General My vet wants to enter restaurant first - asking for advice

[Withoutnameplease]

A couple we are friends with has asked us to join them going to the movies and after that they wanted to invite us to a restaurant. However they did not tell us which one. We asked but they just said: Well, we decide when we are there.
My vet would like to learn about the restaurant before we go there. When the both of us go to a restaurant he goes in first, has a look at everything which might take a few minutes and when the restaurant is the way he likes it, he decides that I may come in.
How is it possible for my vet to inspect the restaurant first in this case without being impolite? Thanks in advance.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Can you suggest a place near the movies that your husband is familiar with?

 

[Mee]

‘We really like x restaurant, do you? Could we go there? we don’t get to go there nearly enough! ‘.

 

[Withoutnameplease]

In our culture it is a bit impolite to suggest the place you are invited to if you have been invited but I think it beats the alternatives.
He could not really tell them: Please wait outside for ten minutes while I check the place. They would think that we are daft, wouldn’t they?
He could check ALL the restaurants near the movies. It is not the city we live in and he has not checked them yet or like you suggested he can go there choose one and suggest it to them.

 

[Ronin]

Or, hey, my guy has a lot of ideas about really nice places and we both want to make sure all feel comfortable, would you mind talking to him first?

Imo not painting a target on him so much, men & women ideas of a fun locale can differ even naturally quite a lot. ;)

 

[Ronin]

In our culture it is a bit impolite to suggest the place you are invited to if you have been invited but I think it beats the alternatives.
He could not really tell them: Please wait outside for ten minutes while I check the place. They would think that we are daft, wouldn’t they?.

I bet you he can be also quite subtle about checks, an/or that obvious ones can be taken both as caring, and welcome.

Eventually made be fun out of, and a part of good times... not disruptive to them, or ruining the lightness.

 

[Friday]

10 minutes is a LONG time to clear a restaurant. I can do most in under 90 seconds, without anyone knowing what I’m doing. And if it’s busy? Before we’ve even gotten our names down on a list, much less been taken to a table. It’s as simple as excusing myself to use their restroom, or to say hello to a friend I see (on the far side, if they don’t have restrooms, oh my mistake not who I thought), and I’ll be back in just a moment.

Boyo needs to up his skills.

Which is a direction to take it; if he’s comfortable taking 5-10 minutes in total privacy to check under every table (the only thing I can think of that would even begin to take that long)... then the challenge is to a) clear it faster & b) in company. Meaning not making you wait outside, but assessing on the fly. Or one better, teaching you to do it, so the work is halved. I taught my 5yo to clear, as a game, it’s really not a difficult thing to do. And it’s a valuable skill to be able to use in motion. Meaning, if there isn’t a direct/immediate threat? You don’t stop the world (make everyone wait, until it’s cleared) but clear as you go.

If he’s doin it solo because he doesn’t have the self confidence to do it on the fly? That’s tricky, because men’s egos are notoriously fragile. One way around that is to offer to take a bodyguard’s course, so that you can help better, and invite him to take it with you so he can help you. Refreshes skills, builds confidence, and saves face all in the same go.

 

[Withoutnameplease]

10 minutes is a LONG time to clear a restaurant. I can do most in under 90 seconds, without anyone knowing what I’m doing.

? Congratulations ???
It takes my vet longer. It took him years and lot of hard work to be able to enter a restaurant he does not know and much of hard work again to ONLY need five to ten minutes to check it. I thought that others on this board might be facing the same problem.

 

[Friday]

I thought that others on this board might be facing the same problem.

Yep. Several of us clearly have. And you’ve been offered a wide range of differing solutions by some of those self same people

- Suggesting a restaurant he’s comfortable with
- Scouting ahead of time, to familiarize himself with the local options
- Make it part of the evening out, woven into the good times, so the extra time doesn’t matter, it’s just part of a good time out.
- Upping his skills in this area, &/or working as part of a team, so it takes less time to begin with.

Yep. There are downsides to each and every single one of these options, as well as likely any other option out there. If there was an easy/obvious answer? You probably wouldn’t be asking, because he’d have sorted shit out a long time ago, and it wouldn’t be a problem. This isn’t an easy/obvious disorder. So you’re left with choosing the least-bad or the better between 2 evils. Being rude? Being embarrassed? Spending (often significant) time? Being impaired (taking meds or getting drunk)? _____________?

Personally, I went with spending time. Sounds like your boyo did, too, except he’s only partway there. Which means -to me- work harder, get faster, challenge yourself, up your skill set. Or do something completely different. Shrug. Your lives, your choices. We can share what we do, but that doesn’t mean you’ll like it.

 

[Withoutnameplease]

Got you wrong. So sorry.

I thought you were saying: *rofl* look at him, boyo takes ten minutes to check a restaurant *rofl*, I take only 90 seconds ?

So you wanted to say you had the same problem and overcame the problem? How? He is much faster now then he used to be. I do not think he became more effective. It is just that he is obsessing less about things he is worried about - but I think he cannot currently get any faster or more laid back because he is to worried - especially at this time of year.

 

[Mee]

In our culture it is a bit impolite to suggest the place you are invited to if you have been invited but I think it beats the alternatives.
He could not really tell them: Please wait outside for ten minutes while I check the place. They would think that we are daft, wouldn’t they?
He could check ALL the restaurants near the movies. It is not the city we live in and he has not checked them yet or like you suggested he can go there choose one and suggest it to them.

I Don’t know where you are so the cultural note is important. In most places I have lived I would feel think it’s only impolite if you have been invited as a guest. If the idea has been proposed and the bill is being split it suggests some flexibility. If invited as a guest the proposal is of course entirely different but very rare in modern times.

 

[Withoutnameplease]

@Mee Boyo helped them with something and also spend some if his money while doing so, they offered him to give him the money back but boyo didn’t want it.
So they want to invite us to a restaurant now and pay for it. It just an idea they came up with. We only wanted to go to the movies with them. I think by now boyo wishes he had accepted their money.