DID My therapist insisted i have did, but i think she's wrong. could i be in denial?

[CVC]

I am no longer seeing this therapist, I should say. I felt like she wasn't really listening to me (maybe it was a problem with my communication, I don't know). But I'm still left wondering…

She is a trauma and dissociation specialist, has DID herself, and insists I have DID. I am not sure the basis of her diagnosis, as it seems to me I don't have the hallmark signs. Maybe there's something I'm missing? I am hoping some of you, especially those who have experience with DID, can help me figure it out…

I certainly have dissociative symptoms. I have derealization and depersonalization episodes. I seem to be fairly skilled at not thinking about things that make me uncomfortable, and I can shove down feelings pretty deep. The most "DID" thing I do is that I sometimes "forget" that I know something, if it's something that makes me really uncomfortable, and then I can sometimes remember it in a different setting when I'm calmer. (For instance, my friend told me her uncle used to rape her, and she had to tell me more than once before I was able to fully "remember" it when I was actually around her.) I also seem to be able to dissociate pain (as in, I might be aware that something is hurting somewhere in my body, but I am not sure where). So, yes, I get that I have extreme dissociative tendencies. But I don't think that's the same thing as having DID.

Also, I can go from relatively calm to full-blown panic attack in no time flat. My therapist calls this a "switch" (even though she never witnessed one--all based on my reports). To me, though, it just seems like I have a volatile mood, as I have total continuity in consciousness throughout any changes in mood.

I have read two of the authoritative texts on DID, and I have trouble relating to the experiences reported in these books. I don't have memory gaps or lose time, and I don't have any sense that there are multiple "personalities" inside of me. My therapist tried to get me to have "internal meetings" with my supposed parts, but the entire exercise just felt baffling to me. I tried really hard to get in touch with these parts my therapist insisted I have inside of me, but I kept coming up empty.

So, I'm left wondering: Is it possible that I do have DID somehow, and am simply unable to accept it (after all, I am good at denial)? Is it possible that my therapist was pushing this on me for reasons of her own, and I've just been the victim of an over-zealous diagnosis? It's all very confusing. Any thoughts would be appreciated, whether you have DID or not.

 

[Mayday]

I relate to all your dissociative symptoms, and for myself, I would say that I'm on the dissociative spectrum, but like you, from the reading I've done on DID, I don't think I have it either. I feel like there are multiple parts inside me, but they didn't become fully formed personalities. My mood swings contributed to a bipolar diagnosis at one stage, though I think, and my therapist thinks, that all along the issues were from unresolved PTSD.

To me it sounds like your previous therapist might have been projecting somewhat. Possibly she recognised your more dissociative symptoms from her own experiences and jumped to the DID conclusion. But then I don't think I have DID, so that would probably make me in denial too, in her view anyway...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Did she test you? If not, I wouldn't put much stock into her diagnosis. It sounds as if she is projecting.

The test asks such things as whether or not you have things in your home that you don't remember buying, if you lose chunks of time, etc.

I say go with your gut. Get a second opinion by someone who doesn't have DID. But don't tell them you've already been diagnosed with it as many won't do a thorough examination and just rely on a previous doctors diagnosis unfortunately.

 

[chant2012]

I relate to all your dissociative symptoms, and for myself, I would say that I'm on the dissociative spectrum, but like you, from the reading I've done on DID, I don't think I have it either. I feel like there are multiple parts inside me, but they didn't become fully formed personalities.

This exactly. This is how it is for me. I think I might be on the spectrum somewhere. My T said that I may have started "splitting" somewhere but the partial splits stayed partial, never forming into a distinct personality.

To me it sounds like your previous therapist might have been projecting somewhat. Possibly she recognised your more dissociative symptoms from her own experiences and jumped to the DID conclusion. But then I don't think I have DID, so that would probably make me in denial too, in her view anyway...

I agree. It sounds as if she is projecting. You might not ever know her reasons, but you know deep down that you don't... It doesn't sound like you do. But possibly do have dissociative aspects about you. Which is fine, there is nothing wrong with that.

Supporting you 100%!!! :)

Much love and support, your friend, Chantel ♥

 

[Hashi]

I am not sure the basis of her diagnosis,

I don't suppose you're in a position to contact her and ask her? For example, by email. I would understand if you aren't, but it might help to know what the basis was.

Nothing that you've described sounds like DID to me. You've described dissociation, certainly, but not seemingly to do with identity.

The most "DID" thing I do is that I sometimes "forget" that I know something, if it's something that makes me really uncomfortable, and then I can sometimes remember it in a different setting when I'm calmer.

I've had this with a few things, and I see it as some sort of block rather than DID. For example, I couldn't remember whether a relative with cancer died or not. Before, I thought he had when he hadn't. Other times, I had no idea whether he had or not. He actually has died now, and although I think at this stage I probably can remember, I've written myself a note in my address book. I know that might sound awful but I can't risk not remembering again. I might address a Christmas card to him and his wife jointly, or something, when I sent her a sympathy card two months ago. That isn't DID for me though.

I could actually go further than that and say I've had two times when I found out I'd done something that I didn't remember and that seemed completely uncharacteristic. Both times were throwing away an important document. That might sound like a classic DID flag, but the context was that the documents related to a legal situation that I was in complete overwhelm about, and my functioning around it had collapsed.

Long story short, me and two separate trauma therapists I've seen over time don't believe I have DID, but if you looked at those incidents you might think I could have it. At the same time you could look at my stress levels of about 300% at the time, and how I was trying to get rid of unneeded documents in order to get through a terrifying pile of paperwork, and come to the conclusion that I'd simply missed the whole thing about those two particular pieces of paperwork.

So I'm wondering if your past therapist was drawing conclusions that might not need to have been drawn. I wonder at you saying that she herself has DID. How would you know this? Does she advertise that fact? If so, I can't help wondering if she has something of a DID agenda. To know what she considered evidence would be helpful, if that's possible.

 

[Bluerose]

I'm with Hashi and others. I think she may have shared too much. Not very professional. And it may be Dissociation but I doubt it's DID. Not qualified to say but hope it helps. DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) used to be called MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder). Personally I prefer the DID tag to the MPD tag. I found the 'symptoms' of MPD a bit scary. DID, to my mind, is more about serious dissociation and not so much about becoming other people. If you were to replace DID with MPD and see how that makes you feel, I think you'll be able to answer the question yourself.

 

[DMerish]

I concur with you and the others: from what you describe, yea, there's some dissociation going on but DID? I dunno :-o

You didn't mention how long you've been with this therapist or what other possible diagnosis she's provided.

Any therapist that insists on diagnosing someone over a relatively short amount of time and/or without family input or additional collobaration by professional personnel, is suspect of being "crazy" - IMHO - just my $0.02

 

[WillyKat]

Agree with all. I was just reading Judith Herman's book Trauma and Recovery where she said that reaching a diagnosis of DID takes an average of six years.

Agree too that her telling you what *her* diagnosis is doesn't seem quite kosher.

I'd suggest that you look around to find another therapist to go see and if you like that one better...well, you'll know what to do.

Just playing devil's advocate for a second, if the therapy she is providing is working for you in all other respects, then maybe there's no rush to change and maybe no need to change at all. Again, that's just the devil's lawyer speaking. It's up to you.

Of the two good therapists I've had, neither mentioned / mentions the diagnosis very much. It's just not a big deal to them, aside from what to put on the insurance form. What matters is to treat the individual.

 

[Bluerose]

My Psychiatrist referred me to someone else (a consultant in a hospital) and it was he in just two visits and a long questioner who diagnosed PTSD & DID. But even with that pretty official diagnoses, there are times when I still question it and there are times when it makes so much sense. It can be difficult trying to explain what you are going through. I found writing things down helped. I once gave T a six page letter which was forwarded to the consultant with the referral. A copy of his report was then sent back to my psychiatrist and one to me so I got to read first hand his diagnoses. That came after twenty years of on again off again therapy.

 

[Abstract]

The only way to know for sure would be to see a psychiatrist and get an independent diagnoses but I have to say I totally agree with all the others here. She has not referred to a single thing that should make her so certain or would indicate DID.

There are situations where a T could be 100 % sure whilst you were still in denial. Such as you switching in front of her and you not recalling it. She is not referring to anything like that though.

There is a bit of controversy about over-diagnoses when it comes to DID and I think it's quite possible your ex T may be one of the culprits. In other words it may not be a case of transference just with you but rather that she sees DID wherever she sees trauma. Unfortunately reactions like that have made some professionals sceptical about anything to do with more significant dissociation and DID and that therefore causes a lot of trouble for all.

I sometimes "forget" that I know something, if it's something that makes me really uncomfortable, and then I can sometimes remember it in a different setting when I'm calmer. (

Thank you for sharing! This sounds like what I do. Do you temporarily blank out when people are threatening to you in lessor ways at all?https://www.myptsd.com/threads/topi...d-temporary-loss-of-information-anyone.35761/

My situation is very much like Mayday mentions. I actually do loose blocks of time but they are due to trance states. I do battle inside myself very intensely but not in the way someone with DID would. In fact, on paper there are many things that could be twisted slightly and look like DID. I have done things out of character and not remembered; bought things on ebay and not remembered etc etc. But although I do have significant dissociative issues I am certainly not DID.

Also, I can go from relatively calm to full-blown panic attack in no time flat. My therapist calls this a "switch"

What this probably is is PTSD. You have probably "fallen" into a pocket of trauma. Emotionally flashing back at some level. Someone with DID may flip in the same way to a fully developed traumatised alternative part of themselves but you haven't said anything that should make her jump to that conclusion.

It is possible she is a supporter of structural dissociation theory where all PTSD/trauma falls into the dissociative spectrum but that still doesn't explain her saying you have DID.

 

[HemlockGrove]

You may have already looked into it - but what about DDNOS? (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). If you know for certain you have no memory gaps and genuinely don't believe you have other personality parts (Now there are some people who go their whole lives not knowing, but they have the memory gaps. No gaps usually means you would know if you have other parts) then you wouldn't really fit with the DID diagnosis (But DDNOS definitely sounds like a possibility)

Best of luck in finding answers:) - I know that struggle all too well.

 

[CVC]

First of all, thank you to everyone who replied. This was the first thread I started (other than intro), and I'm humbled by all the answers and how supportive people are on this forum. You all made my day!

She did not "test" me, no. I did a self-administered test from one of the books I read (I know it's not the same), and the results suggested I do not have DID, but it was certainly well within "DDNOS." Now that you mention it, it does seem odd she'd be so zealous about diagnosing without the established tests. I do think, Abstract, that she might see DID everywhere. She told me that she basically believes that anyone who undergoes severe enough trauma (whatever that means) at a young age ends up with DID. She diagnosed me within the first couple months (was seeing her 2/week). She also diagnosed me with complex PTSD before that.

I agree it's odd she'd tell me about her own diagnosis. She told me she was only telling me so I'd feel more at ease in disclosing my own symptoms. I think she believed I was hiding symptoms from her (though I wasn't).

Your responses have given me the confidence to trust my gut--I really don't think I have DID, though I know I have dissociative tendencies.

It's nice to hear so many people can relate to being "on the spectrum." I know it's a common PTSD thing, but it's still good to hear "me too." Abstract and Hashi, it's especially good to hear about what you (Hashi) describe as "blocks." It's always made me feel self-conscious and weird, and you're the first two people to ever indicate to me they've experienced this too. Yay for not feeling so alone in the world!