Sufferer Need advice about constant anxiety

[Still Standing]

If I may ask, what caused your trauma and how severe is it? How are you coping? Any advice would be appreciated.

Hmmm, I have delayed PTSD from child abuse (which is actually C-PTSD) and PTSD from multiple, life-threatening medical emergencies and ongoing invasive medical procedures....a full bag of PTSD inducing life-circumstances. How bad is it? I don't know. All I know is the initial diagnosis. My therapist has not really discussed how this breaks down into severity or sub-categories of mental illness. All I know is that he said he would like us to go from age 0 to 20 years old, dealing with the child abuse. Since I have only recently started therapy (end of last summer), this journey is still new and I don't know how to judge the progress, yet.

How do I cope? Probably like most on this forum...one day at a time. There are good days and bad days. This whole journey is a learning process how to rethink and react in a more healthy manner. It is a time for facing hard memories and circumstances in life. It is learning how to face stress. It is learning how to relax and stay focused so trauma does not keep me captive. Personally, coping has been my life, so learning how to manage life through a different and more healthy filter can be intimidating and challenging. All I can say, is that this is not a fast journey. It is slow and it is hard but I am determined to learn and to become a more healthy person in the process. There is no sure-fire method for any one person. Our journeys are alike and yet different. This is not a race, sprint or even a fast walk. It is methodical, and slow, at least, in my experience, so far. All I can say, is don't give up and don't lose hope. Recovery, in my opinion, is by choice and determination, sprinkled with lots of hope for a better day.

 

[Virtues]

how severe were you symptoms

When my symptoms first showed up they appeared as noting more than insomnia and nightmares. As time went on it turned into isolation. I slowly (so slowly that nobody noticed, except for my wife) pushed everyone away until I didn't have any close friends. I managed my symptoms by working long hours. Once I was completely isolated (and the horrors continued) I became angry and irritable. It started with just my wife, but as time lingered on it carried forward to everyone I came in contact with. I was having problems at work, getting into physical altercations and was reprimanded and sent to mental health (of course I lied to the mental health providers and told them that nothing was wrong). As the fighting ensued it sparked a desire for thrill seeking behavior. I would fight often. I would drive my truck down the freeway with the speedometer pegged weaving in and out of traffic. At this point in my life I had no coping mechanisms or grounding tools. The only person who could keep me level was my youngest daughter. I was slipping at work, missing days regularly, sometimes 2-3 days at a time; I was too afraid to leave my house. I started drinking again and was disappearing into a bottle to try and wash away all the flashbacks, intrusive/racing thoughts, nightmares, anxiety, depression, and thoughts of killing myself. One day (my sobering moment) I had my youngest daughter with me in the truck. I was racing through traffic. At a red light I got out of my truck and dragged the driver of the car in front of me out of his car and was ready to beat his ass (that's an understatement I was ready to kill him) then it dawned on me, even my daughter can't keep me grounded anymore. I went home that day and my wife convinced me to go to an inpatient facility. I've been working on my recovery ever since.

 

[AngelHealing]

Hi and welcome!

Just along the agoraphobia lines, you sound like you’ve caught the issue quickly, w...

Thanks for the great advice. I’m taking baby steps every day to try and walk through the fear. The fear of being home bound and not having my life back is scarier than facing the fear of leaving my house. Some days are better than others. Hope you are recovering well. Good luck. It takes a really strong person to walk through the fear everyday. But giving up is not a choice!!!!

When my symptoms first showed up they appeared as noting more than insomnia and nightmares. As tim...

Wow! Glad you were able to seek help before your daughter was harmed. I have not done inpatient treatment. I am trying my best to deal with this day by day at home. From what I’ve read, it may take a while. My husband is not sure how to handle what I am going through. I really disturbs him to see me suffer and he can’t fix me. Hope you are on the mend and doing better. Thanks for sharing your story with me.

Hmmm, I have delayed PTSD from child abuse (which is actually C-PTSD) and PTSD from multiple, li...

I agree wholeheartedly with you that the process of healing is different for each individual. My recent symptoms started in January with severe anxiety and panic attacks. I had to quit my job as it was just too stressful which I believe contributed to my relapse. I have had anxiety my whole life and now looking back I see how anxiety seemed to control every decision that I made or didn’t make. I have delayed PTSD from living in an abusive household. My father was a alcoholic and beat my mother and put her in the hospital a couple times. I was never physically abused but witnessed the abuse and trauma from a very early age and formed me into the anxious person I am today. I also am working through the fear and trauma with a therapist. I wish you success in your healing. We are all in this together. “This too shall Pass”. Thanks for reaching out to me with your story.

 

[Victory]

I'm not where I want to be yet, but I continue to try. The hardest part for me was getting started. I needed to sort things out and put them in "worry" order. Every time I started to get upset, which was every few minutes, I would ask myself, "Is this really worth getting sick over?" It took a little while to get here, but through consistent sorting, I've got it down to only one thing that would hurt me now, and that would be the passing of my husband. I compare everything else to that possible event, then find everything else to be trite in comparison. BTW, my husband is in excellent mental and physical health, so it was easy to pinpoint that event as being a comparison point for all my other experiences, plus I objectively avoid people and situations that can make me anxious.
Hope that helps.

 

[Gs172003]

I think I'm going to do a crisis plan myself.

 

[Ahhlia]

Welcome to the forum.

I was diagnoised with PTSD in 2012 along with Major reaccuring Depression and General Anxiety Disorder which at times it gets crazy in my head. I fear driving, using the phone and social anxiety with dizziness at time. Not sure if I am better but am challenging myself this year. driving alittle more, though not out of my comfort zone. Over time I have driven alittle further out of my zone. And I been answering the phone more (but I will use the speaker phone). Take baby step, praise yourself when you made steps.insteadof critisizing yourself for not taking a big step. A step is a step.

I recently got a emotionalSupport Animal.. a King Charles Cavalier Spanniel I named Charlie.which gets me out of the house to walk him twice a day. I also been going to the gym twice a week. The noise canceling headphones help. Blocks out all the people and it allows me to be in my own world.

 

[WillyKat]

@AngelHealing,

Welcome to the forum.

You're already received some great advice and I endorse all of it. Right now, I'd just echo the advice about baby steps. Your healing will take a long time and will sometimes feel like it's stalled. That's pretty common. There will also be setbacks; that too is common. My advice is to not worry about how long it might take; it will take as long as it has to.

Our culture tends to pound it into our heads that problems get solved with simple things. Hit it with a bigger hammer and everything will will be okay. Use a chain saw and that will fix things right up. It don't work like that.

You may need gentle pressure to make progress or a carving knife. It's a craft, not a demolition project. When dealing with anxiety, instead of looking for a switch to turn it off, try using a dial to turn it down to 9, then 8, and so on.

When you're really stressed or the anxiety is spiking, remember to breathe. And if you can, try a visualization trick that has worked for me. A lot of people feel like their drowning when the anxiety comes, or like they're buried, or at the bottom of the well. We tend to picture or visualize it as surrounding our head and face, cutting off our air, our ability to hear and see. Try visualizing all the troubles as small boulders. They lie in your path, but you can see a way to walk around them. You can probably pick a visualization that works for you, the point it to imagine it all as below, as not surrounding your head and face, as something you can adjust to and not be overwhelmed.

When I restarted therapy about six years ago, I got a notebook and drew a block diagram in it. It was a visual way of reminding me of many of these tricks. After a while, I invented some of my own.

I hope that works for you. All the best and again, welcome to the forum.

 

[AngelHealing]

@AngelHealing,

Welcome to the forum.

You're already received some great advice an...

Great Advice. I like the way you explained it and will definitely try to see things in a different light. Best of luck in your path to healing.