My symptoms feel too severe to be ptsd

[Freida]

avoiding ANY reminders of the trauma

sooooo...y'know that's one of the criteria for PTSD yes?? :)

My hope is that I will be able to learn skills for the panic attacks and severe anxiety BEFORE diving into the trauma work.

I
My T spent several months teaching me this. She said we had to build my "window of tolerance" for the feelings that were going to be coming up when we started the trauma work. It threw me at first because I had NO intention of spending years in therapy just to get over this stupid ptsd crap. Yea. bout that. here I am 4 years later, still muddling along. When I start beating myself up for not getting better faster she reminds me that it took time to get ptsd and then I spent decades not dealing with it, so undoing those lost years is part of the damage we had to address.

The good news is that you are learning and healing along the way. It's not like you have to wait for the repair work to begin. It starts the day you start therapy. It may just not look like it from the inside...

 

[MamaHopeful]

These words mean SO much to me. Thank you so much!
I will have to assert myself to my T and make sure she gives me time to build my window of tolerance. I love that so much.

 

[NewGirl280]

Your post REALLY resonated with me!

I spent about two years going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with me. My symptoms were all physical. Random dizziness, hot type flashes, vision problems, overall feeling just awful. I would have a “dizzy spell” aka “panic attack” and would then have mass anxiety from it. It was a constant viscous cycle. Even good days weren’t great. Exhausting from just trying to get through the days. I was sad. Totally withdrew from all of life etc.

Anyways - I finally found help. Even though what I went through I don’t cognitively in my mind view as trauma, my body did. When the therapist said PTSD, classic PTSD - I almost left and never came back. No way. It took time for me to learn about my nervous system and why/how I was feeling the way I was. I still wasn’t totally in agreement but was willing to give it a whirl. Thank god I did - I started feeling better. Recognizing some triggers. Learning to cope.

I’m glad I’m not alone here!

Thank you.
This means the world to me.
I have convinced myself that I have many horrible and incu...

Woah! Again - feel like I’m reading about myself!

 

[Swift]

Hey, yeah, definitely could be PTSD. I had a major breakdown and went from uni and two jobs to not being able to be asked a question like "what do you want on your toast?" without panic.
So, severity-wise, it's totally in line with a PTSD diagnosis.

That being said, if you drop your doses of anything, or take anything new, that can also make you freak out. A lot of people have PTSD and anxiety, or PTSD and panic disorder, or PTSD and depression too.

The other thing that's possibly going on is it might not feel like the doctors are listening to you because they say "It's normal", and I'm sure it doesn't feel normal. Doctors are exceedingly strange creatures, to whom "normal" means more like, "expected", or "fits with the diagnosis and isn't going to kill you." I've banged on about that in other posts, but literally if it's expected, they've got an extremely flexible definition of what "normal" is. (Source: I grew up with 2).

Secondly, you mentioned you were interested in how PTSD works in the brain. It's kinda an interest of mine, I used to be an EEG tech, so I'll give a brief explanation if you're interested.

PTSD changes the structure of your brain. Literally changes it. The change is reversible, but not without work. Compared to a typical brain, our amygdalas and survival brains are larger. These are the prehistoric elements of our brains, that we share with lizards etc, so I call them "lizard brain." They deal with the four Fs, fighting, fleeing, feeding and.... mating. The amygdala governs the first two, and ours are disproportionately large generally speaking. Check out some MRIs of PTSD brain on Google if you like, it's fascinating.

The bit of our brain that shrinks to make room for this is called the hippocampus - hippo meaning horse, kampos meaning monster - so named because it's seahorse-shaped and in the middle of our brains. This is the bit that governs the "where/when" function. This is especially relevant when we're triggered. The hippocampus is offline, so we perceive that the danger from the memory is in the here-and-now, instead of the there-and-then, so the rest of our brain reacts like the danger of the trigger is the danger in the memory. Explains why we freak out so badly physically, and emotionally.

Lastly, our sensory organs are a) hyperactive because we're in danger mode and b) generally wired straight to the lizard brain through reinforcing that during trauma. The brain is made up of neurons, and when these activate, they build pathways. They connect to each other and "wire" the ways they think they're supposed to work. Trauma reinforces our sensory organs should connect to our "danger" mode.

We develop extreme sensitivity to stimuli because our brain is trying to keep us safe.

Everyone has good ideas for strategies with that, and this post is long enough already. If you're interested in more science I'm happy to share what I know, but I'm not a doctor and don't know everything.

 

[MamaHopeful]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm so tired of feeling insane.
Thank you so much.

WHen you say, "Everyone has good ideas for strategies with that," I would love to know more and learn more. I struggle so much with feeling like I am slipping into a terrifying state whenever I am not busy. It's like the moment my brain rests, it goes straight to terror mode with intrusive images/memories that don't make any sense. I'd love to know ways to fight this!!

 

[Swift]

Sorry, what I probably should've said is, all the suggestions on the thread are really good. Because I certainly didn't have any good ideas about dealing with it when I was where you are now! :p

If you're just beginning, grounding exercises are rad and useful for all sorts of things.
From a neuroscience perspective - chewing or mints is the no 1 way I have of settling my amygdala. It especially helps with that panic-attack style feeling of impending doom, for me.

Also, my bedroom smells really good - quite strongly of vanilla - which helps me realise where I am in the morning.

I started a thread called "what's your weirdest PTSD tip?", which got some cool responses too.

 

[blackemerald1]

@MamaHopeful - I hope you have found some ideas to help slow down what you are describing^^ But in case you are still looking....

A bit of advice one psychiatrist gave me when I was being super duper busy in every moment to avoid etc., before the big crash happened was 'first learn to do nothing'. Very strange advice and did not understand nor want to do this. But over time I did discover what he meant but it was so dam hard to do!

I think another way of looking at this is you just cannot continue the exhausting routines to avoid. In fact probably your body will crash you out long before you have run out of ideas to avoid. Such was my marvellous imagination.:rolleyes:

So I suggest learning to do nothing which is actually learning to do something with your brain which it will not want to do. I know I am not making much sense...sorry.! I am trying. Once you master this, the fear of not having your brain constantly doing stuff - means it will let you rest. Rest is the rolled gold miracle! Once rest is achieved you alleviate exhaustion. Exhaustion in the mind and body pulls you apart physically, neurologically, emotionally and mentally. When all of these areas collide you reach melt-down. So for me the only way back was to try to repair and manage each of these areas.

It's training yourself to back track to very simple, basic routines that are all centred on being in the moment, breathing properly, exercising gently, eating small amounts and getting sufficient sleep. But that is just the beginning there is heaps more.:hug:

 

[Abstract]

Welcome. :) The others said it all. I will only add that I suspect the most useful skill you could learn to start with would be mindfulness and Radical Acceptance. Lots of luck.

 

[Fancy Dancy]

From what you've shared I feel like I've been there. I've spent full days tucked in the sofa cushions trying not to scream and cry because if I make noise I could be found or hurt (that's what the panic is saying). My panic attacks are vivid and I'm often fighting off an invisible attacker, and when I go to block an arm or hand and it's not there, it makes everything worse be cause now my attacker is intangible but feels real. Sometimes I have to call out for help and my brain is torn in two pieces; I know where reality is but it's very far away and I can't get back, my senses are snared in a delusion. I've spent unknown days on the sofa, my mind convinced that every twitch and every ticking sound and every motion around me is danger- even the cats and dogs checking in on me makes me scream "no", every car that drives by makes me flinch and spasm, everything is trying to kill me. My mind is seeing things so vivid I get lost in where reality is and no matter how much daylight and surroundings my eyes take in they can't over power the images and videos in my head.

These have been the worst of the worst for me, but I've been there.

It's not a fix, but the best remedy for me was usually getting out of my environment and going somewhere; not shopping. More like road-trip. Camping. Backpacking. Alone, anonymous, in control, and MOVING. That's pulled me out of the funks that have lasted for days or weeks.

So sorry you're contending with such awful symptoms :( At some point, things do have to get better! And seeking help and support is the best first step!