CourtneyLoves
New Here
I started getting to know a man very slowly and at a distance (due to Covid), beginning in June of 2020; we both come from nightmarish upbringings and years of retraumatization by the world. My developmental trauma is pretty bad; in fact, I had met very few others whose DTD was as severe as mine, and certainly never in a romantic partner.
We started really opening up to each other about our trauma, and the abuse suffered by him and his brother is objectively worse than most. I have PTSD and depression from serious domestic abuse last year, and sometimes, I have really bad days with intrusive thoughts that just spill out. Normally, when I have a traumatic memory, he is supportive, saying he understands and offers support, etc. But when I mention any of the adult sexual abuse I have been a victim of, his first response is to relate by reminding me that he went through the same thing as a child, and it's better not to worry, think about it, et.
Here's my issue and question: After a flashback about a pretty sick rape that happened to me 20 years ago, I was having a rough day and while spending time with my CSA survivor boyfriend starting recalling the traumatic series of events to him (I was drugged and raped by a much older roommate who continued to sexuallyassault assult me for weeks, leaving me strange gifts, etc.), and after I had told him this shit his response was basically, 'cool now every time girlfriend I wanna touch my girlfiend I gotta deal with feeling like a rapist?". His response was so unsupportive and out of character I thought that maybe I had triggered his CSA, so I apologized for bringing it up without a trigger warning. He then said, "I don't need a trigger warning, I mean, it happens. Why worry about it? You know? you make a choice to worry. I worried for years about all the CSA that occurred to me, but it didn't help at all, so I just stopped".
I am confused. Did I trigger an out of character PTSD response in him, or is he just an asshole, CSA or not? Can trauma victims have weird responses to rearing about trauma?
We started really opening up to each other about our trauma, and the abuse suffered by him and his brother is objectively worse than most. I have PTSD and depression from serious domestic abuse last year, and sometimes, I have really bad days with intrusive thoughts that just spill out. Normally, when I have a traumatic memory, he is supportive, saying he understands and offers support, etc. But when I mention any of the adult sexual abuse I have been a victim of, his first response is to relate by reminding me that he went through the same thing as a child, and it's better not to worry, think about it, et.
Here's my issue and question: After a flashback about a pretty sick rape that happened to me 20 years ago, I was having a rough day and while spending time with my CSA survivor boyfriend starting recalling the traumatic series of events to him (I was drugged and raped by a much older roommate who continued to sexuallyassault assult me for weeks, leaving me strange gifts, etc.), and after I had told him this shit his response was basically, 'cool now every time girlfriend I wanna touch my girlfiend I gotta deal with feeling like a rapist?". His response was so unsupportive and out of character I thought that maybe I had triggered his CSA, so I apologized for bringing it up without a trigger warning. He then said, "I don't need a trigger warning, I mean, it happens. Why worry about it? You know? you make a choice to worry. I worried for years about all the CSA that occurred to me, but it didn't help at all, so I just stopped".
I am confused. Did I trigger an out of character PTSD response in him, or is he just an asshole, CSA or not? Can trauma victims have weird responses to rearing about trauma?