My Second Prolonged Experience....struggling.

[tatertot]

I'm struggling after my 2nd Prolonged Exposure therapy appt. :(

My body shut down again. I was freezing in her office and teeth were chattering, legs and hands went frozen. I was trembling. I went into way more detail this time around. I wasn't thinking I was going to share that much but she kept pushing by saying, "and then what..." and "what next...." She wanted me to stay in the memory and not check out which I was starting too but when she said, "what's next...." I would just get back into it. I'm not upset about that......it was just hard to be IN that memory for so long again. Yes, it was shorter than last weeks session so that is improvement. It was just so incredibly painful. :(

I feel so raw and exposed now........and I had to listen to the CD again this morning and <sigh> scared that I shared so much. It was hard to hear me in so much despair while I was talking. :(

I know these early appts are the hardest but feel like I need to curl into a ball and hide. I can't though.........I've got to clean and cook and what not for Thanksgiving. I'm just feeling off.

I know this is supposed to be good and helpful....PE that is but damn, I hate it.

 

[mytai]

Gentle hugs if you want them.

I'm glad you made it through it, I'm sorry you feel so horrible right now. Proud of you for finishing the session though. Maybe talking to your T about how hard it was for you to listen to the CD afterwards.

Sometimes distractions after rough sessions are the best, it helps to keep us from removing ourselves from reality.

 

[franciemarnie]

I am freezing when I release trauma energy and I shake and all that. I know it was hard as anything but you are releasing that stored up emotion and energy. You are doing great and are courageous! You will feel the good results as time goes by.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sounds painful... I read a lot of trauma processing stories and my process didn't put me in such a bad place as the techniques used were a bit different. I'm sorry you're struggling so much!

 

[maddog]

Gentle, heartfelt encouragement coming your way. You're right, the early sessions are tough, and there's just no way of sugar coating or avoiding that. For what it's worth, it sounds as though you are progressing in the right direction at a pretty good speed, though I'm sure it doesn't feel like it.

I too experience the terrible shaking and frozen cold feeling when trauma is being released from my body. It's normal, though distressing, and a healthy sign of your body engaging with and moving through the memory. If the cold persists, which it often does with me, don't be afraid to take a jacket or blanket to put over yourself at the end of the exposure as the session is wrapping up, or afterwards. Anything you can do to soothe and warm your body will help you to ground and to calm yourself.

I know you're obviously busy right now, and some level of distraction is good, but don't be afraid to curl into a ball for a while if you need to as well. The processing that your brain is experiencing goes on and on even between sessions, and it's very draining, both psychologically and physically. Give yourself permission to be very worn out and still, and to tell yourself that's a good thing.

You're doing great. Hang in there. And if it helps to keep sharing your progress here, I know that I for one find it very validating to hear and support your journey.

Maddog

 

[tatertot]

Wow, you are all so supportive and kind. Honestly....thank you! And yes, maddog it totally helps to come here and share and have others validate what I'm going through. I really appreciate you seeing that too.

It's good to hear from you and the others that the shivvering and freezing and what not is normal It seems totally uNnormal for your body to do that when you are talking but I know it makes sense when it comes down to releasing trauma and what it does to your body. That's scary but I get it. I do. And it helped to hear too that even between sessions that I can be emotionally and physically drained. I am. And I think I should be okay so thank you for the reminder that that may happen to me.

I would call my T but she's out of town now for the holidays and won't be back for a week. So a struggle and perhaps that's why I'm having a hard time too? Becuase I can't call her and ask her if it's really okay that I shared all the details like that. It's almost like I want to keep tabs on her because I'm so scared of her betraying me (as others have in my past). But I'm holding onto faith that she told me she wouldn't and trying to keep hold of that.

I wish I could just fast forward through the holidays and it be 2014.

 

[Seasounds]

There are less traumatic ways to move though trauma. My question: do you feel freer after recovering from the trauma exposure in therapy?