My therapist resigned

[BlackbirdSinging]

Today I walked into therapy just like any other day. I sat down and exchanged greetings with my therapist. I noticed she wasn't smiling as much as usual. But, she's human too. Maybe she's having a bad day. She looked at me and said words I never wanted to hear from her. "I'm resigning and today is probably our last session". I cried my way throuh the session. I beat myself up for everything I meant to talk to her about and kept putting off. And finally just gave in and surrendered to the sadness.

We've been working together for 4 years. And now just like that she's gone. Into the depths of things like "past" and "memories". When I got home I cried. I cried from my belly and then I pulled my grief up from my toes and I just sobbed. I want to take her with me. I'm not ready to let go. My shoulders shook. My eyes squeezed out stream after stream of tears.

And now begins the grieving. And I have chosen to put into use the tools she has taught me to get through it. That is to say I'm having her help me through her own departure. I'm not angry. I'm sad. I miss her already. I need a moment to breathe through this pain. She connected me to another therapist in the same office. I'l see her in about a week. But, for today. I have to do what she always told me to do with my feelings. Feel them.

 

[ninja]

Oh I am so sorry BBS. Sitting with you, as I have no other words because that is hard. :hug::hug::hug:

 

[somerandomguy]

Wow, not cool of her to quit with absolutely no warning.

But you're absolutely doing the right thing. I hope you connect even better with your next therapist.

 

[Still Standing]

:(:(Oh my gosh! You broke my heart!!! What you wrote was beautifully said and I could feel your sorrow. I am so sad with you. But, I am amazed at how you are letting yourself grieve. I'm not sure I am to a point where I could do that. I am not a huggy person, but I would love to hold you and let you cry and cry. Perhaps with this future therapist you will find a new surge of progress and this will have all worked out in your favor. But, for the moment, as you have said, you have to walk through this sadness. And you know, we are here to listen and walk with you...

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m so sorry! :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[ButterflyBean]

I’m just wondering if she gave a reason… She doesn’t have to of course, I’m just genuinely curious? There’s supposed to be a termination process, and from what it sounds like, that didn’t happen. I would start right there with your next therapist. The grief, the sadness, the abandonment. I can empathize because I had a similar situation happen to me, only the ending was different. My therapist in college told me she quit the very day that she left, but I was able to follow her into her private practice. That’s why I asked if she give a reason. Are you able to follow her in any way? How did you proceed through your last session? Sending lots of support your way!

 

[whiteraven]

I am so sorry. This is so hard. I had a psychiatrist terminate with me by certified letter, so I know how devastating it can be. I'm surprised you're not angry. I would be...

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your input and support. And wow do I need it right now. This is hard. The layers of emotions and then dealing with the shock and then the grief. She said the reason is that she's been there for many years and it was time for her to make a change. Our recent appointments had been impacted by an influx of clients that had been handed to her and some demands helping at some of the other offices. She was truly overloaded. I'd gone from seeing her weekly to seeing her once every two to three weeks. Her last day is at the end of the month. But, my next appointment with her wasn't supposed to be until May. There wasn't really time to ease into the closure. There is no setting another appointment before her last day since she's already booked solid.

It sucks and it hurts like hell. I feel like maybe I want to get angry she didn't warn me but, I really don't want to be angry at her. There wasn't time for a warning. I feel like I'm juggling shock and grief and everything that goes with it. One minute I want to hold on tight to all of the tools she gave me. And the next minute I'm frustrated this happened as suddenly as it did. We were a really good match. She got me. I didn't have to explain things over and over again for her. She dug deep at the roots of my pain. She patiently waited when I needed to stop. She never "shoulded" me. She walked with me through some of the most painful and sacred ground in my life. I told her things I'd never told anyone before. I've been in and out of therapy for most of my life and I usually don't let myself feel too much of any kind of "friendship" with my therapists. It was different with her. I let myself like her the way I'd like a close friend. And I therefore feel like I've lost one of my best friends.

I'm not good at this stuff. I don't like the feelings and how long they last. My first thought is put it away. Don't feel it. And we all know how that works. It doesn't. I can't follow her to a new office. She's taking a break. And after that she might not get back into therapy. I hate this heavy feeling. I laughed at times later today. It wasn't like real true happy laughing like it usually would be if I wasn't grieving. This all feels like a bad dream. Who knows what sleep will be like tonight. I'm almost scared to dream. This sucks.

 

[Mee]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I would be bereft too if the same thing happened to me as I feel my situation us a project my therapist and I are coworkers on and we both have different but compatible skills. Getting that rapport, and informing someone about me would feel.... Time wasted. :(

However.
We don’t know she is being unprofessional. She could have had a crisis in her personal life/ health forcing her to make immediate changes.

What ever this situation, sigh, it's very difficult for you. I am so sorry; I am hoping that by considering it's not necessarily unprofessional might help

 

[Suzetig]

How awful for you - I know how hard I would find such a sudden end. The working environment sounds impossible though, I wonder if she’s feeling a bit burnt out - which doesn’t help you in that she’s still not there but might help you know it’s not about you (because that would be my fear and might be in there for you).

 

[Missycat]

Oh im so sorry @BlackbirdSinging. It is awful and sad that you didnt get the opportunity to work through ending your work together. I appreciate thinking about your new T isnt where your emotions are at the moment but you could work through these feelings with your new T, your t leaving or therapy ending does feel like a massive loss and hopefully you could work on this as you start to build a new relationship with your new t?
Sending hugs :hug:

 

[scout86]

The working environment sounds impossible though,

I would be willing to bet this is what the resignation was about. Something similar happened with my T. After a period of great confusion, he ended up opening his own practice and I'm still seeing him.