just money. A lot of it is about my mom dying. Wish it were as easy as the witch is dead but it just isnt.

But her dying has been numbed away for some time now but numb doesnt mean not there.

Ive been looking for ways, even small ways, i can do something, something i have control over, to move foward or to better my life and situation but i cant find even a small something to change.

What will make me feel better? I honestly dont know (other reason I didnt start threads as i have no clue what i am even asking). If you take the job and money away you still have my father that's about to abanndon me again and my mom's death which is a big something.

My dad is very easily enfluenced. Simple minded. My sister (right in line with all of the family mambers) gossips about me non-stop speaking untruth and opinions that are of hate. My dad comes home and he acts differently towards me for a while. Very dosrespectful and hateful. Thinking he knows all about mental health as my sister is a counselor in training. He is like a kid that comes home from their other parent's house and acts up for a while. Its just like that.

Therefore, since that happens in a few days, what will happen when he is living there?

He is the only family member that will speak to me and he already fractured our relationship. This will flush it down the toilet.

My mom; theres very VERY intense red hot emotions there, younger memories thats flashing, a mix emotions, thoughts, the cult stuff coming back. Her passing away, alone caused a ton of havic in my life, pile the remainder in my life and its too much.

Other than thinking patterns, DBT, stuff like that, I dont know what else i can control that i can work on to move in a positive direction. If you or anyone can see something from my posts let me know as im rather blinded being in the middle of it. Though im sleeping most of the time im not at work so not sure how much "working on stuff" i can do but i still wanna try.

On top of all of that im getting sick!

Not sure if i answered any of that. But no, it has nothing to do with money.

 

[sun seeker]

i mind read thats what X number of people that read my thread but didnt reply think.

Well, what this person is thinking is I'd really like to continue this conversation about the different ways people think, but my sleeping pills are kicking in and I wasn't able to take in everything in your last post, so can I take a rain check on that? ;):sleep:

 

[Sideways]

Sleeping a lot could be a good thing. Sometimes that's initially how our body deals with overload. Sometimes our mind just needs more time out. And if you're getting sick on top of that? Rest, self-soothe if you can let yourself, but take it easy.

What would you do for a best friend going through a rough patch and getting sick? Maybe wash the bed sheets so they're nice and fresh, stock up on soups, put on a movie and snuggle with your dog on the couch. That counts as 'working on it'. Allowing ourself to take care of #1, it's something we didn't ever do before. But small, simple things like that to just help the mind to get some down time can make a big difference.

I find the "what would I do for a best friend?" helpful. It's easier for me to think of ways to be gentle with myself if I'm thinking about how I'd help out someone else rather than myself. And a lot of the time, it's not big mountain-moving stuff. You don't have to be fighting tooth and nail to be moving forward all the time. A lot of big stuff has happened, so maybe give your mind a break from trying to process everything and just let yourself sleep?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I find the "what would I do for a best friend?" helpful. It's easier for me to think of ways to be gentle with myself if I'm thinking about how I'd help out someone else rather than myself.

Yeah, thats something my therapist says a lot. What would you tell me..or another person...or another child, etc.

Id say rest. That if your body is shutting down that bad that it needs to rest. Its hard as she died 7/28 and its now 10/11. I keep thinking how long do i get to rest but i dont have much of a choice. After the last stuff my body wont move.

Thanks for the friend thing. That helps!

 

[Sideways]

I keep thinking how long do i get to rest

For as long as it takes.

At some point, you won't need to sleep so much. Till then, rest up, and try not to beat yourself up about it. Even with a "normal" mum, there's no timeframe for how long this stuff takes. So with all the added complexity of your situation, if you're not done resting yet, then keep at it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @Ragdoll Circus! I guess im just impatient as I feel like I should be done laying around and moving foward but my body wont cooperate. Frustrated with myself as I feel like its been over 2 months and so i feel like now im just being lazy or something but i will say my body has shut itself down. So dont have much of a choice.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that rest and taking care of nurturing yourself is not lazy or bad. You have had so much happen to you in such a short time, and of course you are exhausted.

I have been in a lot of stress as well and get tired very easily so rest up. Eat good and cuddle your dog and sleep if that is what you need.:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

cuddle your dog and sleep if that is what you need.:hug:

I wish I could cuddle with my dog all day as he is an amazing cuddler that wants to be in your lap, his entire 80 lbs lol. But i have to work or else I would.

My dad & step mom fight all day over the smallest most peddy shit so my anxiety is generally high when I am home. Blah! I try real hard to tune them out and get lost here and turn up the tv or something.

Both of them are very frustrating people, so I get where each are coming from. I tend to get smaller when they yell at each other but buck up and fight back if either yell at me. I suppose the good thing about them leaving in Jan is not having constant fight, yelling, and bitching about the other. With the real bad is a slight good i suppose.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I suppose the good thing about them leaving in Jan is not having constant fight, yelling, and bitching about the other. With the real bad is a slight good i suppose.

I am glad that you found some good in their drama ongoing, hold onto all the good you are able to.

 

[Recovery4Me]

ive been very suicidal for days now and it will now be 3 weeks before I see my therapist.

Do you have a contract in place with your T concerning suicide that allows for emergency contact through the e-mail, phone for a quick visit or a review of grounding techniques?

Now after some years in therapy- I still have suicide ideation but rarely. However I offer to you a mantra that I cling to during those times, "No one is worth- my spiraled out decision of taking my life. " I have been manipulated enough...even if it is from my own head- I will not punish myself for their sins.

Peace be with you :hug::hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you have a contract in place with your T concerning suicide that allows for emergency contact through the e-mail, phone for a quick visit or a review of grounding techniques?

I have a suicide contract with him but it doesnt have his contact info as he doesnt give that to patients. I wish. It does have distraction techinques, self soothing techiques, grounding techquies, affermations...things like that. Im using them the best i can but most arent seeming to work at the moment but im still breathing and havent cut so something is helping. I can credit this site for some of it.