My Mom Passed This Morning

[Recovery4Me]

(((hugs))) Please allow some credit for yourself for choosing otherwise. <<< This is extremely important for moving forward.



Do you have numbers or sites for talking yourself down if necessary? I am placing it as a reference for anyone in need:

Home or written out but not linked Link Removed (add .org) with a real person educated in the matter (or a survivor) to talk to

1-800-273-8255


((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Recovery4Me]

I know that it may seem jarring to place such info within your thread and I do apologize if it comes off non-caring. But I do because I want you around. You went through a lot and are very courageous. I have lost too many people to treat your mention lightly.

May you find peace as your journey forward and comfort in safety. (((hugs))

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I know that it may seem jarring to place such info within your thread and I do apologize if it comes off non-caring.

You? Non-caring? Never!

I cant talk when im on the edge suicidal ao I have a suicide hotline chat and text that JL gave me so if im that far on the edge I have those. And if that doesnt work, sitting in the ER parkinglot is something JL also advised me to do. Im already there, you know. Its not safe for my to drive like that but its just across the street.

I dont see that as uncaring as if you didnt care you wouldnt bother to post! :hug:

 

[Recovery4Me]

Xx Thanks... Just so you know in some states they will not retrieve you from the car or from the outside the hospital building for insurance purposes. So you would need to get inside. Cold world that we are living in at times, yes?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Just so you know in some states they will not retrieve you from the car or from the outside the hospital building for insurance purposes.

No, i know. I mean that its a mind game with myself. Im already there, why not go in. You know?

 

[Recovery4Me]

Understood but wanted to make sure that you were clear. (((hugs)))

I think one of my favorite mind games is that of allowing my anger and proclaiming I WILL get even by enjoying my life to the fullest.:p I say it with raised fist and shout in the air ...

 

[Lee2001]

So sorry you are dealing with this! How incredibly hard and confusing. Ugh it's got to be exhausting and challenging. Just here to say sorry and hope you can heal.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thank you @Lee2001!

 

[Freedomfighter]

In case some dont know, I got the news that mom had retical cancer, never went to a doctor be...

I cut all ties with my abusive dad and I do not think that it will be tough for me whatsoever to know that he is gone. More a relief, but either way it does not matter to me where he is, what he does or whether he is alive or not. I am very independent and have long ago formed my own life without any family members being an important part of the life that I created. So I really did not create a life around a family, but rather my own life. I like it that way.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Freedomfighter, I cut ties off with my mom at age 19 and im now 35. I hadnt seen her or heard from her since excpet for like a week i had added her on facebook to see if she had changed but that doesnt count as it was facebook, not real life, and it was only a week.

I honestly didnt think id care this much when she died...when they died. They are, were, cult leaders and made me do things no one should have to hear about let alone do and punishments that not one living creature on this planet should need to go through. You'd think i wouldnt care if they died.

When my step dad died it was like my first love died and it was confusing but i could deal and work through it.

Mothers, unlike fathers, carry us for 9 months and possibly breast feed us (did happened in my case) making that bond stronger. They make more of a bond early in. Babies & toddlers are more dependant on their mothers and fathers come in a bit later.

There are different issues that come up from mother abusers then father abusers because of this. You hear "sperm donor" a lot but not "egg donor" and even many prisoners & gangsters respect their moms and that is shown in many shows and movies.

According to family, my dad wasnt around much in my baby, toddler, and young child age and so any bond was to my mom.

Because of all of this, its not as easy as to be happy shes gone. She doesnt feel gone, i have very intense emotions that is shutting down my body, and the cult is coming back to haunt me. I wish it were that easy but it just isnt. I have a feeling that im going to be trying to untie these knots for a very long time.

I do understand where you are coming from though. Thanks for the reply! :hug:

 

[Heather]

@lostforgottensoul I just came across this. I wish I knew what to say. I know you have struggled with your feelings regarding your mom from other threads.

I wish you peace my friend

Lots of hugs... take care of yourself... now is the time to do it more than ever.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @Heather! Yeah, i think its going to he a struggle for some time. I dont know why but i was under the impression a month, maybe 2, and id tackle this and be on my way picking up where i left off before i found out she was dying (about 3 or so weeks before she passed. I didnt even know she was sick before that).

Man was i completely wrong. Almost 3 months later and im no where near on top of this. Ive worked through some hard spots but i think its going to be something im working through for a long while. Hopefully on top of eventually but likely intermittent for years. Its thrown me backwards into a much younger state. In a much panicked state. In a much emotional state.

Anyway, dont mean to ramble, just been rather struggling but hanging on. Today i think im doing ok but i just got throught severe depression, suicidal, and cutting time too so im numb which is better than that. Its in and out.

Sorry, just so hard to explain. I struggle with threads too cuz im not real sure what im trying to ask. As its so different then a normal death, or a death of an abuser you never gained a bond with. It's its own animal.

Thanks for your thoughts and hugs! :hug: