Childhood Navigating Life After Childhood Sexual Abuse

[Friday]

Thanks for your response. I mean, I know tgat it's not true, but I feel this way... I hope I explain it well.

Oh, cha. Explained perfectly. Just been there and done that sooooo many times with cognitive distortions and core beliefs that it’s worth mentioning… it takes some seeeeerious effort (and usually time) for a thing to move from the head to the heart. So the more one flags it? Another push-up.

 

[Lola234]

That perp also used to show me a big knife... and quite sharp knife.. and tell me he would stab me with it, pierce me through with it...

 

[Friday]

That perp also used to show me a big knife... and quite sharp knife.. and tell me he would stab me with it, pierce me through with it...

The threat of pain/danger is FAR more effective than actual pain/danger. True fact. Torture 101. As imagination is infinitely more complex than reality.

Test : Something bad happened.

1,000 possibilities.

1 reality.

Leaving a person to seethe in “what if”, & “might”, & “maybe”? Will break them faster than almost anything. Establish trust by causing real pain, then? Let their minds do your work for you, with threats of future/worse pain.

1 knife. A million ways it MIGHT be used.

 

[Lola234]

I have some of my memories of CSA in first person, but many of my memories are from third-person perspective, like I'm watching myself and the whole event from outside. Some of my memories feel so unreal and I tell myself "this couldn't happen"..Is this normal? I'm scared I'm making most of my memories up.

 

[Lola234]

Also, some of those memories feel very real, I feel muscle tension when I recall them and everything, and some of the memories feel more like a dream, unreal, and I don't cry nor have strong reactions to it which made me wonder if I make them up.

 

[Givrali]

Seeing yourself in tje third person is a form of dissociation whom can occur when what's going on is too much to deal with

 

[Lola234]

Seeing yourself in tje third person is a form of dissociation whom can occur when what's going on is too much to deal with

Oh, I see. Also, some of the memories feel so unreal... like some kind of dream or imagination or how to say it... is that normal? Does it mean I'm making them up?

 

[Givrali]

It means you're dissociated

 

[Lola234]

It means you're dissociated

Thank you. I almost feel like it could not have happened...

 

[Lola234]

I've had one memory that came... well... it resurfaced like a movie... I just noticed that some memory wants to resurface or idk how to describe it, you know, that my mind tries to tell me something... so I let it and it was a like movie that lasted for a few seconds... I didn't cry but I had that weird uncomfortable feeling in my stomach... and it was quite detailed.
Is it normal for repressed memories to resurface like that?

 

[Lola234]

I just want to say that if I repeat myself, I apologize. I have memory issues and I don't remember what I've already written and what I haven't.

I've already said he used to show me a knife. He used to tell me he'd repeteadly stab me with it, that he would cut me with it. I still wonder why it has affected me and why I can't just get over this. I don't know this for sure, but I have a suspicion that he brought a knife or various types of knives with himself as I don't think we had such a knife in our kitchen.

 

[Lola234]

He really enjoyed threatening me. I could hear it in his voice. I think he had some mental disorder.