News My Nephew Got The Death Sentence

[Deleted member 12723]

nimkekaa, thank you for sharing part of your own experience. We made impossible choices but they turned out to be the right ones. I am glad you got something out of this post. Thank you for your kind words. I am doing much better. I was so overwhelmned at first, but then I calmed down and feel peaceful again. Big hugs.

 

[Eleanor]

Gizmo - What a shock! I'm late to the thread but so sorry you are connected to such a thing even in a peripheral way. And I echo what so many others have said here - you are only responsible for what you can control/have power to do and you could not have rescued those kids (not realistically.) And maybe no one could have helped the young man. In any case, you did VERY well with the resources you had at hand to save your family - who you did have control over.

You cannot rescue a drowning person by drowning yourself.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Eleanor))) Thank you so much for saying that about a drowning person. It clicked and it made me feel better. I have just been haunted for abandoning those kids. I need to put those feelings away from now on. He mad his own choices i did save my own family. I put them first. I broke the generational cycle of abuse generationally.

You should see my granddaughters. They have good self esteem and a strong sense of self. They are their own people. My daughter had done a beautiful job of raising them. She is such a great mom. Better than me. I am very happy with the way my family has turned out. Big hugs to you. You have made such a big difference in my life. You are really something you know that?

 

[Froggie]

My heart goes out to you ((((gizmo)))). It is very hard to have relatives who are toxic and refuse to assume their responsabilities. I broke off with my baby sister as she was really toxic ... still is ... one way or the other, the other siblings don't talk to her either. I got peeved really off when the judge (twice) let her children stay with her and her H instead of putting them into foster care. They're time bombs that are going to explose one fine day.

What I'm getting at is that toxic people will manipulate others to assume THEIR responsabilities. For different reasons, they rather have others solve their problems and if it goes wrong, they have scapegoats to blame. You took a wise choice to cut yourself off from that branch of the family. And yes, it must have been pretty hard for your H. There are so many social norms concerning families that we get trapped and have to find the guts and enough self-love to get out of that.

I really believe you that you must be overflowed by memories of situations concerning your nephew and/or his family. Keeping you in my prayers.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Froggie for sharing that about your family. I am continually blown away by the fact that so many people have had to seperate from their families of origin. I was overwhelmned by memories and feelings of the time we were still with them and how crazymaking and high drama they were. I am doing better now. I am just so glad they caught him and got him off of the streets.

He cannot go around destroying anymore. His father wanted him to be a holy terror. How sick is that? It just makes me sick. I really appreciate your prayers. Thank you so much. Big hugs.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Gizmo)))))

 

[a3a2]

Hugs to you, gizmo. I, too, have a family member incarcerated for murder. No, you are not responsible for the choices he made.

 

[sunnyd]

(((((Gizmo))))

Thank you for sharing this post, What a shock for your family and you!

I have read these threads and have taken a lot from it. I also cut my brother out of my life for 10 years before reading in the paper about sexual offenses on a baby and internet porn.

I couldn't save him from the road or drinking he took himself down, he made his bad choices. When I heard I am afraid i got terribly ill as I thought of the young boy he was as my baby brother not the monster he grew into. I couldn't make his choices in life for him. Now he suffers everywhere he goes with beatings after his jail sentence. Somehow this makes me feel bad. I feel bad for everyone involved.

I hope you and husband are coping with this family problem. Its a hard one when you can look back on monsters and remember them before evil entered them.


Reading what others have said on your thread has gave me a bit of hope in my heart. Thanks all

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thanks guys for the supportive words. I have just accepted it. When and if he gets the death penalty I will have to deal with it again. But I am so angry at him for all of the damage he has done not to mention the lives of the five people who died. I am doing alot better. It was just such a shock.

 

[Britt.f7]

Gizmo, when I was in my twenties I got a call telling me that my cousin killed two innocent people. I had recently seen him at a family gathering. We were talking about a camping visit. All of us kids were sleeping in the back of the suburban when his mom (my aunt, my dad's sister), pulled him out and started railing on him. When we talked about it at the gathering, he said to me, you don't remember? Apparently his mom pulled him out and railed on him because my head was laying on his chest. We were kids.

I know what you mean about surreal. That's how I felt after my father's call. I couldn't even fathom it. Everyone knew he had a difficult childhood but no one mentions how his mom was one of the abusers. Not even 20 years later do they mention his mom is off balance. She visits him in prison. I haven't talked to him since the family gathering.

He had a choice. He could have reached out. He didn't have to hurt these people. I do have some empathy for him because of his family life, but I feel for those innocent people. I have always distanced myself from his mom. I still do.

It's been over 20 years and it still feels a bit surreal. I think it is hard to think that someone in my family could do this. I know my whole family is a bit off balance, but I didn't think this would happen.

Allow yourself to feel those emotions and visit those memories, but, remember, we all have choices regardless of our circumstances and he made his.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thanks so much Britt. Yesterday we told our daughter about it and she was as shocked as we were. She is also glad that he was brought to justice. He did make his own choices. Lots of people survive abusive childhoods and do not choose to harm others.

It is just so surreal to be so close and yet so far from it. Thank you for sharing your experience. I really appreciate it so much. I am sorry for your surreal experience too. Big hugs.

 

[Britt.f7]

big hugs back to you Gizmo!