I wrote a letter to my T describing the sexual abuse from my childhood because there was no way I...
How do trauma therapists (specialists) deal with the sexual abuse reports and violent histories of all of their clients they treat? Seems it would take a very caring and empathetic human being to be able to withstand day in and day out and yes they are paid, I know, yet their hearing vivid recounts of our (my) broken life/lives and heart(s) must effect them deeply as did your abuse history deeply move your therapist
@Littlebirdy44. I have a wonderful therapist for the first time in my life. I prayed for this EMDR Specialist (35 years of experience) and there is change a comin' for me; I am working my butt off in EMDR Therapy and I will not give up. Cannot live in this mental/emotional state of undead forever, anymore. I must push on and forward and speak the unspeakable in EMDR sessions and the fear is palpable during sessions and the uncontrollable crying recounting the violence, torture, and horrific trauma events me and my sister experienced, witnessed, etc.
Sister saw therapist years ago - she said only once - and she was told her extreme trauma and abuse was one of the worst cases the therapist had ever heard of; we were both together through only some of my abuse history (dad violently abused me more than sister), yet because sister won't speak with me about the unspeakable (for her), I only know bits and pieces about our (sis' and mine) mutually experienced trauma and all that she fully experienced herself - alone. She is not aware of most all of the extreme trauma our dad exacted and inflicted upon my psyche and body over my lifetime up until his death in '08.
I have not been feeling well for a number of seems like many days (disconnected and numb = ptsd), yet I wanted to tell you
@Littlebirdy44 how hard I know it is for you to have written down abuse history and for you now to know that your truth is finally exposed to the Light and now out of the shadows and out of the darkness. For me, exposing this horrific degradation we (I) experienced takes away some of it's power for now your (my) therapist) knows and we are members here and are NOT alone ANYMORE. I hope and pray
@Littlebirdy44, you will begin healing, oh I so want this for you. I'm in EMDR Therapy, and it hurts so much - each session, yet I, after 7th session can tell a difference in how my mind is processing information and beginning to reprogram the horrific messages my brain has been daily feeding me for decades.
Your therapist is also so validating (since after abuse violators and offenders most often deny, deny, deny); of your abuse - she read your abuse history in front of you. And, also that your therapist cried like you said and she believes you. No one ever believed me until this therapist began to validate and talk with me about violent and torturous abuse history. Other therapists wanted me to stay in present and not go back (again due to misdiagnosis) and this prevented me from starting my recovery process (and it is a process and a journey).
And I had not until after 2012 been forthcoming about sharing my abuse history with most anyone - due to incorrect diagnosis - now corrected: prolonged complex ptsd and major depressive disorder. At moment,
@Littlebirdy44 I feel so up in my head and yet so detached from my emotions and cannot wait for this state of mind (or lack thereof) to pass and I loathe feeling so fearful of unknown also loathe my current ptsd symptoms, I miss feeling connected here in this forum and out in my life with others. I go through the motions waiting to my mind (brain) to once again for the umpteenth time - to reconnect with the living. I feel at present - like the walking dead. And this state of being will pass. It always has, I wish it would never come again.
My heart goes out to you
@Littlebirdy44 as I understand of not speaking (writing) and divulging about your trauma story until now. In my case , although I've been experiencing triggers/small flashes throughout decades - not until 1/1996 is when it all came flooding back in nightmares and remembrances - fractured and fragmented pieces through my brokenness. So grateful for your post and hope you will continue posting as when you do, you help so many people here - me included.
@JadesJewel
