News My Nephew Got The Death Sentence

[Meadowsweet]

(((Gizmo))), this must bring up so many emotions, from many different directions.

Please take care of yourself and speak up when you need to.

 

[Abstract]

Gizmo,

I really feel for you. What Deb said was really important. I have just watched a discovery documentation on child killers and one was an 11 year old girl who was treated dreadfully and murdered with glee (even laughing at the child's funeral). But she had a sister who did not behave like this.
People are deemed fit for trial because they are able to tell right from wrong.

If someone is in trouble they can ask for help to stop themselves acting out and hurting others. It sounds like he has a long history of aggression.

And as for staying: staying can absolutely in itself be enabling and a way of condoning behaviour. I think people thinking they can save the situation can be a big part of it continuing. And it sounds like you had your own children to think of.

It seems there were many people enabling this situation which would have stopped it from getting the attention from the authorities that it obviously needed.

I am sorry as I can understand the awful and wide range of feelings this much bring up.

It is always very sad when human being takes such a wrong path in life and affects many around them.

 

[JustBe]

Thinking of you Gizmo and wishing you a peaceful night:sleep:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Meadowsweet, it is bringing up so much. Alot of old memories. I am amazed at how much this affects me. I am remembering so many things I had forgotten.

The bright spot is the fact that for the first time, I believe we made a good and healthy choice to cut off contact with them.

Having them in our lives was a living hell. It was such a nightmare. I had forgotten that part of my life. I see no good in remembering all of it all over again. I am trying to focus on the fact that we made the right choice.

He made his choices. He alone is responsible. I always feel for the families of criminals. It is so strange how deeply this has affected me. I hope I can process the memories fast and move on leaving them behind. I was so alone back then. It was the worst days of our marriage. It was so bad.

But I had to put us first. We did the right thing. It has an impact on me for all of the people I had to cut out of my life. It is for health of our family. My but we had so many dysfunctional people in our lives. Mabe that is why I have not been in a big rush to go out and meet people and make new friends. I am so tired of dealing with toxic people. We do not have any one toxic in our lives now. It is so peaceful. Thank you for encouraging me to talk about it.

It really helps alot to talk about it. I do not think I ever took this into therapy. I think it was before I started therapy. Life sure is a process and a learn as you go. I will be changed by the realization that we actually made the wise choice. I feel free of the burden of it. I have carried this with me for years. Now it is gone. What a big relief.

I am just so glad they caught him. He cannot do it again. One off of the streets.

 

[DharmaGirl]

(((Gizmo))) I understand what you are going through. We had to cut ourselves off from my husband's family and I still feel guilty. I can see now that it was a good idea, since they were also using us, and several family members went to jail for various reasons. I hope you are ok, and know that I have you in my thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thanks Monster, I really appreciate your response to me. I have had to cut everyone away from me. For a year and one half we have had no toxic people in our lives. No crazymaking, no high drama, no nothing. I have been exhausted and am just now starting to feel better.

I am tired of going around with a target on me. I have better healthier skills and boundries now. I have learned so much over the years.

I am sorry you know how it feels. I am happy for you that you made the healthy choice for your own family. I wish the guilt would go away from you though. It is really a burden carrying around that guilt.

I feel vindicated and validated and it feels so different.

I really was doing the best I could at the time. I am free of the guilt. It is so insidious. I know there are so many people who have had to seperate from their families. I know I am not alone. I sure feel for you though. Seperating from family is so damn hard. It is just a heartbreaker isn't it? You take good care of you and I hope the guilt will leave you alone forever. We have broken the cycle of abuse.

That takes alot of courage and bravery and wanting something we never had. Passing on the good stuff instead of the bad. Thank you.

 

[KP the nut]

(((Gizmo))), I haven't read all of the posts, so this may have been said.

You are not responsible for the actions of your nephew or your family.

Wishing you peace.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you KP. I needed to hear that. I guess I still have a remnant of guilt for abandoning little kids. It sure is a hard choice to cut off members of your family. If it was not in the news I would never have known. I think I am still being hard on myself.

I broke the cycle of generational abuse in my family. It is true we either pass it back to where it came from or we pass it on to the new gerneration. And that is a fact of life. I wish life was easier sometimes. It is good for me now. But it sure took alot to get here. Thanks again.

 

[KP the nut]

(((Gizmo))).

Again I will say you are not responsible for your nephews actions. Please concentrate on you and those close to you. Yes, it is hard when it is in the media or you are made to feel guilty.

But, ultimately, whatever the act, we must take ownership for our own actions, be it as your nephew - arson or something else.

I know it is easy for me to say, but you know who/what is important in your life for you to heal.

 

[Shellbell]

I agree with KP, you are not responsible for their actions. They are. You did the right thing cutting them out of your life. They made their choices.

I feel like you that I am breaking the cycle of abuse that runs through families. And it takes strength and a good heart to do that - which you have gizmo. I am so glad you are in a better place.

It is okay to feel sad for the children, but not guilt, that is not yours to carry.

Hugs (((((gizmo)))))

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Abstract, Movin on, KP, and Shellbell. I really appreciate the support and wise words. I am feeling better today. I was overwhelmned with feelings and memories yesterday, but I am back to my old self today. Having recieved an overwhelmning amount of vindication and validation, and help, and support made the huge difference for me.

I did not have any support when I cut off contact. But I feel one hundred per cent better today.

I did have my own family to think about. We moved away so they did not know where we went. Anyways I feel better today. It is not my fault. It was just residue and I think I should take this into therapy for me.

So many people have had to break off contact with toxic family members. I see it now as a an act of true courage and character. It is an impossible decision.

Because they had so many enablers it got so bad. We refused to enable anymore. It gave us decent boundries with them.

They survived. Their lives are sure messed up. But they made the choice to go down that path. Thanks so much for telling me this. I believe it finally, and that is why I feel good today. Thanks for being there for me.

 

[nimkekaa]

I broke the cycle of generational abuse in my family. It is true we either pass it back to where it came from or we pass it on to the new gerneration. And that is a fact of life.

I really like the way you put that. I too had to separate from my family that was toxic. I too left behind my cousins that were still young at the time. I have thought about them often and worried how they were doing while living among such abuse.

I can take comfort, though, in the fact that I did not pass the abuse on to my children. I threw it back at my parents where it belonged and they, as far as I have heard, are still living in it. I coiuld not have given my children what I have if I had remained a part of all the toxic mess.

Thanks again for helping me see that Gizmo expecailly when this thread is suppose to be support for you. It just goes to show how much we can learn from each other and how we can help each other stand up strong and overcome the trauma's in our lives.

Big Hugs coming your way my friend!